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My Friend Sancho

My first novel, My Friend Sancho, is now on the stands across India. It is a contemporary love story set in Mumbai, and was longlisted for the Man Asian Literary Prize 2008. To learn more about the book, click here.

To buy it online from the US, click here.

I am currently on a book tour to promote the book. Please check out our schedule of city launches. India Uncut readers are invited to all of them, no pass required, so do drop in and say hello.

If you're interested, do join the Facebook group for My Friend Sancho

Click here for more about my publisher, Hachette India.

And ah, my posts on India Uncut about My Friend Sancho can be found here.

Bastiat Prize 2007 Winner

Category Archives: Sport

‘The Sun and Versatile Mercury in Leo’

Astrologer Bejan Daruwala has some advice for Roger Federer:

He should come more often to the net, because he has the reach, the agility, and the dexterity to volley for an outright winner, or to make a strong opening for it, and with the next volley, finish it. The Sun and versatile Mercury in Leo, is the key to it.

I dispute Daruwala’s contention that Mercury is versatile: it cannot play guitar. It’s mercurial, that’s all.

More Daruwala on India Uncut: 1, 2, 3, 4.

Posted by Amit Varma on 23 June, 2008 in Old memes | Astrology etc | Sport | WTF

The Balls of West Indians

In a conversation with Rajdeep Sardesai, Sandeep Patil remembers being Sunil Gavaskar’s roommate in 1983:

I asked him if would be able to even see the balls of West Indians. He asked me what do you mean by ‘the balls of the West Indians?’ I told him the cricket balls that will be bowled by Marshall. I had not faced West Indians then and Sunil told me that you have faced Dennis Lillee and Jeff Thompson; you will be able to see the balls. I saw the ball and I hit a six.

My favourite bit in the interview, though, is when Sardesai asks what Kapil Dev said to his team in the dressing room after India was dismissed for 183 in the final. Kapil replies:

I just said c’mon Jawaano, let’s fight it out.

Through a nostalgia-tented lens, of all this seems charmingly uncomplicated. But in my view, the politics is less today and our cricket is much better. (Not the West Indies’s, sadly.) Still, it’s good to remember.


Many readers of this blog, shameless young kids all, were born after that 1983 World Cup. Those of us born before it are often asked where we were when the final was won. I was nine at the time, and hadn’t yet begun following cricket. I vaguely remember being in a room with many family members, all of them rather excited. When they began jumping up and down at the fall of the tenth West Indian wicket, I looked at the screen and sagely remarked: “But they still have one batsman left.”

(Link via email from Sanjeev.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 22 June, 2008 in India | Personal | Sport

The Unintended Consequences of Lingerie

This is one heck of a headline:

Woman Sues Victoria’s Secret, Claims Injury From Defective Thong.

And here’s the most remarkable thing about it: the injury was in the eye. I love America.

Actually, I love India as well. Just see what S Sreesanth has been up to lately.

(Links via emails from Gaurav and Srini respectively.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 19 June, 2008 in News | Sport | WTF

Chess Without The Dice

The WTF quote of the moment comes from Germany’s football star Lukas Podolski:

Football is like chess, only without the dice.

A decade-and-a-half ago, I represented Maharashtra in under-19 chess. No dice was used. Perhaps that makes me a national level football player.

(Link via separate messages from Devangshu Datta and Krishna Prasad.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 13 June, 2008 in Personal | Sport | WTF

A Yak on the Football Field

Aishwarya emails me the quote of the day, and what a quote it is. Rio Ferdinand of Manchester United says about Yakubu Ayegbeni of Everton:

He is strong. He is like a Dinosaur and scores with the precision of chameleon when he targets his victim. I have followed him from his days in Israel and he has not disappointed me with his Yak-like behaviour. In short, Nigerian players have strength, speed and power and I admire them so much.

Since reading this quote, I have researched Yak behaviour to find out what it is that Ayegbeni does. After reading this source, I have concluded that he mates in September.

Posted by Amit Varma on 11 June, 2008 in Sport | WTF

Some Things I’ll Remember From This IPL

Here’s the latest installment of Over the Wicket, my column for NDTV: The best and worst of the IPL.

