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My Friend Sancho

My first novel, My Friend Sancho, is now on the stands across India. It is a contemporary love story set in Mumbai, and was longlisted for the Man Asian Literary Prize 2008. To learn more about the book, click here.


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I am currently on a book tour to promote the book. Please check out our schedule of city launches. India Uncut readers are invited to all of them, no pass required, so do drop in and say hello.


If you're interested, do join the Facebook group for My Friend Sancho


Click here for more about my publisher, Hachette India.


And ah, my posts on India Uncut about My Friend Sancho can be found here.


Bastiat Prize 2007 Winner

Category Archives: Rhyme and Reason

Bye Bye Love. Hello Indigo

This is the 57th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

BYE BYE LOVE

A friend from Delhi told me one night,
“I once believed in love at first sight,
But now in all this smog,
I can’t see through the fog.
Help me, Amit! Save me from this plight!”

HELLO INDIGO

I met a friend who was full of dread.
He wore body armour made of lead.
He told me, full of fright,
“I am flying tonight.
I’m preparing for what lies ahead.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 12 November, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


House of Khichdi

This is the 56th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

KHICHDI

A friend asked, “What makes India great?”
I said, “The variety on our plate.
We embrace difference,
And don’t lose our essence.
I just love how we assimilate.”

HOUSE OF CARDS

Donald Trump said to me with great joy,
“Kevin Spacey has been a bad boy.
He had to pay the price,
But you must realise,
Real presidents don’t need to be coy.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 05 November, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Theft and Violence

This is the 55th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

PERFORMING ASSETS

Do you wonder where your taxes go?
Where do the fruits of your hard work flow?
The sarkar loots your stash,
Gives its cronies your cash,
As this bailout of banks goes to show.

FATEHPUR SIKRI

People ask, what is our heritage?
Ask the Swiss couple who came to gauge
The beauty of this place.
We gave them a showcase.
How can we explain this seething rage?

Posted by Amit Varma on 29 October, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Me Too, This Diwali

This is the 54th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

ME TOO

For too long, men have not had a clue
What every woman has to go through.
This is a wake-up call.
This applies to us all.
That’s the value of saying ‘Me too.’

THIS DIWALI AIR

I asked a friend this festive season,
“Why are you coughing? What’s the reason?”
She said, “Though I am young,
I need a brand new lung.”
I said, “Shhh! To complain is treason.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 22 October, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Two Dreams

This is the 53rd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

I, ECONOMY

I had a strange dream the other night.
I happened to get into a fight.
Modiji bashing me,
Jaitleyji smashing me,
As they both said, ‘Hey, you look alright!’

JUDICIAL OVERREACH

I had a strange dream the other day.
A High Court judge came to me to say,
“Amit, you are so fat.
We will have to fix that.
Please stop eating crackers right away.”

*

And here’s a bonus limerick for the MAMI film festival that’s going on now:

FILM FESTIVAL

Chacha is banal. Chachi’s a drain.
Bua and Phoofa are such a pain.
Sasuma brings me grief,
But I have found relief:
This week I am on the MAMI train.

Posted by Amit Varma on 15 October, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


The GST Rhymes

This is the 52nd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

GST 1

I had been giving Jaitley some grief.
So he came home to give me relief.
“Amit bhai, kem chho bro?
You will be glad to know,
Khakras are now cheap beyond belief!”

GST 2

My CA said, while doing billing,
“Accountants are making a killing.
You are going berserk
With all the paperwork,
But hey, my life is so fulfilling!”

Earlier…

Posted by Amit Varma on 08 October, 2017 in Economics | India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


The Fall Guy (and the Stampede)

This is the 51st installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

FALL GUY

Yashwant-bhai told me, quite sedately,
“Amit, have you seen the news lately?
Our nation has been shamed.
Modiji can’t be blamed,
So I will blame it all on Jaitley.”

ELPHINSTONE

There is more to Mumbai than the rain.
Human life keeps going down the drain.
Just another stampede
That will never impede
Our rush towards a grand bullet train.

Posted by Amit Varma on 01 October, 2017 in India | News | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Mentally Deranged

This is the 50th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

I WAS THERE!

