Category Archives: WTF
A dull government office. A pot-bellied bureaucrat in a safari suit sits behind a table on which many dusty files are gathered. Sweat gathers on his upper lip; he is too lazy to wipe it off. There is a knock on the door. ‘Come in,’ he says.
The door opens, and the bureaucrat gasps. A stunning young woman, bootilicious, bodacious, mammacious, walks into the room, in a red chiffon saree on which the palloo seems an inadequate afterthought, wearing a low-cut blouse that almost need not be there.
‘Good morning,’ she says. ‘Are you the Chief Secretary of Internet Banning in India?’
‘Yes. Yes, yes, yes! But who are you?’
‘I am Savita Bhabhi. I believe you have banned me. I thought I should pay you a personal visit to ask you why you have done such a thing.’
‘Savita Bhabhi? Wow! My God! Er, sorry, what was your question again?’
‘Why have you banned me?’
‘Er, you see, actually, Indian culture, our traditions...’
‘Oh, I am so sorry,’ says Savita Bhabhi. ‘You are my elder, and tradition says I should touch your feet.’
She goes up to him—he is standing, in his excitement, pun intended—and bends down to touch his feet. Her tender caress of his toe is unbearably erotic. Her palloo falls. An expanse of the most beautiful, bountiful flesh rises up to meet him—and brushes for the briefest moment against a certain nameless appendage. Her lips, broad, red, inviting, open up seductively just in front of him, as she moves in closer, and he feels like he will explode. And then she says:
‘So, once again, what are your reasons for banning me?’
*
Right, you get where I’m coming from. India Uncut is a fan of Savita Bhabhi, as my many posts on that fine lady indicate (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13.). And I’m appalled that she has been banned. And the chief reason that I’m appalled is that we don’t know why she has been banned.
If the government takes any action against an individual or an entity, there should be due process. If the government wants to ban a website, it should clearly state why it is doing so, and what provisions of the law make it possible. And the owners of that website should have a right of appeal.
That is not the case here: Deshmukh, who runs the Savita Bhabhi site, does not know why it has been banned, and has no means of appeal. This is arbitary, this is wrong—and it could happen to any of us tomorrow.
On that note, do read this excellent piece by Sevanti Ninan on Information Technology (Amendment) Act, 2008, which should worry anyone who cares about free speech in India. Savita Bhabhi should drop in and say hi to A Raja, you think?
*
And in some WTF coverage of this, click here, scroll down and read what “cyber law expert” Mukesh Goyal has to say on the matter. Especially his third and fourth paras. I’m speechless!
Posted by Amit Varma on 02 July, 2009 in
Freedom |
India |
News |
WTF
Archana Sinha writes in:
Nepal has ordered its customs officials to wear pocketless pants, with a view to discouraging bribes. You know what’s gonna happen now, don’t you? The sales of underwear with inbuilt pockets will go up! Where there is law, there is jugaad.
Senior customs official to his deputy: Is that a bulge in your pants or are you just happy to see me.
Lady customs officers could just put the currency notes in their bra. I demand that bras also be banned.
Posted by Amit Varma on 30 June, 2009 in
News |
WTF
The Hindustan Times reports:
Varun Gandhi’s infamous hate speech and journalist Soumya Vishwanathan’s murder will be made into a film titled Ganatantra, being directed by JP Dutta’s assistant Surender Suri.
Rajan Verma, who essayed the role of Kasab in Total Ten, a film on the 26/11 terror attacks, is now playing Varun Gandhi. He says, “The film shows Gandhi in positive light.. as an able man, not given the place he deserves in the political party. The film will also depict a love story between the characters played by Varun and Soumya.”
The only thing not WTF about the above excerpt is that the actor who played Kasab is now playing Varun Gandhi. The rest of it leaves me speechless. I especially wonder what poor Soumya’s friends and family feel about this. Who thinks up these storylines?
*
That isn’t the only WTFness in that article. A gentleman named Kanti Shah is quoted as saying:
Yes, I am making a film on the Shiney Ahuja rape case. Shooting will begin soon. It is titled Rape and newcomers Imran and Sapna will play the characters of Shiney and the maid. Although the film will be based on true events and there will be no fictitious details added, there will be song and dance sequences.
Go figure. ‘Tasteless’ doesn’t begin to describe these guys. I need a plastic bag.
Posted by Amit Varma on 27 June, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
India |
Media |
News |
WTF
Oh man, this is delicious. AFP reports:
Sri Lankan police say they have arrested an astrologer after he predicted serious political and economic problems for the government of President Mahinda Rajapakse.
[...]
“The CID (Criminal Investigations Department) is questioning the astrologer,” [police spokesman Ranjith] Gunasekara said Friday, adding that they wanted to find out the “basis” for the prediction.
I can just imagine how the dialogue goes.
Astrologer: [Pointing to chart] See, here’s the basis for my prediction. Note where Rahu-Ketu are.
CID officer: We have outlawed Rahu-Ketu.
Astrologer: Eh? When did this happen?
CID officer: Five minutes before this interrogation began. Hehehe. Bet you didn’t see that happening.
No, but seriously, the government is crazy, clamping down on free speech like this, even if it is the free speech of a charlatan. Even charlatans have rights.
(Link via email from Neel. And previously, in Rahu-Ketu news...)
Posted by Amit Varma on 27 June, 2009 in
Dialogue |
Freedom |
News |
Old memes |
Astrology etc |
Politics |
WTF
The Times of India reports:
With the monsoon playing truant, Andhra Pradesh CM YS Rajasekhara Reddy has ordered all temples, mosques and churches in the state to offer special prayers to appease the Rain God. Starting form Wednesday, the Tirumala Tirupati Devasthanams will conduct prayers in all major temples run by it. Special prayers are to be held in mosques and churches for the onset of the elusive monsoon.
And The Hindustan Times:
As strange as it may sound, some organisations and individuals from Andhra Pradesh are taking help of frogs to induce rains.
In Vemulwada town in Karimnagar district, hundreds of people participated in a frog marriage on a dried up tank bed. Reports of similar marriages came in from Kurnool, Adilabad and Anantapur. It is widely believed by rural folk that frog marriages will bring in good rains.
You know where this is headed, don’t you? Hazaar prayers will be conducted across AP, and hazaar frogs will be married off—and then it will rain. And people will conclude that the prayers worked, and getting the frogs married off worked—never mind if the frogs in questions are ignoring their nuptial vows and bonking random other frogs. Post hoc ergo propter hoc—that, and the confirmation bias, explain why we’re still such suckers for superstition of all sorts.