The column’s supposed to be fortnightly, but as the IPL just got over, we figured we’d finish off this month’s quota with one burst—thus the two pieces this week.

Posted by Amit Varma on 05 June, 2008 in Essays and Op-Eds | Journalism | Media | Sport | WTF

An IPL XI To Outplay Mars

I’m a huge fan of lists, and there’s one in the latest installment of Over the Wicket, my cricket column for NDTV: An IPL XI To Outplay Mars.

Now I’m going to get withdrawal syndrome.

Posted by Amit Varma on 02 June, 2008 in Essays and Op-Eds | Sport

Upstaged Again

At least now, you would have thought, the cricketing world would turn its eyes towards Stuart MacGill. But even on the day he retired, another Australian legspinner was in the limelight.

Posted by Amit Varma on 02 June, 2008 in News | Sport

Teacher, Teacher, Chintu Called Me ‘Donkey’

DNA reports:

A senior Punjab Police officer on Sunday lodged a complaint against Kings XI Punjab co-owner Ness Wadia for allegedly publicly insulting and using derogatory language against him during Friday’s IPL match between the Punjab team and Deccan Chargers at PCA stadium at Mohali.

Mohali police chief Ranbir Singh Khatra lodged a complaint with Mohali deputy commissioner that Wadia had used “insulting” language on him.


Expressing displeasure at the treatment meted out to him by Wadia, Khatra said, “What hurt me the most is when Wadia said he didn’t want to talk to small and mean people.”

And this presumably adult police officer filed a police complaint for that? How small and mean.

A ToI report elaborates that Wadia accused the cops “of selling tickets for the IPL matches in the grey market and also ignoring unauthorized entry of people into the stadium.” He also “charged policemen on duty at the pavilion of stealing several liquor bottles and Mohali team T-shirts.” Obviously I can’t comment on this particular case, but from what I know of the system, his accusations seem plausible to me. You?

The report ends:

In a related development, police sources confirmed that the Mohali police had recorded a complaint against IPL commissioner Lalit Modi for smoking at a public place in the stadium.

Related development?

Posted by Amit Varma on 26 May, 2008 in Freedom | India | News | Sport | WTF

The Horror! The Horror!

Does Anand Ramachandran ever dream that he’s woken up as an onion? It’s not implausible. Check out his latest story:

Lalit Modi swells with self-importance, grows to gigantic size!

I love the last line. And while on cricket, check out this cricket quiz a friend of mine has put together.

Posted by Amit Varma on 24 May, 2008 in Sport

England’s Parliament Selects Their Cricket Team

Patrick Kidd presents the proceedings. I love the bit where David Cameron says, “That’s just spin.”

And before you imagine similar satire in an Indian context, do note that Lalu Prasad Yadav’s son, Tejashwi Yadav, is part of the Delhi Daredevils squad. His cricketing experience before this is summarized here.

(Kidd link via email from Arun Simha.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 24 May, 2008 in Politics | Sport

Accountability and the IPL

Here’s the second edition of Over the Wicket, my fortnightly column for NDTV Convergence: Yes, the IPL really is about accountability.

Related pieces:

The IPL reveals India’s bench strength (May 8, 2008)
Celebrating Twenty20 Cricket (April 20, 2008)
Opportunity, choice and the IPL (March 13, 2008)
There’s Nothing Wrong In Being ‘Commercial’ (Feb 24, 2008)
The Twenty20 Age Begins (Aug 8, 2007)

Posted by Amit Varma on 21 May, 2008 in Economics | Essays and Op-Eds | Sport

All Hail Icelandic Sagas

Responding to my post about Icelandic happiness, Devangshu Datta writes in:

Iceland has 7 GMs and 14 IMs in a population of 3 lakhs, which makes it by far the best chess playing nation per capita. It also has a high percentage of tall blond women and sexy sagas, which generally involve burning people alive.

I should emigrate there, I think. I’m not a tall blond woman, but my chess is decent and I can burn. So there.

Posted by Amit Varma on 21 May, 2008 in Miscellaneous | Personal | Sport

Facebook and the IPL

Inspired by Brian Sack’s Facebook news feed from 1945, I’ve tried to imagine how Facebook would render the IPL. Some entries:

Harbhajan Singh has slapped S Sreesanth.

