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My Friend Sancho

My first novel, My Friend Sancho, is now on the stands across India. It is a contemporary love story set in Mumbai, and was longlisted for the Man Asian Literary Prize 2008. To learn more about the book, click here.


To buy it online from the US, click here.


I am currently on a book tour to promote the book. Please check out our schedule of city launches. India Uncut readers are invited to all of them, no pass required, so do drop in and say hello.


If you're interested, do join the Facebook group for My Friend Sancho


Click here for more about my publisher, Hachette India.


And ah, my posts on India Uncut about My Friend Sancho can be found here.


Bastiat Prize 2007 Winner

Category Archives: Rhymes

Smriti and Salman

This is the 76th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

FAKE NEWS

Smriti Irani said, looking pale,
“Amit, editors should go to jail
If they fail a fact check.”
I said, “Hey, wait a sec,
Is it true that you have been to Yale?”

ENTITLEMENT

Salman said, “Amit, I have a flaw.
I am too soft inside. I am raw.
I killed an antelope,
But I give my fans hope.
Surely I should be above the law?”

Posted by Amit Varma on 08 April, 2018 in India | Media | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Two Lessons

This is the 75th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

LONELY

A friend asked, “Amit, why do you groan?”
I said, “These days I am all alone.
I once had many friends.
Now I must make amends.
I uninstalled Facebook from my phone.”

LESSON

I asked Steve Smith, “Hey, why such distress?”
He said, “Bro, I am in such a mess.
This is not as I planned.
Darren quit. I got banned.
The lesson here is Never Confess.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 01 April, 2018 in Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Zuckerberg’s Reply

This is the 74th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

THE DIFFERENCE

I told Mark Zuckerberg, “I’m not sure
That my data is super secure.”
He said, “Bro, it’s your call.
You can just uninstall.
But what about Aadhaar? What’s your cure?”

THE SECRET

Modiji said to his friend, Putin,
“Bro, tell me, how do you always win?”
Putin said, with a smile,
“My old friend, use your guile.
Once you get power, never give in.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 25 March, 2018 in Freedom | India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Aadhaar, Adityanath

This is the 73rd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

DEADLINE EXTENSION

My wife said, “Stay away, no kisses.
First link your Aadhaar to your Missus.”
I said, “Love, give your cheek.
Your plea, so very bleak,
Is one the Supreme Court dismisses.

REVERSAL

Adityanath said, “I am the King.
In Gorakhpur, I am everything.”
Then he got his ass kicked.
The voters can be strict.
Could this be the start of a downswing?

Posted by Amit Varma on 18 March, 2018 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Two Deaths

This is the 72nd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

TWO DEATHS

I know many movie fans who cried
When that great actress Sridevi died.
She brought us such magic.
It was also tragic
Watching the press commit suicide.

ORIGINS

Isaac Newton said, “I’m sanskaari.
I saw an apple drop from a tree
And thought of a mantra
From the Panchatantra
That gave the concept of gravity.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 04 March, 2018 in India | Media | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Two Jokes

This is the 71st installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

FLAKE

Justin Trudeau is handsome and woke.
He is a virtue-signalling bloke.
See his Khalistan mess.
He’s really that clueless.
Frankly the guy’s a bit of a joke.

GOVT. ADS

One tendency that all netas share
Is one that should put you in dispair.
They love to advertise,
And all their sordid lies
Are funded by YOU, so please beware.

Posted by Amit Varma on 25 February, 2018 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Fraudsters

This is the 70th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

BAKRA

Nirav Modi told me, “This is nice.
Eleven thousand crores will suffice.
I love committing fraud.
I will now chill abroad
While taxpayers like you pay the price.”

WHATABOUT

Narendra Modi said, “This is great.
Why is always me you berate?
When will you understand?
All netas in this land
Are thieves looking to eat off your plate.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 18 February, 2018 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Deflection and Reflection

This is the 69th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

A DEFLECTION

Masterji said, sipping single malt,
“Bal Narendra’s committed assault.
He keeps using his force,
And he shows no remorse.
He says everything is Nehru’s fault.”