There’s a TV anchor with much flair.
He was caught lying. There was fanfare.
What’s the point of this rage?
This is the post-truth age.
Super Arnab can be everywhere.

MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR

Kim said Trump is mentally deranged.
Expect more insults to be exchanged.
I suggest, to stop doom,
Those two should get a room.
They sound like lovers who are estranged.

Posted by Amit Varma on 24 September, 2017 in India | Media | News | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Death of a Writer

This is the 49th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

THE KILLERS

What is the difference between ISIS
And home-grown terrorists? It is this:
ISIS takes full credit
For the crimes they commit.
Our boys are cowards in the abyss.

IMMORTAL

It’s not easy to kill a writer.
Get dry wood, fuel, cigarette lighter.
Flick a switch, set a fire.
She will merely perspire.
Words live forever, you can’t fight her.

Posted by Amit Varma on 10 September, 2017 in Freedom | India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Rights and Riots

This is the 48th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

PRIVACY

The Supreme Court upheld our birthright.
I jumped with joy. I screamed with delight,
“Governments, leave us alone!
We are fine on our own!
You are nothing but a parasite.”

RIOTS

There are mobs out there on the rampage.
We must not give in to their outrage.
To crush them is our task,
But we must also ask,
What is the deeper cause of their rage?

Posted by Amit Varma on 27 August, 2017 in Freedom | India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


The Wheel Turns

This is the 47th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

THE WHEEL TURNS

Sikka is great, everyone chanted.
They hailed Mistry, and then recanted.
Whoever is to blame,
The lesson is the same:
Never take anything for granted.

EK PREM KATHA

I said to my love, “How do you do?
I will build a toilet just for you.”
She gave me one tight slap,
And said, “Bro, cut the crap.
First get swachh yourself. Until then, boo!”

Posted by Amit Varma on 20 August, 2017 in India | News | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Searching For Macho

This is the 46th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

SEARCH

Once I was searching for a torrent,
When a woman who was abhorrent
Popped up in front of me,
As naked as can be,
And said, “Sir, where is your search warrant?”

MACHO

Donald Trump was mad at Mister Kim.
He said, “I am more MACHO than him.
I have ORANGE aplomb.
I also have a BOMB.
I can do ANYTHING on a whim.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 13 August, 2017 in Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Immortal Mishtake

This is the 45th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

NO AADHAAR

A friend told me, “You need Aadhaar, mate,
If you want a death certificate.
You just can’t get away.”
I jumped and said, “Hurray!
I will live forever at this rate.”

MISHTAKE

Sushmaji told Modi, “What a scam!
How could you gift away our Doklam?”
Modi said, “Galti se,
I just gave it away.
I thought they wanted dhokla. Goddamn!”

Posted by Amit Varma on 06 August, 2017 in India | News | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Nitish and Nawaz

This is the 44th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

SPIN AND TURN

Ashwin and Jadeja felt the burn.
Ash said, “Amit, I feel great concern.
We could be in the bin.
Modi’s so good at spin,
And Nitish is a master of turn.”

SHARAAFAT

Nawaz Sharif is out of the game.
I asked, “Tell me bro, who is to blame?”
He said, “Amit, don’t poke.
It’s all a cosmic joke.
See the damn irony in my name!”

Posted by Amit Varma on 30 July, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Why Do You Love Potholes?

This is the 43rd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

KAUR BLIMEY

On Thursday, I watched Harmanpreet Kaur
Play a knock that left me wanting more.
What a game? What a show!
And now I want to know
Why had I not heard of her before?

POTHOLES

I hauled a neta over the coals.
I said, “Bhai, why do you love potholes?”
He said, “Bro, they’re a dream.
They’re my revenue stream.
Kickbacks from repairs are my bankroll.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 23 July, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Notes and Jokes

This is the 42nd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

DEMON NOTES

Urjit Patel let out a big groan.
I said, “Urjit Bhai, why do you moan?”
He replied, with a sigh,
“Amit, I will not lie.
I’ve been counting the notes on my own.”