Maybe I should also conduct a ritual of some sort that can later be sanctified after its glorious success. Hmm, let’s see, what can I do? Ah, I have it: A beef burger at Indigo Cafe, medium rare with a fried egg on top, sunny side up. Followed by some liquor chocolate, and maybe coffee at Costa’s. There you go, I’ve sorted it out. Just you watch now, there will be rain.
(My thanks to Sandeip Singh for the ToI link.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 25 June, 2009 in
India |
News |
Old memes |
Astrology etc |
WTF
IANS reports:
Former Bond girl Denise Richards has done some passionate scenes with Bollywood star Akshay Kumar in Kambakkht Ishq and says he is a good kisser.
Richards insists that no man in Bollywood can match his skills, reported contactmusic.com.
I’m guessing Richards must have done a rigorous survey of Bollywood kissers to come to such a conclusion. Like, she walks into a mall and catches a good-looking young man (GLYM) who looks like he might be in Bollywood (but isn’t really).
Richards: Hey, you there. Are you a Bollywood kisser?
GLYM: Er, well, ahem, yes, I could be.
Richards: Okay, then I need to kiss you. [She gives him the deepest kiss ever, her tongue almost coming out of the back of his head.] Mmmm. That was nice, but I’m afraid you’re not as good as Akshay Kumar.
GLYM: I see. Um, well, there is something I can do better than him, you know.
Richards: [Already getting ideas and feeling horny] And what may that be?
GLYM: Um, do you need any C++ programming?
*
Bonus link: Check out these slideshows about “Bollywood’s most kissable celebs”: From Rediff; and AOL. Any excuse to put together a slideshow with hot pictures.
Posted by Amit Varma on 25 June, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
News |
WTF
Iran’s governing council needs a PR firm pronto. The political gaffe of the week comes from their spokesman Abbas-Ali Kadkhodaei, who said the following words in a TV interview on Sunday:
Statistics provided by the candidates, who claim more than 100% of those eligible have cast their ballot in 80-170 cities are not accurate—the incident has happened in only 50 cities.
In a democracy, if you can’t prove that there’s been rigging in a majority of the cities, then there’s been no rigging. So there.
(Link via FiveThirtyEight.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 24 June, 2009 in
News |
Politics |
WTF
The WTF quote of the day comes from Chhatradhar Mahato, the head of a tribal organisation in Lalgarh, PCAPA:
If you take a close look at the PCAPA’s ‘warriors’, they carry traditional arms like axes, spears, bows and arrows etc, whereas Maoists use landmines and other sophisticated weapons—there is hardly any similarity between the two.
Ah, well. The PCAPA, by the way, stands for the noble-sounding People’s Committee Against Police Atrocities. And on the subject of the police, Mahato had this to say:
Should they arrest me, Lalgarh will be torn apart by violence, hitherto unseen and unheard of.
If India had a language police, and I was in charge, I’d arrest him just for using the word ‘hitherto’. So there.
(Link via Jasmine.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 23 June, 2009 in
India |
News |
WTF
The WTF headline of the day comes from PTI:
George Clooney hires psychic to connect with dead pig
The report says that Clooney has “hired a psychic to help him contact his favourite pet, a black pig named Max who died three years ago.”
I can just imagine how it all plays out. Clooney and his psychic are sitting at an ouija board in a dark room.
Psychic: George, I will tap on the board three times to say hello, and then you will hear three more taps on the board. After that, my body will be possessed by Max’s spirit, and you can talk to Max through me. Ok?
Clooney: Okay. But you know what, don’t mind and all, but I’m a skeptic about these things. So first I’ll ask you, I mean Max, a couple of questions to make sure it’s him.
Psychic: Sure. [He taps three times on the board. Three more taps are heard after that, and then the psychic throws his head back as his eyes start rolling in their sockets.]
Clooney: [Very excited] Max, Max, is that you?
Psychic: Squeal!
Clooney: Max, Max, I need to ask you a question. Are you listening?
Psychic: Grunt!
Clooney: Max, Max, when you saw me for the first time, what were your first words to me?
Psychic: Oink oink!
Clooney: Max! Max! It’s really you! [He hugs the psychic, who dirties his pants, thereby increasing Clooney’s ferocious nostalgia.]
*
Ok, fine, that’s a bit cruel. George, if you’re reading this and are offended, I apologize. But really, dude, a psychic to contact your dead pig—what were you thinking?
(Link via email from Mahendra.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 23 June, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
Dialogue |
News |
WTF
The WTF quote of the week comes from Meeta Jamal, the principal of a girls’ college in Kanpur:
Girls who choose to wear jeans will be expelled from the college. This is the only way to stop crime against women.
According to the report, “a growing number of colleges in Uttar Pradesh have decided to outlaw jeans, shorts, tight blouses and miniskirts on campus in an attempt to crack down on ‘Eve-teasing’.” The theory seems to be that boys see chicas in supposedly hot clothing, and as they have no control over their actions, commit crimes for which the girls’ clothes are responsible. Not the boys. Well, well.
The simplest way to stop crime against women is of course to ban the women themselves, not their jeans. After all, if a pair of jeans came to college without a woman inside, would it get harassed? Clearly not. So why ban the jeans?
(Link via email from Vishal Khanapure.)
Update: Rohan informs me that one college has even ”banned male students from wearing jeans and carrying mobiles.” What to say now?
Posted by Amit Varma on 11 June, 2009 in
India |
News |
WTF
The WTF report of the day, by ANI, begins:
Actress Mischa Barton has enraged Hindus around the world, after she cribbed on her blog about not getting a sitar teacher in India.
Hindus around the world? That seemed like a tall claim to me, so I read further, expecting details to support this strange assertion. But no, the text then went on to elaborate that Barton’s comments had “enraged leading scholars,” and then quoted exactly one self-styled leading scholar on the subject, “US Hindu statesman Rajan Zed.” Given Zed’s history of seeking publicity (1, 2, for example), I don’t think Barton should worry too much about what Hindus think of her. Hindus around the world are not enraged. In fact, some of them are probably searching for nipslip pictures of her as I type these words.
More Zed: Check out these recent headlines where Zed claims to be speaking out on behalf of Hindus:
Tantra is not just sex: Upset Hindus tell actress Heather Graham
Hindus Consider Worldwide Sony Boycott
The dude who writes his press releases must be quite pleased with himself.