ON REFLECTION

In case the stock market makes you frown,
If you think Dear Leader is a clown,
Don’t panic. Think it through.
Just take the long-term view.
Everything that goes up must come down.

Posted by Amit Varma on 11 February, 2018 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


A Special Cess

This is the 68th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

BUDGET

My finances were in such a mess.
I said, “I demand an Amit cess.”
A gentleman named Shah
Said, “Arre bhaiyya, wah.
Super idea, I must confess.”

FIRST PRINCIPLE

Tom Friedman has defended Aadhaar.
He said, “Facebook has your data, yaar.”
Oh, what a clueless gent.
Facebook has our consent,
And consent must be our guiding star.

Posted by Amit Varma on 04 February, 2018 in Economics | Freedom | India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


A Special Cess

This is the 68th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

BUDGET

My finances were in such a mess.
I said, “I demand an Amit cess.”
A gentleman named Shah
Said, “Arre bhaiyya, wah.
Super idea, I must confess.”

FIRST PRINCIPLE

Tom Friedman has defended Aadhaar.
He said, “Facebook has your data, yaar.”
Oh, what a clueless gent.
Facebook has our consent,
And consent must be our guiding star.

Posted by Amit Varma on 04 February, 2018 in Economics | Freedom | India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


A Fuss Over Pakodas

This is the 67th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

BRAVERY

The Karni Sena kicked up a fuss.
Their boss said, “No one listens to us.
Our protests were a flop.
But now we cannot stop.
Let us go and attack a school bus.”

NO WORRIES

Jaitley told Modiji, with much dread,
“A massive jobs crisis lies ahead.
There’ll be no bread to eat.”
Modiji said, “That’s neat.
Just let them eat pakodas instead.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 28 January, 2018 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Diplomacy, Stormy Daniels and the Karni Sena

This is the 66th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

DIPLOMACY

Modiji found himself in full flow.
Netanyahu said, “Please take it slow.
You are a handsome man.
I am a massive fan,
But please don’t give me more jhappis, bro.”

OUTRAGE

Donald Trump hooked up with a porn star.
There was much outrage in the bazaar.
The Karni Sena said,
“We demand Stormy’s head
And that Donald should commit Jauhar.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 21 January, 2018 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Old Monk in the Supreme Court

This is the 65th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

OLD MONK

I told the bartender, with a wink,
“One Old Monk.” Now he began to think.
He looked me up and down,
And told me, with a frown,
“I can see that, but what will you drink?”

SUPREME COURT

Four Supreme Court judges met the press.
They said, “Everything is such a mess.
We just don’t understand
What that Virat has planned.
Cricket is causing us so much stress!”

Posted by Amit Varma on 14 January, 2018 in Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Aadhaar and the Miracle Man

This is the 64th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

SECURITY BREACH

I can’t afford to buy an old car.
I’m filled with envy at the bazaar.
However much that sucks,
I have 500 bucks,
Which means I can buy all of Aadhaar.

MIRACLE MAN

Rajinikanth authored the Dead Sea Scrolls.
He completes marathons on his strolls.
He can do anything.
On the screen, he’s the king.
I wonder how he’ll do at the polls.

Posted by Amit Varma on 07 January, 2018 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Vishy and Kamala

There’s no Rhyme & Reason this week as ToI had a special year-end issue, but hey, you still want your fix and I’m still here. So, bonus limericks this week.

VISHY ANAND

They asked Vishy, “When will you retire?”
He said, “When the sun runs out of fire.
All these years, I shone bright.
I can still spread the light.
I can kick young ass when I require.”

KAMALA MILLS

Once, a member of the Babu tribe
Told me, “I am upset, mighty scribe.
There has been a fire.
Things have become dire.
Will they punish me for that old bribe?”

Posted by Amit Varma on 31 December, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Jealous Guy

This is the 63rd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

JEALOUS GUY

Jignesh Mevani said, excited,
“Modi should retire. He is blighted.”
Modi said, “I know why
Jignesh is jealous guy.
I’m the one Virushka invited.”