S Sreesanth and Matthew Hayden are now friends.

Vijay Mallya wrote on Giancarlo Fisichella’s wall:

“Gian, can you play cricket? I need you.”

Rahul Dravid is nostalgic for 2006.

Sourav Ganguly is updating Facebook while the opposing captain waits at the toss. Muhahaha!

Preity Zinta wrote on Shah Rukh Khan’s wall:

“Cheer up, it could be worse. Have you heard that Aamir’s dog is named after you and licks his feet?”

Ajay Jadeja added the Puppydog application and joined The Lekha Washington Fan Club

And so on. I’m not good with graphics, so I can’t actually recreate it, but if you want to fool around, feel free to use the entries above.

Update: The kind TA Abinandanan writes in to point me to Krish Ashok’s Facebook Mahabharatha. Funky farmgirls fumigate furiously!

Posted by Amit Varma on 18 May, 2008 in India | Miscellaneous | Sport

Vijay Mallya’s Diary


Tomorrow: Charu Sharma’s sex tape.

Posted by Amit Varma on 16 May, 2008 in Sport

The Liberalisation of Indian Cricket

“The IPL shows it is time to liberalise cricket,” wrote my friend Barun Mitra of Liberty Institute in a recent email, and the thought is echoed by Neelakantan of Interim Thoughts, who draws a comparison between the IPL and what liberalisation did to the IT industry in the 1990s.

Needless to say, I agree with them—though I wish the extent of both liberalisations was greater. Just as the government retains a stranglehold over many areas of our lives, the BCCI retains its monopoly over representative cricket. Deeper change will be a long time coming—though I’m grateful for the little that has come so far.

Posted by Amit Varma on 14 May, 2008 in Economics | India | Sport

Mr Vengsarkar’s Just Woken Up

Here’s the WTF headline of the day:

Selectors likely to watch second half of IPL

Why on earth weren’t they watching the first half?

Posted by Amit Varma on 14 May, 2008 in India | News | Sport | WTF

The IPL reveals India’s Bench Strength

I begin a fortnightly column on cricket today for NDTV Convergence called Over the Wicket. Here’s the first installment: The IPL reveals India’s bench strength.

Related pieces:

Celebrating Twenty20 Cricket (April 20, 2008)
Opportunity, choice and the IPL (March 13, 2008)
There’s Nothing Wrong In Being ‘Commercial’ (Feb 24, 2008)
The Twenty20 Age Begins (Aug 8, 2007)

Posted by Amit Varma on 08 May, 2008 in Essays and Op-Eds | Sport

Dear Ravi Shastri

Dear Ravi Shastri

Have you ever seen a tracer bullet? Do you even know what a tracer bullet is?


Amit Varma


More open letters here. And earlier…

Posted by Amit Varma on 06 May, 2008 in Letters | Media | Sport

“Too Much Politics”

The following exchange, from an Indian Express Q&A session with Aslam Sher Khan and MK Kaushik, explains what is wrong with Indian hockey:

Deepak Narayanan: If there is a unanimous view that Mr Gill must go, why is it not possible for everyone to come together and fight an election and take control of the IHF?

Aslam Sher Khan: When Sanjay Gandhi was in politics, someone asked him why he didn’t go into sports. He replied, ‘too much politics’. That says everything. To win the IHF elections cost around Rs 1 crore. We can come together but we cannot afford to buy votes.

With that kind of money required to get to power, is it not natural that the winners then look for ways to recoup their investment? Indeed, would it not be surprising if that was not the case?

Posted by Amit Varma on 04 May, 2008 in India | Politics | Sport

Rigour to the Discourse in the Fabric

Sambit Bal, once my boss at Cricinfo and one of the best men I know, is a cricket writer I admire for his clear thinking and lucid writing. That’s why it hurts when he comes up with a sentence as monstrous as the one below:

Sport runs in Kolkata’s veins; it is ingrained in the socio-cultural fabric of the city, and though fans here can often be irrational, there is also a discernible intellectual rigour to the public discourse on cricket.