Posted by Amit Varma on 11 June, 2009 in
Journalism |
Media |
Old memes |
WTF
It’s news when a rich industrialist’s wife spends a night in jail like this:
In the barrack, Sheetal [Mafatlal] was made to sleep on a thin, prickly coir mattress with around 50 hardcore criminals and a swarm of mosquitoes for company.
The creaking fan overhead, jail sources say, moves too slowly to beat the collective heat of bodies and the stench around, thanks to gutkha-chewing undertrials.
But it’s not news when other undertrials, innocent until proven guilty, have to spend nights, even weeks, months, perhaps years in such conditions. That’s the real scandal, but we take it for granted, we know the system’s broken. But when Mrs Mafatlal has to spend a night in such conditions, going chheee in a prison cell instead of mua at a party, that’s newsworthy. See now.
Posted by Amit Varma on 10 June, 2009 in
India |
Journalism |
Media |
News |
WTF
Dear VS Ugrappa
Deccan Herald reports that, in your capacity as leader of the Opposition in Karnataka’s Legislative Council, you have demanded that the government provides you with a Nissan X-Trail car for your use, which will cost the taxpayers Rs 25 lakhs. To justify this demand, you have said: “All I want is a diesel car which gives maximum mileage so that I can save on fuel.”
Sir, I applaud your sentiment, and I have a suggestion for you: ask for a Tata Indica instead. Diesel is there, and mileage is better.
Regards
Amit Varma
*
Link via email from Sreekanth Menon. More open letters here.
Posted by Amit Varma on 08 June, 2009 in
India |
Letters |
News |
Politics |
WTF
Via Prem Panicker’s Twitter, I come across this marvellous news story:
Now, daring couples can bathe in bedrooms!
The story tells us about this new trend of “an open-planned bathroom-bedroom” that “features a deep-soaker bath, double vanity, frameless shower, and strategically-placed toilet—all in full sight of the king-size bed.”
I experienced something similar to this during my recent book tour. In three of the five cities I went to, I was booked into a five-star hotel chain that had rooms with varying degrees of, um, openness between the bathroom and the bedroom. In Delhi, the bathroom partition was translucent, and you could see the silhouette of the person inside. This might be considered romantic if your partner is bathing inside—but surely not for other activities. And what if there were guests in the room?
Worse, you couldn’t lock the door. And there were no hooks or rods inside to hang clothes. I suspect the designers thought of this as a feature, not a bug.
Also, there was no noise insulation whatsoever. So if you’d had rajma and rice for lunch, and went into the loo to let some of it out, anyone in the room would not only see you, they’d also hear you.
This led to an embarrassing episode on the afternoon of my Delhi launch, when my Hachette editor was hanging out with me in my room while the partner napped on the bed. But I won’t go into details here. We’re all still scarred by the incident.
The Kolkata branch of the hotel had completely transparent bathroom doors and walls—glass so clear you could walk into it—but the bathroom section could be shut off from the bedroom by sliding a substantial wooden door shut (again, unlockable). This was fairly heavy, and could easily have been used as a line of defence in a medieval fortress. I was staying alone in the room, and embarrassing moments did not arise. Also, there was no rajma, and the sushi was good.
Anyway, I guess I’m just growing old, and young people like open bathrooms and all that. Fine. Whatever. I’ll just blog about the good old days then.
Posted by Amit Varma on 04 June, 2009 in
Personal |
WTF
On gold rings for all children born in city corporation hospitals in Chennai and given Tamil names. This is a move by the Tamil Nadu government to “commemorate the 86th birthday celebrations of chief minister M Karunanidhi,” who has been “working to promote Tamil language for more than 70 years.”
Meanwhile, it seems that since last September, 11000 newborns have been given “dresses, baby soap and baby powder.”
No doubt you are outraged at this use of your taxes. Perhaps you are thinking, Hell, if someone wants to promote Tamil or give baby powder to newborns, let him do so with his own money. Why mine?
I urge you to stop protesting. This is all for the good of society. And I further propose, inspired by the legendary altruist Jonathan Swift, that we take a step further and use these newborns to end all starvation deaths in India. How so? Well, to quote Swift:
A young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee, or a ragout.
In an Indian context, you could have Tandoori Toddler, Baby Biriyani or Kadai Kiddo with naan. To promote Tamil culture, you could also have Infant Idlis. Boom, no more starvation deaths in India.
Yes, that’s disgusting. No, I’m not serious. But the Tamil Nadu government is, and the cup of the absurd runneth over.
(Link via email from Shyam. More on taxes.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 04 June, 2009 in
India |
News |
Old memes |
Taxes |
Politics |
WTF
In the WTF news of the day, three men in Kanpur who were caught eve teasing a girl have been arrested under the National Security Act. Justifying the arrest, the police said:
They are threat to our society, hence imposing NSA is justified. [sic]
By that logic, anything that a policeman deems to be a “threat to our society” can be prosecuted under the National Security Act. Such as free speech, or similar moral depravity that threatens to tear apart the fabric of society. Anything goes when you have a draconian law that is open to interpretation.
The irony here is that there are regular laws under which the fellows could have been booked. Is the use of the NSA an admission that those other laws aren’t effective enough?
(link via email from Luv.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 30 May, 2009 in
India |
News |
WTF
Rediff reports:
In the midst of hectic ministry making, the Congress leadership has taken out time to deliberate on the future of one of its senior most leaders who is ill in hospital, Priya Ranjan Das Munshi.
Sources confirmed that his wife, first time MP, Deepa Das Munshi who contested and won from the Raiganj constituency in West Bengal is likely to be sworn in as a Minister of State when the Manmohan Singh council of ministers take oath.
An exception is being made for first term MP Deepa to ensure that Munshi is provided with the same level of medical care as he has been receiving for the last many months.
So, according to this report, Mrs Das Munshi is going to be sworn in as minister just so that her husband gets medical care at state expense. This is another illustration of the the party in power treating state resources as their private property, distributing largesse where they wish. Hell, the money being spent on these ministers did not land up from the sky, that is our money, taken from us ostensibly to serve our needs. The vast majority of the people who have coughed up that money—remember, anytime you buy something in India, you are effectively paying taxes—cannot afford the kind of health care Mr Das Munshi is getting. Why should our money pay for his health care?
The report says that “it was Pranab Mukherjee who sought that Deepa be made a minister for the sake of Munshi.” If Mr Mukherjee feels such compassion for Mr Das Munshi, he should pay for the treatment out of his own pocket. Why dig into mine?
(Link via email from Anand Bala. Click here for all my posts on how our taxes are misused.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 30 May, 2009 in
India |
News |
Old memes |
Taxes |
Politics |
WTF
The Sun reports:
An anonymous study of 2,000 British men and women concluded that out of all jobs, computer geeks make the best lovers.