DEAR MR MODI

I know that there’s nothing that you abhor
Like being made fun of. Well, just ignore.
Do not try to suppress.
Be a sport. Show finesse,
Or else the world will laugh even more.

Posted by Amit Varma on 16 July, 2017 in Freedom | India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Two Old Men

This is the 41st installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

AFFECTION

Netanyahu was looking happy.
He said, “Modi gave me a jhappi!”
I said, “Bro, you must chill.
Otherwise, Modi will
Take it further, and give a pappi.”

FEDERER’S LESSON

MS Dhoni has turned thirty-six.
Some ask, should he still be in the mix?
Well, like that old codger
By the name of Roger,
Maybe he has not run out of tricks.

Posted by Amit Varma on 09 July, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


A Protest. Then A Celebration

This is the 40th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

NOT IN MY NAME

When the country is torn, bit by bit,
Those who are silent are complicit.
If it fills you with shame,
Then shout: “Not in my name!”
Shake your apathy. Do not submit.

SMRITI MANDHANA

Indian cricket’s got a new face,
A left-hander with timing and grace.
Her strokeplay, by and by,
Makes me wonder why I
Thought women’s cricket was commonplace.

Posted by Amit Varma on 02 July, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Procrastination (and Kumble vs Kohli)

This is the 39th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

PROCRASTINATION

Do you know what’s my greatest sorrow?
Time is something you cannot borrow.
So the days go by,
As I watch paint dry,
And sit here waiting for tomorrow.
 
K VS K

Kumble said, “Get me out of this jail.
It’s so sad that I’m the one to bail.”
Kohli said, with a groan,
“It’s my house they will stone
When we lose. That’s why I should prevail.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 25 June, 2017 in Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Farm-Loan Waivers (and Macho Lifesavers)

This is the 38th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

EASY OPTION

It’s the season for farm-loan waivers.
They don’t do farmers any favours.
They just perpetuate
Their deplorable fate.
Handouts can never be lifesavers.

WHO’S MORE MACHO?

Trump and Modi are all set to meet.
Trump will be full of orange conceit.
Modi will keep it cool:
“Your hands are minuscule.
My 56-inch chest can’t be beat.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 18 June, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Theft, Surveillance, Bullies

This is the 37th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

THEFT

We are paying Krishi Kalyan Cess.
Even then, farmers are in a mess.
This only illustrates
How governance abates,
While our taxes remain in excess.

CONSENT

A friend asked, “Why be against Aadhaar?
We give our data to the bazaar,
Like Google, for instance.
Then why this resistance?”
I said, “Because Consent matters, yaar!”

*

And here’s a bonus limerick that didn’t appear in the paper:

NDTV

Most bullies are wimps, really afraid
That someone will rain on their parade.
Like Modi and his men,
So macho, except when
Someone fights back. Then they call a raid.

Posted by Amit Varma on 11 June, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Two Laments

This is the 36th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

A PEACOCK’S LAMENT

My friend, a peacock who lived alone,
Came to me, and started to bemoan,
“That judge said, ‘When you cry,
You get kids.’ That’s a lie!
I keep crying, but I’m on my own.”

HUMAN SHIELD

Human rights must be so very cheap
When you can tie someone to a jeep.
This tryst with destiny
Brought such ignominy.
How far we have fallen, and how deep?

Posted by Amit Varma on 04 June, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


One Tax To Rule Them All

This is the 35th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

GST

The Goods and Services Tax is here.
Most other taxes will disappear.
One massive overhaul.
One tax to rule them all,
Till the slabs and exemptions appear.

OVERDOSE

So much cricket is driving me mad.
The IPL had seemed just a fad.
Cricket is such a bore,
I will watch it no more.
(Except today’s final, let me add.)

*

Also hear: Episode 3 of my weekly podcast, The Seen and the Unseen, with Devangshu Datta, which was about the GST:

Posted by Amit Varma on 21 May, 2017 in Economics | India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Dawood and Vadra

This is the 34th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

NAAM KATAPPA

My dad asked me if Dawood was dead.
Did he die peacefully in his bed?
Well, listen up, Appa,
We did send Katappa,
And it looks like he got Dawood’s head.