DEFEAT

Sri Lanka lost yet another game.
Their captain said, “We deserve acclaim.
You see, we lost by less,
Exactly like Congress.
It’s a moral victory, not a shame.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 24 December, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


The Age of Sharma

This is the 62nd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

UNRELIABLE

I was eating ice-cream from a bowl.
My wife said, “You are so gol-matol.”
I replied, “Don’t tell lies.
The fault lies in your eyes.
They are as flawed as an exit poll.”

REBUKE

A friend said to me, “Mister Varma,
We have entered the age of Sharma.
Virat-bhai married one.
Rohit got double ton.
You must really have some bad karma.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 17 December, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Neech Whataboutery

This is the 61st installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

DYNASTY

Mani said to RaGa, “You are neech.
You used to say in every speech,
Democracy should grow.
Well, your ‘election’ shows
That you do not practise what you preach.”

WHATABOUTERY

I just hate this political game.
All these parties are devoid of shame.
If you should call them out,
They just say, “What about… ?”
It just shows that they are all the same.

Posted by Amit Varma on 10 December, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Hadiya and Ivanka

This is the 60th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

HADIYA

A Supreme Court judge remarked to me,
“You think we abolished slavery?
Well, let me tell you, mate,
You belong to the state.
Your rights mean nothing. You are not free.”

DADDY COOL

Ivanka told NaMo, “I am glad,
Even though your report card is bad,
You manage to muster
Such a lot of bluster.
You remind me so much of my dad!”

Posted by Amit Varma on 03 December, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Karma, Varma and a Fictional Queen

This is the 59th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

PADMAVATI

There is a film that I have not seen.
It is based on a fictional queen.
Its name begins with ‘P’.
Somehow that offends me,
So I will not allow it to screen.

HEALTH MINISTER

A fellow named Himanta Sarma
Told me, “Cancer is caused by karma.
You are not sanskaari.
I feel really sorry.
What disease you will get, oh Varma!”

Posted by Amit Varma on 26 November, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | WTF


Love and Loneliness

This is the 58th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

POLITICAL LOVE

RaGa sang NaMo a sweet jingle.
“Modiji, you make my heart tingle.
Forget this doom and gloom.
We should just get a room.
We are both Qarib Qarib Single.”

THIRD MAN

One day Mufflerman began to shout,
“RaGa and NaMo just make me pout.
Amit, I have to say,
They are mile hue.
Why am I always the odd one out?”

Posted by Amit Varma on 19 November, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Bye Bye Love. Hello Indigo

This is the 57th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

BYE BYE LOVE

A friend from Delhi told me one night,
“I once believed in love at first sight,
But now in all this smog,
I can’t see through the fog.
Help me, Amit! Save me from this plight!”

HELLO INDIGO

I met a friend who was full of dread.
He wore body armour made of lead.
He told me, full of fright,
“I am flying tonight.
I’m preparing for what lies ahead.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 12 November, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


House of Khichdi

This is the 56th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

KHICHDI

A friend asked, “What makes India great?”
I said, “The variety on our plate.
We embrace difference,
And don’t lose our essence.
I just love how we assimilate.”

HOUSE OF CARDS

Donald Trump said to me with great joy,
“Kevin Spacey has been a bad boy.
He had to pay the price,
But you must realise,
Real presidents don’t need to be coy.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 05 November, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Theft and Violence

This is the 55th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

PERFORMING ASSETS

Do you wonder where your taxes go?
Where do the fruits of your hard work flow?
The sarkar loots your stash,
Gives its cronies your cash,
As this bailout of banks goes to show.

FATEHPUR SIKRI

People ask, what is our heritage?
Ask the Swiss couple who came to gauge
The beauty of this place.
We gave them a showcase.
How can we explain this seething rage?

Posted by Amit Varma on 29 October, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Me Too, This Diwali

This is the 54th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

ME TOO

For too long, men have not had a clue
What every woman has to go through.
This is a wake-up call.
This applies to us all.
That’s the value of saying ‘Me too.’

THIS DIWALI AIR

I asked a friend this festive season,
“Why are you coughing? What’s the reason?”
She said, “Though I am young,
I need a brand new lung.”
I said, “Shhh! To complain is treason.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 22 October, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Two Dreams

This is the 53rd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

I, ECONOMY

I had a strange dream the other night.
I happened to get into a fight.
Modiji bashing me,
Jaitleyji smashing me,
As they both said, ‘Hey, you look alright!’