They were found to be the most selfless in the sack, the most adventurous and more likely to use love gadgets.
Seventy-eight per cent of techies that were questioned also claimed that sex toys were part of their love life.
Eighty-nine per cent of them, though, believed that the phallus was a sex toy.
Okay, fine, I made that last line up. But really, the methodology of the study is suspect—from the article, it seems that it was based on questions asked to these men. Like they’ll tell the truth. Nice try. Duh.
And bloggers were not part of the survey. I’m sure they would have found that bloggers are even better in bed than IT workers. For starters, they’d be able to do it several times a day. How’s that?
And ya, I know, Twitterers, if that is the term, would do it even more frequently. But it would be over too quickly. Where’s the fun in that?
(Link via email from YV Sai Madhav.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 27 May, 2009 in
Miscellaneous |
WTF
Nobody messes with the national anthem. Rediff reports that the Supreme Court has slammed Ram Gopal Varma for his “distortion of the national anthem in his forthcoming film Rann.” The “vacation bench” has been quoted as ruling:
We have read it. It gives a totally negative sense. It seems every line of national anthem has been proved wrong. Nobody has got a right to tinker with the national anthem.
So remember, not only do you not have the right to express your opinion on a song, but songs, especially anthems, have rights. Don’t tinker with them.
Also read: The Anthem and the Flag.
(Link via email from Gautam.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 27 May, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
Freedom |
India |
News |
WTF
Dear MS Gill
Cricinfo states that you have objected to an SMS competition being run during the IPL on the grounds that it is “akin to betting and gambling.” I have two questions for you:
One, do you not gamble? If you have ever invested in the stock market, or in property, you have gambled. Indeed, every career choice you have made is effectively a gamble. We face choices at every stage in our lives, weigh up the risks involved, and make decisions. All of that is no less gambling than, say, betting that Matthew Hayden will score 10 runs in the next over.
Two, who are you (or the government) to tell people what to do with their money? You are there to serve us, not to rule us. Before you lecture us on how we spend our time and hard-earned money, consider that our taxes pay your salary and perks. What have you been up to as sports minister? Why is every sport administered by the government in India in such a complete and utter mess?
I’ll stop now. The Ministry for Self-Righteousness hasn’t given me a license to be sanctimonious, so I’ll leave that to you.
Regards
Amit Varma
*
Also read: Don’t Punish Victimless Crimes.
More open letters here. Hat tip: Rajeev Mantri.
Posted by Amit Varma on 11 May, 2009 in
India |
News |
Sport |
WTF
If Sanjay Gandhi had given himself a taste of his own medicine, we might not have had to put up with this crap.
(Link via email from Salil.)
*
Also read: The Population Myth.
Posted by Amit Varma on 10 May, 2009 in
India |
News |
Politics |
Small thoughts |
WTF
I love the irony in the fact that undertrial prisoners in India are not allowed to vote—but can stand for elections. As Ramesh Srivats, whose Twitter page I got this news from, puts it:
Shows that we don’t trust the judgment of potential criminals but respect their leadership abilities.
I don’t have an issue with criminals standing for elections. Government, the way it works in India, is itself a form of larceny—so it fits. But everyone should get a vote, no?
Posted by Amit Varma on 07 May, 2009 in
India |
News |
Politics |
WTF
ANI reports:
Taking a dig at the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP), Congress general secretary Rahul Gandhi has said that he ‘has never seen a weak Sikh.’
Wooing Sikhs who form the majority in Punjab, Gandhi lashed out at the BJP for calling the Prime Minister Manmohan Singh ‘as weak.’
‘They call our prime minister weak, the lion of Punjab, who has earned a name to the country in the world. I have not seen a weak Sikh in my life,’ Gandhi told an election rally at Barnala.
Now, I admire Manmohan Singh, and I agree that he is an upright man, and certainly not a weak prime minister. But isn’t Gandhi insulting the intelligence of the people at the rally with his talk of never having seen a weak Sikh?
There are two ways in which his speech could work. 1, it could piss off the audience with its patronising tone and silly generalisation. 2, it could please them, make them swell their chests with pride, and cause them to like Gandhi even more than they already did.
So how mature do you think our democracy is?
*
And tell me, is there really a significant difference in silliness between these two generalisations: 1] All Sikhs are strong. 2] All Muslims are terrorists.
The latter is obviously more odious. But in logical terms, leaving aside intent and context, is there a difference?
Posted by Amit Varma on 07 May, 2009 in
India |
News |
Politics |
Small thoughts |
WTF
The WTF comment of the day comes from S Sreesanth, who, while denying a link-up with an actress named Daisy Bopanna, says:
I don’t think that I would stoop so low that I have to date an unknown, struggling actor.
That shows his class, doesn’t it? He only dates people based on their social status. I can imagine Sreesanth, thinking he’s a stud and all that, hitting on a hot chica at a party.
Sree: Hey baby! I am India fast bowler, I want to daaance with you, rowmaaance with you, want to come on a date?
Chica: Sure!
Sree: Good. But first, tell me what you do?
Chica: I am an actor.
Sree: What kind of actor, have you done any big roles? Have you starred in a Yash-Raj film? Do you have an agent in Hollywood?
Chica: Er, no, I’ve just started out, and…
Sree: Oh, I see. You’re an unknown, struggling actor?
Chica: That’s right.
Sree: Okay then, date is cancelled. Bye bye. I don’t stoop so low.
*
Harbhajan Singh, if you’re reading this, please go to wherever Sreesanth is hanging out these days and slap him again. Do it for your country. India needs you.
Posted by Amit Varma on 07 May, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
India |
News |
Sport |
WTF
I suspect even a chicken would find this news item rather WTF:
Animal rights body PETA on Monday asked civic authorities of major cities in the country to install a statue of chicken [sic] in prominent locations as “a mark of respect to billions of birds killed for food”.
“Erecting a chicken statue will elevate these bright, inquisitive birds in the minds of residents, perhaps convincing many to help by leaving chicken off their plates,” PETA’s chief functionary Anuradha Sawhney said in a letter to civic authorities of all major cities.
Ms Sawhney has appeared once before in my WTF files, speaking about chickens and free will, but this takes the cake. Or the chicken pie. Whatever.
Also, I demand to know, why not statues of cows? Cows aren’t “bright” and “inquisitive”? Cows don’t deserve respect? Cows are not our mother?