I can forgive the cliché at the start of the sentence, but “socio-cultural fabric of the city”? “Public discourse on cricket?” “Discernible intellectual rigour?” Ouch!

Pedantic aside: The ‘though’ makes the ‘also’ redundant.

Posted by Amit Varma on 03 May, 2008 in Journalism | Media | Sport | WTF

Bold New Face, My Ass

The WTF quote of the day comes from Gulu Ezekiel in Hindustan Times:

The bold new face of modern India now stands exposed as hollow following the slapping drama starring Harbhajan Singh and S Sreesanth.

Q1. What bold new face?

Q2. Assuming that there is a “bold new face of modern India” somewhere, why should it be “exposed as hollow” because one joker slapped another on a cricket field? Harbhajan and Sreesanth are a metaphor for all of us or what?

Indeed, extrapolating grand truths about India from shallow generalizations about cricket is so 2001. Fine, we sighed and took it when Ganguly and Wright’s team was held up as a symbol of how India has changed—but enough already. Both cricket and India are far too complex and nuanced to be captured in such lazy clichés. No?

Posted by Amit Varma on 01 May, 2008 in India | Sport | WTF

Harbhajan Assaults Sreesanth?

Compared to Indian hockey, cricket in India lives up to the cliché of being a gentleman’s game: at least players don’t hit each other, as in common in the sport KPS Gill destroyed. However, Harbhajan Singh seems to have forgotten which sport he was playing yesterday. NDTV reports:

Mumbai Indians captain Harbhajan Singh and Kings XI paceman S Sreesanth were on Friday involved in a bitter row, following which the fast bowler was seen crying bitterly on the ground at the end of their IPL match here.

Harbhajan allegedly slapped Sreesanth after the paceman said something to Harbhajan which offended the off-spinner.

Cricinfo elaborates:

Sources close to [Sreesanth] said that after the match a smiling Sreesanth walked up to Harbhajan - the captain of the losing Mumbai Indians - and said “Hard luck”. “That was enough for Harbhajan to lose his cool and hit Sreesanth under the eye,” said sources close to the fast bowler.

‘Sources close to Sreesanth’ would generally be Sreesanth himself, but I could be wrong. Both the players involved are characters—Sreesanth’s an immature buffoon, Bhajji’s an unmannered lout—but regardless of whether Sreesanth really said something as innocuous as “hard luck,” Harbhajan deserves to have his ass kicked by the authorities. Hitting fellow players just isn’t on, and if they set a precedent of non-punishment, Andrew Symonds and Matthew Hayden might just get wicket wicked ideas.

And really, how could they have made Harbhajan captain of Mumbai Indians? I’d put VVS Laxman down as being the worst captain of the IPL so far, but Harbhajan seems to have brought an extra dimension to the job. Maybe he has a future in parliament.

(NDTV link via email from S Jagadish. Picture courtesy Rediff, who caption it: “India pacer S Sreesanth sheds tears of joy after the Punjab team finished with a 66-run victory.” Eh?)

Update: Rediff’s changed their caption!

Posted by Amit Varma on 26 April, 2008 in News | Sport | WTF

Who’s the Victim in This Sting Operation?

By now I’m sure you’ve heard about the Jothikumaran case—a sting operation has allegedly revealed that K Jothikumaran, the secretary of the Indian Hockey Federation, accepted a bribe “for getting a player included in the senior team.” The fellow has denied it, making a ridiculous excuse that Prem Panicker scoffs at here. Most of us have given up on India hockey long ago, and this is hardly surprising. But there’s one element of this whole thing that intrigues me.

The DNA report states that the bribe was offered to select a player named Lalit Upadhyay in the national team. The report later says:

Upadhyay, however, has nothing to do with the sting; his name was used just to make the deal look real.

Does that mean that Upadhyay’s name was used without his knowledge or consent? Is that not dreadfully unethical? And wasn’t it guaranteed to screw Upadhyay over no matter what happened? There are three possible scenarios here:

One: Jothikumaran turns out to be an upright fellow, and goes public with the bribe offer, as in the Kiran More-Abhijit Kale case. Where does that leave Upadhyay? Does the channel come forward and admit that they were trying to carry out a sting operation, or do they stay quiet? Even if they admit their role in it, don’t the authorities look at Upadhyay with suspicion from then on, and perhaps punish him for it by ruining his career?