REAL ESTATE

The Vadras have a problem with land.
Well, here’s what I do not understand:
Since there’s such discontent,
Why doesn’t this government
Prosecute them, and not just grandstand?

Posted by Amit Varma on 30 April, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Red Lights and Loudspeakers

This is the 33rd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

LAL SALAAM

One day Prime Minister Modi said,
“Red light culture should be put to bed.
No more beacon on car.”
I said, “This won’t go far.
VIPs have red lights on their head.”

SONU

I met a singer who seemed bereft.
He looked sleepy, and had no hair left.
He told me with a pout,
“I’m gonna carry out
The biggest ever loudspeaker theft.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 23 April, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Prawn + Wine

This is the 32nd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

PRAWN

Once there was a Minister of Prawn,
Who got loosies and felt quite forlorn.
He chose to regulate
What went onto your plate.
What a great way to show off his brawn.

WINE

Once there was a judge who liked his wine.
When he drank it, he felt so divine.
One day he crashed his car
Into a highway bar,
And said, ‘The fault is the bar’s, not mine.’

Posted by Amit Varma on 16 April, 2017 in Freedom | India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


The Yogi and the Missus

This is the 31st installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

INCENTIVES

There is a Yogi who cares for cows.
He wants to protect them anyhow.
He doesn’t understand,
Because slaughter is banned,
There’ll be fewer cows in UP now.

DOMESTIC TRANSACTION

A man asked his wife, very nicely,
“Can you please give me some strong coffee?”
She demanded kisses,
And said, “I’m your missus.
Despite that, you must pay GST.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 02 April, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


A Top Edge (and a Brain Fade)

This is the 30th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

SHERRY

Navjot Singh Sidhu was in a fix.
No party wanted him in the mix,
Till Congress took him on.
Good fortune came along.
His top edge went all the way for six.

CRICKET

One day, in my school, there was a raid.
A boy was caught cheating in tenth grade,
But he was remorseless.
He said, with great finesse,
“It was nothing more than a brain fade.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 19 March, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Unicorn vs ABVP vs Pappu

This is the 29th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

UNICORNS

The losses pile up, as do brickbats
For India’s e-commerce copycats.
They beg for protection,
But avoid reflection
On why they deserve their dismal stats.
 
EDUCATION

I asked some college kids, amid groans,
“What have you learnt, besides Game of Thrones?”
One replied, with a sigh
“Demand creates supply.
I have a degree in throwing stones!”

YOUNG GUN

“Pappu needs time, he is not mature,”
Sheilaji told me. I replied, “Sure,
He’s only forty-six,
Still learning all the tricks.
Till he grows up, you must all endure.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 26 February, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Assembly Proceedings

This is the 28th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

TAMIL NADU

My neighbourhood thugs were filled with awe.
The Chief Gunda explained, “I just saw
Assembly proceedings,
And now I’m conceding,
Compared to those pros, we are so raw!”

DISCOURSE

The speaker’s wife was extremely hurt.
When he got home, he was rather curt.
When she asked him why,
He said with a sigh,
Those ruffians tore my brand-new shirt!”

Posted by Amit Varma on 19 February, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Padmavati and Trump

This is the 27th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

PADMAVATI

In Rajasthan there was some friction,
Folks objecting to a depiction
Of a certain lady.
It was all quite shady,
Since she didn’t exist, and was fiction.

BUMP

One dark night, a man named Donald Trump
Flew off his bed, landing on his rump.
The reason for this strife
Was his immigrant wife,
Who had given him a mighty thump.

Posted by Amit Varma on 05 February, 2017 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Gladiators at the Ballet

This is the 26th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

STRAIGHT DRIVE

Rahul Dravid, when he played cricket,
Always put a price on his wicket.
Offered a PhD,
He said, “No, not for me.
I earn my way. Keep your free ticket.”

TIME MACHINE

When you switch on your TV today,
You’ll feel time begin to slip away.
Everything just a blur.
Nadal and Federer.
Two gladiators at the ballet.

Posted by Amit Varma on 29 January, 2017 in Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Mahi and the Indian Man

This is the 25th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

MAHI

Mahendra Singh Dhoni made his name
With his skill for finishing a game.
The hardest thing to know
Is when to just let go.
His timing has been perfect again.