*
This reminds me of how Leo Tolstoy once called an aunt to dinner, and left a live chicken on her chair. “We knew you wanted chicken,” he said, “but none of us would kill it.”
I find that sentiment inspiring—most of us carnivores disassociate the food we eat from the animals that have to die for it, and if we had to kill our own food, I’m not sure many of us would quite manage. As Michael Pollan once said, “The most morally troubling thing about killing chickens is that after a while it is no longer morally troubling.” I respect that sentiment—and indeed, once turned vegetarian for a few months inspired by such thoughts. (I still feel guilt at relapsing into meat-eating.)
But statues of chickens? Presumably built using taxpayers’ money? Bats, completely bats.
*
If I was God and could rewind and edit, I’d have Tolstoy keep a cow on his aunt’s chair instead of a chicken. And as she stares at it in horror, he says, “We knew you wanted beef, but none of us would kill the cow.” Then he gives her a lecture on vegetarianism.
And when he’s done, the cow walks up to him and starts chewing his beard.
(PETA link via separate emails from Deepak Iyer and Sudipta Chatterjee. Previous posts on cows: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31 , 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 05 May, 2009 in
News |
WTF
You can’t accuse Sanjay Gupta of understatement. Speaking about Feroz Khan, he says:
There are two things one can never forget. The first time one has sex and the first time one meets Mr Feroz Khan. He was awesome.
If I elaborate on the image that came to my mind when I read that, you’ll stop reading this blog. The horror.
(Link via email from Dev.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 02 May, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
News |
WTF
Salman Khan will. In the WTF piece of the day, Salman writes:
Sometimes, when I am restless or upset, I walk up to the corridor of my house and look at the watchman. I come back quietly to my room and thank God for He has given me so much. I sit and count my blessings and the love that people have been giving me at every step.
It’s good to reflect on how lucky we are, but this dude has to go look at the watchman for that?
I wonder how the watchman feels about it. There he is, sitting quietly, bored senseless, looking out at the random fans waiting outside the gate of the house, waiting for his shift to end so he can head back home and sleep, and Salman Khan comes out and stares at him. Then Salman smiles, flexes his muscles, and heads back in with a lilt in his step. I wonder if, at times like that, and others, the watchman reflects on how very lucky he is.
Posted by Amit Varma on 28 April, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
News |
WTF
Isn’t the picture below, of Maharashtra chief minister Ashok Chavan and his wife, marvellously illustrative of our politicians’ attitudes towards us?
The Chavans aren’t expressing their inner feelings here—they’re showing us that they have voted. The election commission has mandated that in these elections, indelible ink is to be applied to the middle finger of every voter. So if your sleazy neighbourhood politician accosts you in the street and asks you if you voted for him, show him the finger.
(Link via email from Salil. Picture courtesy ToI.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 27 April, 2009 in
India |
News |
Politics |
WTF
Lalit Modi, described by Shilpa Shetty in an interview to the official IPL magazine 20/20 as “the brainchild behind the IPL”, said on TV a couple of hours ago:
We want everyone from India to come in [to South Africa] for the last few weeks of the IPL.
Like, I know he’s a stud at logistics and all that, but this could be one bridge too far for Modi. Everyone from India, it seems.
(HT: The Shilpa quote was pointed out to me by Anand.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 27 April, 2009 in
India |
Sport |
WTF
Manmohan’s been there—and Advani too.
I think every Indian politician must now aspire to have a shoe thrown at him or her—and, indeed, to plant a shoe-thrower if necessary. Otherwise it could be argued that one is not important enough.
Indeed, imagine if a planted shoe-thrower is caught via a sting operation, and it erupts into a national controversy termed Shoegate. (Or The Sandal Scandal.) Given the pettiness of our politics and the trivialities that our media chases, that would be apt.
*
Earlier, on throwing shoes: 1, 2.
Posted by Amit Varma on 26 April, 2009 in
India |
News |
Politics |
WTF
No, it seems that all the appalling things he said recently can be blamed on Rahu-Ketu.
I can imagine Mayawati’s cops landing up in heaven to arrest Rahu-Ketu under the NSA. Inspector Mishra, leading the police team, finds a boy in pajamas lying on a khatiya. ‘That’s him,’ shouts Mishra, and his men surround the boy.
‘We know who you are,’ says Inspector Mishra, ‘but just for the record, identify yourself.’
‘I’m Rahu,’ says the boy. ‘I had ordered a butter chicken a couple of centuries ago, is it ready yet? Man, service in heaven is so slow, the waiters take everything for granted.’
‘Rahu,’ barks Inspector Mishra, ‘I hereby place you under arrest for instigating Varun Gandhi’s poisonous words. You have a right to remain silent. Until beaten.’
‘Hey, wait a sec,’ says Rahu, ‘that wasn’t me. That was my brother Ketu.’
(Link via email from Girish.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 24 April, 2009 in
Dialogue |
India |
Old memes |
Astrology etc |
Politics |
WTF
A classic example of how feudal our politics is comes from a Rediff Q&A with Veena Singh, Arjun Singh’s daughter, who is contesting these elections as an independent candidate after the Congress denied her a party ticket. See this bit:
Q You mentioned in your speech that you decided to contest because you were offended by the way the party has treated your father.
Ans Not offence. My father was hurt. Hurt that after 52 years of service to the Congress, both children were denied a Congress ticket.
See the sense of entitlement. Singh doesn’t believe that she has to earn her position in the party; instead, she thinks that it is hers by right because of who her father is. As if the party is family property.
Given how that party is ruled by a single family on the basis of nothing more than its last name, one can’t even blame her for thinking like this. Indeed, every major party treats politics as family business—consider that virtually all the young politicians we speak of these days, from the Gandhis to Jyotiraditya Scindia to Sachin Pilot to Manvendra Singh to Milind Deora got their positions because of their fathers. No wonder Poonam Mahajan kicked up such a fuss recently when she was denied a BJP seat in Mumbai. After all her father did for them, just think.
Earlier: Where is Inner-Party Democracy in India?
(Link via email from Abhishek.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 24 April, 2009 in
India |
News |
Politics |
WTF
Here’s an interesting question-and-answer from a Rediff interview of Priyanka Gandhi:
Q: What are your views about Mayawati? She has clearly evoked a lot of support and admiration, especially from the lower castes. Do you understand what she does?
Ans: Yes, I understand what she does. It’s true that certain castes have been oppressed for centuries, and she has tried to empower them. But the way forward is to take everybody along, not to divide people on the basis of caste and religion.