JUDICIAL OVERREACH

I had a strange dream the other day.
A High Court judge came to me to say,
“Amit, you are so fat.
We will have to fix that.
Please stop eating crackers right away.”

*

And here’s a bonus limerick for the MAMI film festival that’s going on now:

FILM FESTIVAL

Chacha is banal. Chachi’s a drain.
Bua and Phoofa are such a pain.
Sasuma brings me grief,
But I have found relief:
This week I am on the MAMI train.

Posted by Amit Varma on 15 October, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


The GST Rhymes

This is the 52nd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

GST 1

I had been giving Jaitley some grief.
So he came home to give me relief.
“Amit bhai, kem chho bro?
You will be glad to know,
Khakras are now cheap beyond belief!”

GST 2

My CA said, while doing billing,
“Accountants are making a killing.
You are going berserk
With all the paperwork,
But hey, my life is so fulfilling!”

Earlier…

Posted by Amit Varma on 08 October, 2017 in Economics | India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


The Fall Guy (and the Stampede)

This is the 51st installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

FALL GUY

Yashwant-bhai told me, quite sedately,
“Amit, have you seen the news lately?
Our nation has been shamed.
Modiji can’t be blamed,
So I will blame it all on Jaitley.”

ELPHINSTONE

There is more to Mumbai than the rain.
Human life keeps going down the drain.
Just another stampede
That will never impede
Our rush towards a grand bullet train.

Posted by Amit Varma on 01 October, 2017 in India | News | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Mentally Deranged

This is the 50th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

I WAS THERE!

There’s a TV anchor with much flair.
He was caught lying. There was fanfare.
What’s the point of this rage?
This is the post-truth age.
Super Arnab can be everywhere.

MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR

Kim said Trump is mentally deranged.
Expect more insults to be exchanged.
I suggest, to stop doom,
Those two should get a room.
They sound like lovers who are estranged.

Posted by Amit Varma on 24 September, 2017 in India | Media | News | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Death of a Writer

This is the 49th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

THE KILLERS

What is the difference between ISIS
And home-grown terrorists? It is this:
ISIS takes full credit
For the crimes they commit.
Our boys are cowards in the abyss.

IMMORTAL

It’s not easy to kill a writer.
Get dry wood, fuel, cigarette lighter.
Flick a switch, set a fire.
She will merely perspire.
Words live forever, you can’t fight her.

Posted by Amit Varma on 10 September, 2017 in Freedom | India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Rights and Riots

This is the 48th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

PRIVACY

The Supreme Court upheld our birthright.
I jumped with joy. I screamed with delight,
“Governments, leave us alone!
We are fine on our own!
You are nothing but a parasite.”

RIOTS

There are mobs out there on the rampage.
We must not give in to their outrage.
To crush them is our task,
But we must also ask,
What is the deeper cause of their rage?

Posted by Amit Varma on 27 August, 2017 in Freedom | India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


The Wheel Turns

This is the 47th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

THE WHEEL TURNS

Sikka is great, everyone chanted.
They hailed Mistry, and then recanted.
Whoever is to blame,
The lesson is the same:
Never take anything for granted.

EK PREM KATHA

I said to my love, “How do you do?
I will build a toilet just for you.”
She gave me one tight slap,
And said, “Bro, cut the crap.
First get swachh yourself. Until then, boo!”

Posted by Amit Varma on 20 August, 2017 in India | News | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Searching For Macho

This is the 46th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

SEARCH

Once I was searching for a torrent,
When a woman who was abhorrent
Popped up in front of me,
As naked as can be,
And said, “Sir, where is your search warrant?”

MACHO

Donald Trump was mad at Mister Kim.
He said, “I am more MACHO than him.
I have ORANGE aplomb.
I also have a BOMB.
I can do ANYTHING on a whim.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 13 August, 2017 in Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Immortal Mishtake

This is the 45th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

NO AADHAAR

A friend told me, “You need Aadhaar, mate,
If you want a death certificate.
You just can’t get away.”
I jumped and said, “Hurray!
I will live forever at this rate.”