Two: Jothikumaran refuses the bribe, but stays mum about it. He believes that Upadhyay (or his agents) offered him a bribe, and he resolves never to select the man again. There is no occasion for the truth to come out, for the channel will never publicize a failed sting operation.

Three: Jothikumaran accepts the bribe, and is exposed. This is what has allegedly happened now, and in the process, an insinuation has been made that Upadhyay was never good enough to get into the side on his own. Whether that is true or not, the IHF might find it inconvenient to select him ever again, for it will evoke memories if it doesn’t raise questions.

Three possible outcomes: in all of them, Upadhyay gets hurt for no fault of his own. If DNA’s report is correct, and Upadhyay didn’t know how his name was used, then Headlines Today, the channel in question, might have done him immense harm. Do you think they care?

Also read: Lad from Varanasi living a dream.

Posted by Amit Varma on 22 April, 2008 in India | Journalism | Media | Sport

The Perils of Opening the Batting

In an email responding to my post on cricket commentary, BV Harish Kumar writes:

I have long held the belief that we haven’t had good opening pairs because the batsmen could never tolerate the partner during the between-the-overs chat. List of openers in the 80’s/90’s: Sidhu, Srikkanth, Arun Lal. I rest my case.

Posted by Amit Varma on 21 April, 2008 in Journalism | Media | Sport

What Do Cricket Commentators Say When They Reach Orgasm?

Ans. It doesn’t matter how they come as long as they come.

Yes, I’ve been watching the Indian Premier League, and while the cricket is good, the commentary’s getting on my nerves. I wrote a few years ago on how cricket commentary (and writing) in India relies so much on cliches, and things haven’t changed. Having said that, the danger of some of these commentators not using cliches is that they start talking nonsense. Yesterday, for example, I heard L Sivaramakrishnan say:

It’s a hard man’s game – that’s why it’s a profession.

This was during Extraaa Innings, and its host responded to this by saying “yes, yes, you are right,” or something to that effect. I had been prepared for a long evening a couple of hours before by Ravi Shastri saying that VVL Laxman is “an excellent slipper”, but Siva never fails to surprise you. What a guy.

Posted by Amit Varma on 21 April, 2008 in Journalism | Media | Sport | WTF

Celebrating Twenty20 Cricket

This piece of mine was published in today’s edition of Mail Today.

A few hours before writing this, I tuned in to watch the live telecast of the first match of the Indian Premier League. The Bangalore Royal Challengers took on the Kolkata Knight Riders. The stadium was full. The crowds were screaming. Imported cheerleaders danced. Some young men in the crowd, in their enthusiasm, held up their posters with ‘6’ written on them upside down, so that it now read ‘9’. That was apt. Twenty20 is cricket on steroids.

Purists – and I used to think of myself as one – often speak of Twenty20 cricket disparagingly, as if it has reduced the fine game of cricket to something absurdly simplistic, where sloggers rule, hand-eye co-ordination matters more than finely honed technique, and bowlers are irrelevant. If you’ve been watching, you’ll know that isn’t true. Twenty20 is not a dilution of the game but an intensification of it.


Posted by Amit Varma on 20 April, 2008 in Essays and Op-Eds | Sport

Irony and the Indian Premier League

Vikram Goyal wrote in to me yesterday with a screenshot of the IPL website: eloquently, it said “Server Active”.

He writes in again today pointing out that the problem has been fixed: the IPL website now says “Forbidden”.

In the context of this news, I think you will join me in applauding this masterful display of irony.

Posted by Amit Varma on 16 April, 2008 in Sport | WTF

Two Pakistans

I’ve always been amazed at how cavalier Pakistan is in squandering its cricketing talent. Consider these two Pakistan teams:

Team one:

1. Taufeeq Umar, 2. Imran Nazir, 3. Humayun Farhat+, 4. Hasan Raza, 5. Inzamam-ul-Haq*, 6. Naved Latif, 7 Azhar Mahmood, 8 Naved-ul-Hasan, 9. Mohammad Sami, 10. Shahid Nazir, 11. Mushtaq Ahmed.