Do you think that means that Priyanka is against reservations? After all, our system of reservations does exactly what the caste system has done for centuries: It classifies people according to their castes and then discriminates on that basis. It perpetuates the divisions it aims to eradicate. So if Priyanka opposes reservations, and thus disagrees with her party on this issue, she should be brave enough to say so.
Otherwise her rhetoric is rather WTF, no?
Posted by Amit Varma on 22 April, 2009 in
India |
News |
Politics |
WTF
Until recently, I thought that politicians are rich and farmers are dying in Vidarbha. But now I find that politicians are travelling on donkeys while farmers are buying motorcycles in Vidarbha. Who says the sun doesn’t rise from the west?
(Links via emails from Deepz and Dev respectively.)
*
Earlier, on Vidarbha.
Posted by Amit Varma on 22 April, 2009 in
India |
News |
WTF
The Hindu reports:
Actor and Samajwadi Party leader Sanjay Dutt was on Saturday booked on an obscenity charge for allegedly saying that given a chance he would give jaadu ki jhappi (magical hug), made famous by his Munnabhai flicks, to Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Mayawati.
“A case has been registered against Sanjay Dutt for making derogatory and undignified remarks against BSP supremo Mayawati during an election rally on the K.P. Hindu College ground in Pratapgarh on April 16,” a senior police officer told PTI.
Mr. Dutt allegedly said he “will give jaadu ki jhappi and pappi (magical hug and kiss) to the people of Pratapgarh and given a chance I will do the same with the Chief Minister and BSP supremo Mayawati.”
I find obscenity laws immensely silly, and it’s quite WTF that when politicians are going around spewing venom at the each other, this dude is getting booked for jokingly offering jhappi and pappi. Yes, Dutt has the brain of an infant, but unless he actually forces himself on Behenji and gives her a jhappi-cum-pappi, the law shouldn’t come into play. Are we such an immature nation that we can’t even talk of these things?
*
Anyway, imagine this: Mayawati hears of Sanjay’s comments, and expresses disgust. She finishes her work for the day and goes to bed. And then, lying alone in the darkness, turning with a heavy heart on a soft bed, thinking of all the sacrifices she has made for her people, she sighs softly. She remembers: Jhappi! Pappi!
Just then the doorbell rings. She waits, and the seconds seem like hours. Then the intercom buzzes.
Madam, her minion says on the other side of the line, A politician from the Samajwadi Party is here to see you. He’s a filmi kind of guy.
She pauses. Ask him to wait five minutes, I’ll just get ready.
She gets up, switches on the light, and in record time combs her hair, washes her face and brushes her teeth. She puts on her best silk salwar suit. And she applies a dab, just a dab, a subtle pappilicious dab of lipstick. Then she picks up the intercom and says, Send him in.
A few seconds go by.
And then Amar Singh walks in.
(Link via email from Archana.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 20 April, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
Freedom |
India |
News |
Politics |
WTF
Rediff reports:
Sports Minister M S Gill on Thursday flayed the ‘casualness’ of India’s cricket captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Harbhajan Singh for skipping the Padma Shri function and said the Ministry would soon issue a circular to ensure sportspersons treat national awards with utmost respect.
Dhoni and his India teammate Harbhajan were conspicuous by their absence at the Rashtrapati Bhavan [Images] ceremony, where they were expected to receive the Padma Shri from President Pratibha Patil.
[...] The Sports Minister… said he would not brook such casualness by anyone. [...] And to ensure it does not happen again, the Ministry would issue a new circular soon, he said.
I don’t get this crap about issuing a circular to “ensure it does not happen again”. Gill makes it sound as if Dhoni and Harbhajan thrive under the patronage of the government, and are therefore beholden to it. That is not true. On the contrary, the taxes that Dhoni and Harbhajan and you and I pay are responsible for keeping Gill’s AC running and the fuel tank of his official car full. He talks as if he is our master, but really, a minister is no more than the servant of the people. Our government is notionally there to serve us, but behaves as if it rules us.
In my view, Dhoni and Harbhajan bring honour to the country, and the Padma Shri, like other government awards decided by an essentially political process, do not bring any additional honour to these fine sportsmen. Their fidelity is to their sport, not to the politicians running the government, and that is how it should be. Sure, Gill is entitled to hold the opinion that it was tasteless on the part of these two to not receive the award personally. But a circular? Give me a break.
And do note that these circulars and awards are all paid for by the sacrifices you and I and my maidservant are forced to make. Do you think it’s worth it? I don’t.
PS. In case you’re wondering whether I’m against the government spending taxpayers money on sport, well, I am. The reasons for that are pretty much the ones I’d articulated against government spending on the arts in my piece, Nadiraji Wants Your Money. If you think Padma Shris and sports ministries are a worthy cause, you fund them with your money. Why force me to pay?
Posted by Amit Varma on 18 April, 2009 in
Freedom |
India |
News |
Old memes |
Taxes |
Politics |
Sport |
WTF
The Election Commission of India has brought out a Handbook for Candidates (pdf link) this year that contains the following remarkable lines:
DEFACEMENT OF PUBLIC OR PRIVATE PROPERTY
Many of the State/Union territories have laws to prevent the defacement of property, which term includes any building, structure, hut, wall, tree, fence, post, pole or any other erection.
I hope you understand the significance of this. All these years you have believed that an erection is a natural event, containing no threat to democracy. But you were wrong. True, erections themselves are not illegal, but their defacement might be—and every erection carries within it the seeds of its own defacement. Furthermore, it could be argued that the thought of this defacement is what causes the erection in the first place, and thus there is no further need for the cops to prove intent.
I wonder if the government has Erection Commissioners to monitor such laws. If so, wouldn’t pretty buxom women in revealing clothes be the best candidates for the job? They could cause the crime they are out to punish, thus meeting their targets with ease. I can just about imagine one such erection commissioner striding over to me, her hips swaying, her chest thrust forward, her lips erotically apart, saying: “Is that a gun in your pocket or are you breaking the law?”
Ah, I love life in the world’s biggest democracy.
(Link via email from Pratap Bhanu Mehta.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 16 April, 2009 in
India |
Politics |
WTF
Via Rishab Aiyar Ghosh‘s Facebook status message, I find this remarkable sentence in a BBC news item:
The victim told police he managed to reach his mobile phone from his pocket to raise the alarm when the python momentarily eased its grip after hauling him up a tree on Saturday evening.
If Hemingway was alive today, would he find in this the seed for a book called The Young Man and the Python? I mean, just think.