MISHTAKE

Sushmaji told Modi, “What a scam!
How could you gift away our Doklam?”
Modi said, “Galti se,
I just gave it away.
I thought they wanted dhokla. Goddamn!”

Posted by Amit Varma on 06 August, 2017 in India | News | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Nitish and Nawaz

This is the 44th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

SPIN AND TURN

Ashwin and Jadeja felt the burn.
Ash said, “Amit, I feel great concern.
We could be in the bin.
Modi’s so good at spin,
And Nitish is a master of turn.”

SHARAAFAT

Nawaz Sharif is out of the game.
I asked, “Tell me bro, who is to blame?”
He said, “Amit, don’t poke.
It’s all a cosmic joke.
See the damn irony in my name!”

Posted by Amit Varma on 30 July, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Why Do You Love Potholes?

This is the 43rd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

KAUR BLIMEY

On Thursday, I watched Harmanpreet Kaur
Play a knock that left me wanting more.
What a game? What a show!
And now I want to know
Why had I not heard of her before?

POTHOLES

I hauled a neta over the coals.
I said, “Bhai, why do you love potholes?”
He said, “Bro, they’re a dream.
They’re my revenue stream.
Kickbacks from repairs are my bankroll.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 23 July, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Notes and Jokes

This is the 42nd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

DEMON NOTES

Urjit Patel let out a big groan.
I said, “Urjit Bhai, why do you moan?”
He replied, with a sigh,
“Amit, I will not lie.
I’ve been counting the notes on my own.”

DEAR MR MODI

I know that there’s nothing that you abhor
Like being made fun of. Well, just ignore.
Do not try to suppress.
Be a sport. Show finesse,
Or else the world will laugh even more.

Posted by Amit Varma on 16 July, 2017 in Freedom | India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Two Old Men

This is the 41st installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

AFFECTION

Netanyahu was looking happy.
He said, “Modi gave me a jhappi!”
I said, “Bro, you must chill.
Otherwise, Modi will
Take it further, and give a pappi.”

FEDERER’S LESSON

MS Dhoni has turned thirty-six.
Some ask, should he still be in the mix?
Well, like that old codger
By the name of Roger,
Maybe he has not run out of tricks.

Posted by Amit Varma on 09 July, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


A Protest. Then A Celebration

This is the 40th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

NOT IN MY NAME

When the country is torn, bit by bit,
Those who are silent are complicit.
If it fills you with shame,
Then shout: “Not in my name!”
Shake your apathy. Do not submit.

SMRITI MANDHANA

Indian cricket’s got a new face,
A left-hander with timing and grace.
Her strokeplay, by and by,
Makes me wonder why I
Thought women’s cricket was commonplace.

Posted by Amit Varma on 02 July, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Procrastination (and Kumble vs Kohli)

This is the 39th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

PROCRASTINATION

Do you know what’s my greatest sorrow?
Time is something you cannot borrow.
So the days go by,
As I watch paint dry,
And sit here waiting for tomorrow.
 
K VS K

Kumble said, “Get me out of this jail.
It’s so sad that I’m the one to bail.”
Kohli said, with a groan,
“It’s my house they will stone
When we lose. That’s why I should prevail.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 25 June, 2017 in Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Farm-Loan Waivers (and Macho Lifesavers)

This is the 38th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

EASY OPTION

It’s the season for farm-loan waivers.
They don’t do farmers any favours.
They just perpetuate
Their deplorable fate.
Handouts can never be lifesavers.

WHO’S MORE MACHO?

Trump and Modi are all set to meet.
Trump will be full of orange conceit.
Modi will keep it cool:
“Your hands are minuscule.
My 56-inch chest can’t be beat.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 18 June, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Theft, Surveillance, Bullies

This is the 37th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

THEFT

We are paying Krishi Kalyan Cess.
Even then, farmers are in a mess.
This only illustrates
How governance abates,
While our taxes remain in excess.

CONSENT

A friend asked, “Why be against Aadhaar?
We give our data to the bazaar,
Like Google, for instance.
Then why this resistance?”
I said, “Because Consent matters, yaar!”