Team two:

1. Salman Butt, 2. Nasir Jamshed, 3. Younis Khan, 4. Mohammad Yousuf, 5. Shoaib Malik*, 6. Misbah-ul-Haq, 7. Shahid Afridi, 8. Kamran Akmal+, 9. Sohail Tanvir, 10. Umar Gul, 11. Iftikhar Anjum.

The first team, of course, is the Lahore Badshahs from the ICL: Imran Farhat was also in that squad, and Abdul Razzaq plays for the side that beat them in the final, the Hyderabad Heroes. And while Inzamam might be past his prime, most of the rest are still worthy of playing international cricket. The second team listed above is the current Pakistan ODI side.

If they played each other, which do you think would win?

Posted by Amit Varma on 08 April, 2008 in Sport

The Lip Synchronisation of Rahul Gandhi

It takes extraordinary delusion to think that Indian hockey is not in a crisis, and KPS Gill is extraordinarily delusionary. Check out this excerpt from an interview of his in Tehelka:

Tehelka: Rahul Gandhi strongly criticised the hockey administration and the selection process.

Gill: The statement was carefully doctored. You watch the lip synchronisation. Immediately after he says it, he talks about cricket. The whole thing was taken out of context. The boys at the Orissa hostel (where the statement was made) will obviously say that the best players were not selected.

Tehelka: So it was irresponsible on the part of Rahul Gandhi?

Gill: I don’t think he made that statement. I don’t think the statement was made in the manner it was made out to be. [My emphasis.]

After all this, thank FSM for Sharad Pawar and Lalit Modi. Indian cricket has tons of problems, and some people cite a government takeover of the BCCI as a solution. I think that would make things worse. Look at Indian hockey. Look at any sport run by the government. Hell, just look at KPS Gill.

(Link via email from Nelson.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 17 March, 2008 in India | Sport

Not Used To A Plan B

The reason the Australian cricket team has floundered a few times in the recent past, writes Harsha Bhogle, is because they’re not used to being under pressure, and are thus not good at dealing with it.

It has long been my view that Australia are awesome when they are front runners, a great and often elusive quality in itself, but get a bit confused when they fall behind.

That will happen more often now that Adam Gilchrist, one of the greatest rescuers of cricket matches in history, joins Shane Warne and Glenn McGrath in retirement. Plan B will need to be pressed into service more often and opposing teams will be looking to see if that is an indicator of weakness.

[...] It reminds me of what Ian Chappell, a fine and astute observer, said some years ago. “I’d love to see these guys field against Kanhai and Sobers when not only are the wickets difficult to come by but the bowlers are getting a bit of a pasting”, he said.

Sobers and Kanhai were geniuses, of course, and to push these Aussies at their peak, nothing less than genius would suffice. (Think Laxman and Harbhajan, 2001.) Now, however, with their best players retiring one-by-one, a good team can push them into Plan B by just playing consistently well, without needing to play out of their skins. That makes the next couple of years very interesting.

Harsha has some kind words for me and my piece yesterday towards the end of his article. I’m always flattered to read such praise, though I think Rohit Brijnath and Prem Panicker will no doubt be pissed at Harsha for taking my name in the same breath as theirs. Don’t worry, boys, I know my place!

Posted by Amit Varma on 14 March, 2008 in Personal | Sport

Bringing Competition to Cricket

I have a piece in Cricinfo today responding to many of the worries people have about the IPL: Opportunity, choice and the IPL.

If you’ve already seen it via their homepage, be warned that the picture alongside the headline is of Lalit Modi, not me. I only mention this because a reader wrote in wondering why I’m looking so doped out. (Update: The picture has changed!)

Also read:

There’s Nothing Wrong In Being ‘Commercial’ (Feb 24, 2008)
What Indian Cricket Needs (Aug 8, 2007)

Posted by Amit Varma on 13 March, 2008 in India | Sport

Dear Purba Dutt

Dear Purba Dutt

In a feature in the Sunday Times today, you refer to the IPL auctions as “human auctions”, and compare it to the slave trade. You invoke Uncle Tom’s Cabin, and speak of indentured labourers being sold in “a heartless transaction.” You miss something here.