The fellow eventually “used his shirt to smother the snake’s head [to] prevent it from swallowing him”, and then “bit the snake on the tip of the tail” to get away. The only injury he suffered was an injury “on the lower lip of the mouth,” which leads me to suspect that there might be an amorous element to this. Maybe there’s a metaphor here about how love can stifle?
The story has an ambiguous ending, by the way. Cops came and rescued the man, and locked the python in a room. It escaped. The local police superintendent was quoted as saying: “We want to arrest the snake because any one of us could fall a victim.”
Imagine that. The cops find the snake after a long and arduous snakehunt, at which point the superintendent tells his lackey, “Arrest this snake.” The lackey whips out his handcuffs, looks the python over, and says, “But where do I put the handcuffs.” Then the snake leans in for a kiss.
Posted by Amit Varma on 16 April, 2009 in
News |
WTF
Dear Priyanka Gandhi
You have been quoted as saying today, “My brother is a capable and responsible representative of Congress and has every qualification of becoming the prime minister.”
Besides the family name, what other qualification does he have? Much curiosity comes.
Regards
Amit Varma
*
More open letters here. Also see: The Nehru-Gandhi legacy of shame.
Posted by Amit Varma on 12 April, 2009 in
India |
Letters |
News |
Politics |
WTF
In the WTF news of the day, we learn that Evo Morales, Bolivia’s president, has gone on a hunger strike because Bolivia’s congress is not cooperating with him in setting a date for the next general elections. That’s the president, just think—if he has to go on a hunger strike to get something done, think of the rest of them.
Anyway, if he doesn’t get his way and someday loses power, there’ll be something good to come out of it all: He can become a model.
PS: As we’re on the subject of hunger strikes, here’s my favourite one.
(Newsvine link via Anannya.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 10 April, 2009 in
News |
Politics |
WTF
Check out the license plate above. AP informs us that Kelly Coffman-Lee, a woman in Denver, wanted to announce her love for tofu to the world through this license plate for her car. But “the Division of Motor Vehicles” there did not give her permission because “they thought the combination of letters could be interpreted as profane.”
Sigh. While this is an amusing misunderstanding, I don’t actually see why even the allegedly profane interpretation of the license plate is objectionable. Is there any non-foetus kid out there who hasn’t heard about fugging? If I saw a license plate that seemed to say “I love to fug you”, I would find it funny and maybe even endearing. (Unless Raj Thackeray was driving that particular car at 100mph towards a group of Bihari labourers.) I certainly wouldn’t be offended by it—and it contains nothing that kids need to be protected from.
Of course, I’m not a parent, so I have no locus standi on this matter. But I do love tofu—what about you?
(Link via email from Arjun. Picture courtesy MSNBC.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 10 April, 2009 in
News |
WTF
To get a glimpse of the future of Indian television, consider these two news items:
1. Rakhi Sawant has announced a new reality show on NDTV Imagine in which she will begin “a nationwide search for her perfect husband along with the support of the audiences.” Fifteen dudes will be shortlisted, and at the end of the season, she will marry one of them. (If the marriage doesn’t last and the show is a success, she could do it again next year.)
2. A study has revealed that Varun Gandhi has “emerged as the new favourite of prime time TV news in the past two weeks.” After his controversial comments against Muslims, he “managed to achieve 22.57 hours of prime time coverage across six prominent channels,” about 9 hours more than the IPL, which was the second-most talked about topic.
You know where all this is going, don’t you? Yes, I hereby propose that Varun Gandhi be enticed to take part in the NDTV Imagine show, Rakhi Ka Swayamvar. He is eligible and from a noted family, she is voluptuous and hunting for a groom, and they both generate TRPs like cows generate milk. (Don’t ask why that image came to mind.) Also, it will keep the man out of politics, and the country needs that.
And will he win? Well, duh! I mean, imagine the Q&A round:
Rakhi: If someone attacks me, what will you do?
Varun: If someone raises his hand against you, I will cut his hand off.
Rakhi: If someone forcibly kisses me, what will you do?
Varun: If someone kisses you, I will cut his head off.
Now, in this context, she is totally going to find his comments romantic, not repulsive. And even if Varun doesn’t cut off Mika’s head, he could certainly take a leaf out of his father’s book and get forcible nasbandi done on Mika. Imagine the TRPs if that happens live.
Also imagine if, while walking to the mandap, Rakhi and Varun fall into a well and are trapped inside. Oh, the news, the viewers, the ratings, the media planners swirling in ecstasy! I have seen the future, and it is this, it is this, it is this…
(Rakhi link via email from Kind Friend. More Rakhi on IU: 1, 2, 3, 4, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 08 April, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
Dialogue |
India |
Media |
News |
Small thoughts |
WTF
The Times of India reports that the journalist who threw a shoe at P Chidambaran, Jarnail Singh, has been awarded Rs. 2 lakhs by the Shiromani Akalai Dal for his act. And the WTF quote of the day comes from their national general secretary, Avtar Singh Hit:
Decisions are not taken by throwing shoes but this incident has showed our pain and suffering. Bhagat Singh had also thrown a bomb in the assembly. We have thus announced a reward of Rs 200,000 for his courage and bravery.
I understand the sentiment—but Bhagat Singh? I suppose it’s apt that the party in question chose a name for itself that would form the acronym SAD. I mean, really.
(Link via email from Swaroop Mamidipudi.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 07 April, 2009 in
India |
News |
Politics |
WTF
Has there ever been worse advice given to tourists than the lines below, from the article ‘Dealing With Strangers in India’ in bharatonline’s India Travel Tips Section?
Usually, foreigners are subjected to groping by particularly the Indian men. It is harmless. Just ignore such people and enjoy your trip. Avoid any sort of confrontation, and totally drop the idea of a physical altercation. Indians frown upon the idea of violence and physical fighting is usually a last resort.
This makes groping out to be almost a cultural characteristic, like eating with your hands. I’d speculate that it was either written by an idiot foreigner with a sub-30 IQ, or an Indian molester. Leaving that aside, let me just say that if you are a tourist, anywhere, you should take the opposite attitude. Do not tolerate groping; kick the ass of the person who gropes. The chances are that if you challenge a groper, the other locals will take your side, not his. And in the rare event that it looks likely that they might take his side, you should just get the hell out of there, or find the nearest cop. (Unless the cop is groping, in which case you’re having a spectacularly bad summer.)
Under no circumstances should you simply tolerate it. And if you feel like giving him a kick in the nuts, go right ahead. We have a billion people already in this country, one less procreator is no loss.