*

And here’s a bonus limerick that didn’t appear in the paper:

NDTV

Most bullies are wimps, really afraid
That someone will rain on their parade.
Like Modi and his men,
So macho, except when
Someone fights back. Then they call a raid.

Posted by Amit Varma on 11 June, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Two Laments

This is the 36th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

A PEACOCK’S LAMENT

My friend, a peacock who lived alone,
Came to me, and started to bemoan,
“That judge said, ‘When you cry,
You get kids.’ That’s a lie!
I keep crying, but I’m on my own.”

HUMAN SHIELD

Human rights must be so very cheap
When you can tie someone to a jeep.
This tryst with destiny
Brought such ignominy.
How far we have fallen, and how deep?

Posted by Amit Varma on 04 June, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


One Tax To Rule Them All

This is the 35th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

GST

The Goods and Services Tax is here.
Most other taxes will disappear.
One massive overhaul.
One tax to rule them all,
Till the slabs and exemptions appear.

OVERDOSE

So much cricket is driving me mad.
The IPL had seemed just a fad.
Cricket is such a bore,
I will watch it no more.
(Except today’s final, let me add.)

*

Also hear: Episode 3 of my weekly podcast, The Seen and the Unseen, with Devangshu Datta, which was about the GST:

Posted by Amit Varma on 21 May, 2017 in Economics | India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Dawood and Vadra

This is the 34th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

NAAM KATAPPA

My dad asked me if Dawood was dead.
Did he die peacefully in his bed?
Well, listen up, Appa,
We did send Katappa,
And it looks like he got Dawood’s head.

REAL ESTATE

The Vadras have a problem with land.
Well, here’s what I do not understand:
Since there’s such discontent,
Why doesn’t this government
Prosecute them, and not just grandstand?

Posted by Amit Varma on 30 April, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Red Lights and Loudspeakers

This is the 33rd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

LAL SALAAM

One day Prime Minister Modi said,
“Red light culture should be put to bed.
No more beacon on car.”
I said, “This won’t go far.
VIPs have red lights on their head.”

SONU

I met a singer who seemed bereft.
He looked sleepy, and had no hair left.
He told me with a pout,
“I’m gonna carry out
The biggest ever loudspeaker theft.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 23 April, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Prawn + Wine

This is the 32nd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

PRAWN

Once there was a Minister of Prawn,
Who got loosies and felt quite forlorn.
He chose to regulate
What went onto your plate.
What a great way to show off his brawn.

WINE

Once there was a judge who liked his wine.
When he drank it, he felt so divine.
One day he crashed his car
Into a highway bar,
And said, ‘The fault is the bar’s, not mine.’

Posted by Amit Varma on 16 April, 2017 in Freedom | India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


The Yogi and the Missus

This is the 31st installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

INCENTIVES

There is a Yogi who cares for cows.
He wants to protect them anyhow.
He doesn’t understand,
Because slaughter is banned,
There’ll be fewer cows in UP now.

DOMESTIC TRANSACTION

A man asked his wife, very nicely,
“Can you please give me some strong coffee?”
She demanded kisses,
And said, “I’m your missus.
Despite that, you must pay GST.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 02 April, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


A Top Edge (and a Brain Fade)

This is the 30th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

SHERRY

Navjot Singh Sidhu was in a fix.
No party wanted him in the mix,
Till Congress took him on.
Good fortune came along.
His top edge went all the way for six.

CRICKET

One day, in my school, there was a raid.
A boy was caught cheating in tenth grade,
But he was remorseless.
He said, with great finesse,
“It was nothing more than a brain fade.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 19 March, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Unicorn vs ABVP vs Pappu

This is the 29th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

UNICORNS

The losses pile up, as do brickbats
For India’s e-commerce copycats.
They beg for protection,
But avoid reflection
On why they deserve their dismal stats.
 
EDUCATION

I asked some college kids, amid groans,
“What have you learnt, besides Game of Thrones?”
One replied, with a sigh
“Demand creates supply.
I have a degree in throwing stones!”

YOUNG GUN

“Pappu needs time, he is not mature,”
Sheilaji told me. I replied, “Sure,
He’s only forty-six,
Still learning all the tricks.
Till he grows up, you must all endure.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 26 February, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


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