Contrary to rhetoric, the cricketers were not on sale during the IPL auctions—their services were. The eight IPL franchises were effectively bidding for the services of the players as per contracts enabled by the BCCI that the players had willingly signed. This is quite unlike slavery—indeed, it is how you and me get by.

If you choose to leave the Times someday and look for a job, you will effectively put yourself on the market just as these cricketers did. You will evaluate prospective employers, and go to whoever makes you the most appealing offer. There may not be a formal auction setup for it, but it will effectively be just that: your services will be on offer, and different employers will bid for them.

So please, please, don’t compare this with the slave trade. Thank you.


Amit Varma

Ps. You might also want to read this.

Posted by Amit Varma on 02 March, 2008 in Economics | Letters | Sport

Symonds and Harbhajan Get Married

Well, that’s the first thought that came to mind when I saw this headline.

Then I realised that I’d mistakenly read ‘monkey’ as ‘maa ki’. Damn.

(Link via separate emails from Andy and Vipin.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 27 February, 2008 in News | Sport

There’s Nothing Wrong In Being ‘Commercial’

This piece of mine was published today in Mail Today (pdf link).

Wherever there’s big money floating around, politicians emerge and start squealing. The recent auctions at the Indian Premier League have roused the ire of both the Left and the Right of Indian politics. On the right, the inimitable Balasaheb Thackeray has described the IPL auctions as the “gambling of industrialists”. On the Left, Gurudas Dasgupta is complaining that this will make “every youngster not a good sportsman but a man hungry for money.” 

Sundry politicians and commentators are telling us that this obscene spending will corrupt the spirit of the game, that these players are selling their soul, and so on. They behave as if “commercialization”, a term used repeatedly by shocked observers, is The Great Indian Sin. I have a question:

What, precisely, is wrong with commercialisation?

If Thackeray and Dasgupta pondered the history of human affairs, they would note that human progress is possible only because of the profit motive. The only way to make a profit is to fulfill the desire of fellow humans, by manufacturing goods or providing services that they need. The search for profit fuels innovation and enterprise. It leads to new technologies and better service. People trade to their comparative advantage, they specialize, and this makes economies more productive, and raises everyone’s standard of living.

Without such “commercialisation”, we’d be stuck in the stone age.


If Thackeray really has a problem with industry - for that is what the industrialists he condemns are all about - then he should step wearing clothes. All the clothes he wears are produced for profit, by industrialists, who clothe him not because they care for him or want to defend Hindu culture, but because he pays them money. How vulgar!

If Dasgupta has a problem with people “hungry for money”, he should immediately go on a fast. The people he gets his groceries from provide it in exchange for money, as do the restaurants that serve him food. There is only one appropriate response to this shocking commercialisation and rampant consumerism: Stop eating.

One blogger bizarrely compared the cricketers up on auction to prostitutes. Firstly, in the absence of coercion, I don’t see what is wrong with prostitution, or why we should look down on prostitutes. Secondly, if selling a service makes one a prostitute, then I am unquestionably a lady of the night, and this is my short, black, leather skirt that you’re reading. We are all whores in our own ways - and there is nothing wrong with that.

Back to the cricket. Besides the mere fact that money is involved, many people are also complaining about the amount of money the cricketers are getting. Some say cricketers should not be so well paid when other sportspeople in this country are so poorly paid. Other say that it is an outrage that Ishant Sharma should get more than Chaminda Vaas, and Rohit Sharma more than Ricky Ponting.

Look, who determines these prices? In the long run, you and I do. The businessmen putting that cash on the table do so because they estimate that those are the returns they’ll get on their investment. Those returns will come from us: We’ll buy the merchandise, we’ll watch the matches - which determine the value of TV rights - and their appeal to us will determine the value of the endorsements that flood in.

What if the team owners are wrong, and overpay for some players? Well, then they’ll duly learn their lessons when their team’s performance doesn’t justify the investment, and their bottomline suffers. What if some players are underpaid? Well, if they perform beyond their renumeration, they’ll receive their rightful value when the transfer season begins.