MARD

The Indian male is quite a beast.
One half devout, just like a priest,
But the half that prevails
Seems to treat all females
As mere dishes laid out at a feast.

Posted by Amit Varma on 08 January, 2017 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Strong Woman; Bad Men

This is the 24th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

AMMA
 
They warned her about misogyny.
She said as she shaped her destiny,
“It’s a man’s world, indeed,
But I will not pay heed.
I will make those men bow before me.”
 
DAMAGE
 
Sanjay Gandhi came back from the dead.
He went to meet NaMo, and he said,
“I loved to hurt the weak,
But nasbandi seems meek.
I wish I’d done notebandi instead.”

Posted by Amit Varma on 11 December, 2016 in India | News | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Demonetisation Tales

This is the 23rd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

LOVE STORY

Once there was a young girl in a queue.
A young boy joined it, all set to woo.
She looked him up and down,
And told him with a frown,
“‘Yes’ if you have change, otherwise ‘Thoo!’”

BAPU

Mahatma Gandhi came down to earth
For just a visit (not a rebirth).
He screamed in double quotes,
“Take my face off your notes.
It’s eroding my sense of self-worth!”

Posted by Amit Varma on 27 November, 2016 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


A Week of Upheaval

This is the 22nd installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

ORANGE MAN

Misogynists of the world, unite.
Racists and bigots, you won the fight.
You’ve got your president.
Now begin your descent
Into hatred, your sacred birthright.

CURRENCY

On Tuesday, India underwent
Surgical strikes that were meant to dent
All unaccounted gains.
Still the question remains,
Who will account for the government?

Posted by Amit Varma on 13 November, 2016 in Economics | India | News | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


The True Patriot

This is the 21st installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

DISSENT

The greatest danger to any land
Is a government that goes out of hand.
A true patriot’s task
Is to constantly ask
Probing questions, and to take a stand.

SMOG

A Delhi grandma, in confusion,
Looked around for her eye solution.
Her eyesight was just fine.
The reason she felt blind
Was, of course, the Delhi pollution.

Posted by Amit Varma on 06 November, 2016 in India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Family Business

This is the 20th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

FAMILY BUSINESS 1

The Tatas built an unwieldy beast,
Bleeding profusely, to say the least.
Cyrus tried for a fix.
Now he’s out of the mix
Because Ratan remains the high priest.

FAMILY BUSINESS 2

Once the Yadavs had a pillow fight.
Shivpal threw bolsters with all his might.
Akhilesh slipped and fell.
Mulayam had to yell,
“Save me from this Samajwadi plight!”

Posted by Amit Varma on 30 October, 2016 in India | News | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


What a Fix!

This is the 19th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

CRICKET MATCH

Anurag Thakur was in a fix.
Although a master of politics,
One day he told the press,
“I simply must confess,
That man Lodha has hit me for six.”

FILM FESTIVAL

Mumbai’s havaldars were in a fix,
As movie lovers scrambled for tix.
One cop said, “What drama!
They would call me ‘Mama.’
Why is there a ‘MAMI’ in the mix?

Posted by Amit Varma on 23 October, 2016 in Arts and entertainment | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Two Villains

This is the 18th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

DUSSEHRA

Ravana, a man of great acclaim
Said to me, frustrated, all aflame,
“I’ve been trying to click
A selfie with a stick
But my ten heads won’t fit in the frame!”

LAND OF GROPE

One day the Statue of Liberty
Broke down & walked off into the sea.
She said, “Trump’s such a pig,
If he should get this gig,
Call me the Statue of Misery.’

Posted by Amit Varma on 16 October, 2016 in Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Hillary and Donald

This is the 17th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

THE CHOICE

Hillary Clinton drew lots of hate,
But believed in the electorate.
With a delighted shriek,
She said, ‘I may be weak,
But look at the other candidate!’

THE WALL

Donald Trump wanted to build a wall.
Humpty Dumpty told him, ‘Hey, bad call.
A bridge is much better,
Brings people together.
You might just be heading for a fall.’