If you live in India, and are fed up of such harassment, and you haven’t yet heard of the Blank Noise Project, do check them out. Much worthiness.
(Link via email from Sunil Krishnan.)
Update (April 7): Chandni Parekh, a reader of this blog, quoted from and posted a link to this post on a forum at Karmayog. Mid Day picked up the story, called the company that runs that travel website, and they promptly removed those WTF lines. A good bit of initiative by the reporter.
But why, Hemal Ashar, have you quoted from my post and attributed it to “an outraged reader” at Karmayog? Does the basic journalistic value of attributing a quote correctly not matter to your publication?
Posted by Amit Varma on 03 April, 2009 in
India |
WTF
One of the things I hate about the Indian literary scene is the writers who set their stories in India but write for a foreign audience. So instead of ‘dal’ they write ‘lentil soup’, and instead of ‘silk kurta’ they write ‘loose-fitting silk shirt’, and so on. I call them ‘tourist-guide writers’, more concerned with catering to Western demand for exotica than to the authenticity that would be true to their subject matter. Whatever. At least there is some rationale to their approach.
But why would an Indian publication, catering to Indian readers who know what Indian words mean, adopt the same approach? My readers know how very fashionable I am when it comes to clothes—except those who have met me personally—and I’ve been following the local coverage of the fashion weeks pretty closely. And time and again, I see Indian clothes being referred to in Western terms. For example, churidars are constantly being described as ‘leggings’. This is understandable if someone is writing for the US edition of Vogue, but all the local newspapers, as well as Rediff, which caters to an Indian and NRI readership, have taken to this.
I find this inexplicable for two reasons: One, ‘churidar’ is a lovely, sonorous word, and all Indians know what it means. Two, leggings tend to be form-fitting all the way from the waist to the ankle, while churidars are generally looser at the thighs. Besides being unnecessary, the substitution is also wrong.
There is similar confusion over salwars. Consider the outfit Shah Rukh Khan wore at the Manish Malhotra show a couple of days ago, which has been described variously as ‘pathialas’ [sic], ‘an Afghani salwar’ and ‘black harem pants’. Now, folks over in Patiala and Afghanistan can argue over the first two, but how is that thing he’s wearing ‘harem pants’? Why do we need to make our writing Western-friendly even when writing for Indian audiences?
Is it because the correspondents in question are so enthralled by coverage of Western fashion in foreign magazines that they find it necessary to stick to their glossary of terms? Or that Indian words, somehow, have become infra dig?
Also, does this attitude reflect something broader around us?
Posted by Amit Varma on 02 April, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
India |
Journalism |
Media |
Small thoughts |
WTF
In an earlier post featuring Sanjay Dutt’s neanderthal (or simply pre-modern) comments about women, I’d quipped that I wondered if he’s put a dog collar on Manyata. An interview of his in today’s Hindustan Times indicates that he has—and she’s tied to the kitchen. Check this out:
HT: Did your wife convince you to get into politics?
Dutt: Manyataji takes the decisions in the kitchen.. aaj biryani banegi ya phir kabab or chicken. That’s where she rules. In other matters I decide what’s to be done.
I guess Dutt thinks this kind of talk is very macho—‘See how I keep my woman in line, I’m a real man, asli mard, ha ha ha.’ And if he is elected as an MP, he will no doubt have the same attitude towards his constituents as he does towards his wife—he will rule them, not serve them. During elections, he’ll fold his hands and will show much concern towards their needs—like a man wooing his beloved. Once he’s elected, if he is, he’ll only see what he can get out of them, and not give a damn about what they need, or what he had promised on bended knee. ‘Biriyani jaldi lao, bhook lagi hai.’ That kind of shit.
Such irony it is that his father was so different in both regards. How far this seed has fallen from the tree…
Posted by Amit Varma on 29 March, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
India |
News |
Politics |
WTF
The WTF quote of the day comes from a 30-year-old woman who wanted to “find a match” and went to a tantrik named Farid Shah for help:
Shah said that sacrificing a rhino would remove all obstacles and within a week’s time I’d get married. I paid Rs 2.95 lakh to perform the puja. He told me that he would book air tickets to go to UP to catch a Rhino and will return after completing the puja.
The cops are looking for Shah, and they’ll presumably book him for fraud when they find him—unless he really sacrifices a rhino and the chick hooks up with someone. So he’ll get what he deserves. But what of the woman? She’s apparently the daughter of a retired ACP, and is now a manager in a software company—that means she has a certain minimum level of education. I hope her friends and relatives are kicking her ass bigtime for her stupidity. How could she believe that a rhino sacrifice would help her find a man?
That said, I find her faith no odder than that of anyone who goes to a temple or a church or a masjid and prays for anything at all. Still, we’re all entitled to our beliefs, and the faith of others is none of my business. But I am bemused when they complain about the consequences.
(Link via separate emails from Girish and Doc.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 26 March, 2009 in
India |
News |
Old memes |
Astrology etc |
Small thoughts |
WTF
PTI reports that Uddhav Thackeray has called Manmohan Singh “a eunuch”. The Congress has called this “perversity of the highest order”. Well, I have just one question here:
What’s wrong with eunuchs?
I’m serious. Why can’t a eunuch be a good prime minister of India? We’ve had non-castrated men in the job, and most of them sucked. We had a woman, and she was a disaster. Why should being a eunuch be a disqualification? Indeed, why should that label be used as a pejorative?
While I’m at it, one more question—since the Congress has clearly made a list of perversities, and calling someone a eunuch is one “of the highest order”, what are other perversities in that order? And in lower orders? For edification, one really wants to know.
(Link via email from Rajeev Mantri.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 25 March, 2009 in
India |
News |
Politics |
Small thoughts |
WTF
The London Telegraph has a story on Camilla Power and Chris Knight, two anthropology lecturers who are leading demonstrations against the G20 summit. It tells us:
Educated at the Skinners’ Grammar School for Boys and University College London, he is a founder of the Radical Anthropology Group (RAG), which explores the origins of society from a Marxist standpoint. The pair have developed theories on the central role of women’s menstruation cycles in the development of civilisation.
Instantly I Googled, and found this study. It features the magnificent sentence, “The coalition of non-cycling females needs to grab any female who is menstruating, preventing philanderer males from taking her away.” I so want to read the Amar Chitra Katha issue on this—and imagine the fun if Ekta Kapoor comes across this study.
Also, imagine how differently human civilisation would allegedly have evolved if sanitary pads had been invented a few centuries ago.
(Telegraph link via email from BD.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 23 March, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
WTF
