Last And Final Boarding Call

Mark Sarvas is upset that airlines don’t understand redundancy.

Really, how did that meme ever start and begin?

Posted by Amit Varma on 28 August, 2008 in Miscellaneous

A Matter Of Class?

Sonia Faleiro nails the difference between our sportsmen and our sports officials.

Posted by Amit Varma on 28 August, 2008 in India | Sport

Extra Baggage

I feel bad for this lady. But thankful that she wasn’t flying Air Deccan, where the flying experience wouldn’t have been much of an improvement.

(Link via email from Rony.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 28 August, 2008 in Miscellaneous | News

Far From The Madding Wank

Reader Vivek Kodira points me to a joyful WTF page that explains how masturbation is evil. I especially love the section that aims to shatter the ‘myths’ around masturbation. Samples:

Myth: There are bigger problems than Masturbation, like drugs and AIDS.

Reality: Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! Masturbation costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month!

Myth: Masturbation is a “Victimless Crime.”

Reality: Theological experts on Masturbation have come to the conclusion that Masturbation is what is known as a “gateway” sin. This means that Masturbation leads to more serious offenses. In fact, practically all rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and pornography addicts started out as Masturbators.

From anecdotal evidence that may or may not relate to my own self, I can attest that even bloggers started out as Masturbators, with an eloquent capital ‘M’. Clearly that means that blogging is a serious offense, but having written a few thousand posts already, I must be beyond redemption. Sigh.

And I’d dearly like to know how the experts cited above came to their estimation of 150,000 Americans masturbating “RIGHT NOW!” The methodology intrigues me. Also, what do you think the figure would be for India, with its vastly larger population?

Enough now. I have work to do.

Posted by Amit Varma on 28 August, 2008 in Miscellaneous | WTF

Indian Customs…

... and traditions.

I feel immense schadenfreude whenever government officials are caught on the wrong side of the law, but I must point out that none of these men, or the women with them, should have been arrested. There was no coercion involved, no one’s rights seem to have been infringed, and the state had no business interfering.

The WTF line of the report is the one where the cops says that “no prior permission was taken for the party.” Prior permission for a party?

Also read: Laws Against Victimless Crimes Should Be Scrapped.

Posted by Amit Varma on 28 August, 2008 in Freedom | India | News | WTF

Just A Thread

Reading James Wood’s “The Broken Estate” I came across this superb quote by Gustave Flaubert:

Stupidity consists in wanting to reach conclusions. We are a thread, and we want to know the whole design.

To me, this sums up the difference in writing the kind of opinion pieces that have been my living until recently and writing fiction. In an opinion piece, by the nature of that form, I need to display certainty; in fiction, I can embrace ambiguity, and follow threads. More and more, I feel myself drawn towards the latter—it makes me more certain of myself, if that makes sense.

I still hold strong opinions about many things, but I just don’t find those all that interesting. Uncertainties attract me more—such as the thought of whether there’s any Lindt left in the fridge. Off I go to find out, reveling, as Flaubert surely would, in the journey.

Update: Lindt was found. Mmmm!

Posted by Amit Varma on 27 August, 2008 in Arts and entertainment | Personal | Small thoughts

Cows And The Earth’s Magnetic Field

My fondness for cows is well known, especially in steak form, but even I would never contemplate research of this nature:

Cows can sense Earth’s magnetic field, scientists say. German scientists using satellite images posted online by the Google Earth software programme have observed something that has escaped the notice of farmers, herders and hunters—Cattle grazing or at rest tend to orient their bodies in a north-south direction just like a compass needle, the Los Angeles Times reports.

Studying photographs of 8,510 cattle in 308 herds from around the world, zoologists Sabine Begall and Hynek Burda of the University of Duisburg-Essen and their colleagues found that two out of every three animals in the pictures were oriented in a direction roughly pointing to magnetic north.

The resolution of the images was not sufficient to tell which ends of the cows were pointing north, however, the report said.

They even counted how many cows there were. Just think.

(Link via separate emails from Gaurav Sabnis, Nikhil Kulkarni and azyraphale. Previous posts on cows: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31 , 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104.

Also, via vinjk, bonus cow: Mini-Cow!)

Posted by Amit Varma on 27 August, 2008 in Old memes | Cows | WTF

Shooting Dead People

Shooting living people has an ethical cost; shooting dead people may not. HT reports:

For a few weeks starting last April, Bunty and his gang riding bikes went on a killing spree shooting dead people at random…

This happened in Delhi, where there are presumably enough dead people on the streets to shoot at randomly. There’s no such fun in Mumbai, where everyone I see on the streets and in the malls is boringly alive. It’s so predictable. Pfaw.

Posted by Amit Varma on 26 August, 2008 in Journalism | Media | News | WTF

The Statue Without A Hat

The Hindustan Times reports that the family of Bhagat Singh have protested against a statue of the man that was recently unveiled in parliament:

Professor Jagmohan, the martyr’s nephew, reacted with outrage: “As a revolutionary, Bhagat Singh was known to sport a European hat. The bust doesn’t do justice to his persona during that historic period. Family members were not consulted on the statue,” he told Hindustan Times, on the phone from Ludhiana.

Says well-known historian Bipan Chandra: “Bhagat Singh did not wear a turban for three years between 1928 till he was hanged on March 23, 1931, and he did not have a beard.”

Professor Chaman Lal of the Jawaharlal Nehru University, who has edited documents on Singh released by the central government, said the error was unpardonable. “Four real pictures were available to the government and were handed over to the parliamentary committee.”

No one is owning up to the mistake.

Members of the joint parliamentary committee on installation of portraits and statues refused to comment.

How many other great nations have a ‘joint parliamentary committee on installation of portraits and statues’? I wish I could sit in on their meetings. Such fun would come.

Posted by Amit Varma on 26 August, 2008 in India | News | Politics | WTF

Constant Bereavement

It’s hard to come to terms with a loved one’s death—but how much harder is it to have to do it again and again and again? Here’s Margaret Thatcher’s daughter, Carol, on how she’s had to tell her mom about her father Denis Thatcher’s death repeatedly:

Dementia meant she kept forgetting he was dead. I had to keep giving her the sad news over and over again. Every time it finally sank in that she had lost her husband of more than 50 years, she’d look at me sadly and say, ‘Oh’, as I struggled to compose myself. ‘Were we all there?’ she’d ask softly.

Some days I hope that I die young. At least that will spare me the horror of losing my faculties, witnessing my own decline, knowing that it isn’t over yet but it’s getting there and that my best, such as it pitifully was, lies behind. And being dependent on others.

On other days, my mood is better, and Dr Mahinder Watsa is an important reason for this. Consider these two magnificent questions that he’s been asked in his latest column:

* I am 29 years old and married. I had sex with my wife 15 months after she gave birth to our son. Can this lead to a second pregnancy?

* Can an abortion take place by consuming Vitamin C?

The second question is particularly masterful because grammatically it makes no sense at all—even if abortions could consume Vitamin C, how would they ‘take place’? Therein lies its genius.

Earlier posts on Mr Watsa: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Posted by Amit Varma on 25 August, 2008 in Personal | Small thoughts | WTF