Posted by Amit Varma on 02 October, 2016 in Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Tragedy Nights on the Cauvery

This is the 16th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page.

CAUVERY

Wanting to solve the Cauvery mire,
A neta said to his goons for hire,
‘It is getting hotter.
Everyone wants water,
So let’s go set some buses on fire.’

TRAGEDY NIGHTS

Kapil Sharma told a sorry tale
Of corruption on a massive scale.
The netas we elect,
For a chilling effect,
Made his life a cautionary tale.

Posted by Amit Varma on 18 September, 2016 in India | News | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Haryana and Qatar

This is the 15th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page

HARYANA

I am a biryani inspector,
A friend of the district collector.
Please pass me your rice.
Mmm! This is so nice!
How I love being a beef detector!

QUEUE

A friend of mine by the name of Jai
Texted me from Doha. He wrote, “Hey,
I’ve been trying to call
But can’t get through at all.
I keep hearing, ‘Aap Qatar mein hai.’”

Posted by Amit Varma on 11 September, 2016 in India | News | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Poor Paris Hilton Started To Cry

This is the 14th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page

AAM AADMI

Poor Paris Hilton started to cry.
Kim Kardashian explained with a sigh,
“We are the sex tape queens.
We are the mean machines.
Who the hell is this Sandeep Kumar guy?”

NECESSARY MEASURES

A minister who was farsighted
Said, “Men must not get too excited.
I would like to ban skirts,
Jail any girl that flirts,
Ban all women,” he said, delighted.

Posted by Amit Varma on 04 September, 2016 in India | News | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Usain Bolt vs Mrs Patel

This is the 13th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page

RUN

Usain Bolt was sprinting like a gale
When he was passed by Mrs Patel.
The crowd was entertained.
Mrs Patel explained,
‘Haven’t you heard? Zara has a sale!’

JUNKET

Once there was a minister of sport
Who loved using his pretty passport.
He went on pilgrimage
To the Olympic village.
What a superb holiday resort!

Posted by Amit Varma on 28 August, 2016 in Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Sindhu and Sakshi

This is the 12th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page

SINDHU

There was a young girl who was told
Girls should be demure, never bold.
She gave a sharp retort
On the badminton court,
And almost won Olympic gold.

SAKSHI

Once there was a Haryanvi lass
Who would never let a problem pass.
She’d fling it to the ground,
Expertly pin it down
Because desi girls can kick ass.

Posted by Amit Varma on 21 August, 2016 in India | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes | Sport


Atheism and Shopping

This is the 11th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page

ATHEIST

One day God came to me, full of grief.
‘I’m distraught,’ she said, ‘I need relief.
Whatever I decree,
No one listens to me,
And now I’m losing my self-belief.’

SHOPPING

There was a girl who loved to buy shoes,
Whether from Kolhapur or Toulouse.
She bought very many,
But never wore any
Because she wasn’t able to choose.

Posted by Amit Varma on 14 August, 2016 in Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Good Night, Pappu

This is the second of two limericks in the 10th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page

image

BEDTIME

Pappu woke to slaps from his mama.
He explained why he caused such drama.
‘Parliament is a bore
I was tired. What’s more,
I was already in my pajama.’

Posted by Amit Varma on 24 July, 2016 in India | News | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Mosquitoes As Big As A Bus

This is the first of two limericks in the 10th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page

GAME

Once mosquitoes as big as a bus
Attacked me with a great deal of fuss.
They chased me around,
And now I have found
They’re playing Pokemon Go with us.

Posted by Amit Varma on 24 July, 2016 in Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


Two States

This is the 9th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India edit page

UTTAR PRADESH

Once the Congress seemed rather smug.
‘Gandhi’ was their designer drug.
Do they now realise
That the Gandhi franchise
Is not a feature but a bug?


KASHMIR

A wise man said, ‘An eye for an eye
Makes the whole world blind.’ Those who decry
This circle of violence
Must speak through the silence.
We’ll fall too far if we don’t aim high.

Posted by Amit Varma on 17 July, 2016 in Freedom | India | Politics | Rhyme and Reason | Rhymes


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