Twenty20 is a new form of the game, and the IPL is a new venture. It will take some time for the market to start functioning smoothly, and getting the values right. Until then, there is no point begrudging these cricketers their earnings.

The argument that this money would be better spent on other sports is bogus. If you feel Indian football should get more attention than Indian cricket, then here’s what you should do about it: Go out there and watch some local football games. Put your money where your mouth is. If you contribute your eyeballs, advertisers will open their chequebooks. If other sports don’t have a following in India, it is not because people don’t put money into them - it is the other way around.


Back to the IPL. Despite the BCCI bungling up sp much of the process, I think the IPL, if it succeeds, will be revolutionary. The reason for that is that it introduces into cricket the best guarantee of quality and efficiency: Competition.

The market for cricket has so far been a monopsony: There has been only buyer for a cricketer’s services. An Indian cricketer who wants to play cricket at the highest level can only sell his services to the BCCI, and is dependent of its selectors picking him - an imperfect process open to politics and the whims and fancies of individuals. That will change if the IPL takes off. A young, talented cricketer will have a number of people he can sell his services to, from the Bangalore Royal Challengers to the Delhi Daredevils to the Chennai Super Kings. If he is good, they will compete for him, thus guaranteeing him his true market value.

The BCCI, when it comes to cricket in India, has essentially had a captive market. The IPL teams will have to compete. The competition will threaten their existence, and they will have all the right incentives to excel. They will eschew the local politics of selection. They will search for differentiators in terms of training and scouting new talent. Like some football clubs do in Europe, they might establish youth academies to find and hone new talent. They will do so not out of love or duty to the game, but with regard to their bottomline. Cricket will benefit, as its machinery will flow that much smoother. 


For a cricket purist like me, there is a flip side to this: What will happen to Test cricket? If the IPL succeeds, Test cricket will surely suffer. Already, one hears rumours of the ICC schedule being subject to the demands of Lalit Modi and his men. Given the amount of investment, in terms of time, that Test cricket requires from its viewers, it is possible that Test cricket will slowly die out.

Hordes of commentators and politicians will then start squealing about how the demands of the market have killed Test cricket, and how the market is a cruel, malign force.

Personally, I believe that Test cricket will have enough of an audience to survive—even if it ends up being a niche audience. But if it doesn’t, here’s my question: Should people who don’t watch Test cricket be forced to subsidize it? Remember, commerce is all about giving you what you want. If Test cricket dies, the killer won’t be commercialisation, or the IPL, or the greed of businessmen - it will be us.

*  *  *

Also read:

Dear Navjot Sidhu
The Twenty20 Age Begins

IBNLive and Rediff links via email from Praveen Krishnan.

For more, check out my essays and Op-Eds archive.

Posted by Amit Varma on 24 February, 2008 in Economics | Essays and Op-Eds | India | Sport

How the ICC Spawned the IPL

Rahul Bhatia explains how the IPL arose out of the unintended consequences of something the ICC did way back in 2000. Immense irony.

Posted by Amit Varma on 23 February, 2008 in Economics | Sport

Dear Arvind Swaminathan

Dear Arvind Swaminathan

Assuming there is no coercion, what’s wrong with prostitution?


Amit Varma

(Link via Smoke Signals.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 21 February, 2008 in Economics | Letters | Sport

Cover Drive

Rahul Bhatia captures MS Dhoni’s cover drive:

Dhoni hurls himself into that shot so hard that he leaves his skin behind.

Rahul’s blog has shifted here, and I recommend you bookmark it. His blogging is infrequent, but his insights on cricket, in particular, are sharp. Blog-to-watch types.

Posted by Amit Varma on 19 February, 2008 in Sport

The State of Indian Sport

This story says it all:

India have scrapped a training camp for this month’s Thomas and Uber Cup qualifiers because of a lack of shuttlecocks, badminton officials said on Thursday.

The federation sent home over 30 players due to start training on Thursday, blaming the state-run Sports Authority of India (SAI) for not supplying the stock or allowing them to import.

The emphasis is mine.

Apropos of nothing, I’m reminded of the Amartya Sen Fallacy.

(Link via email from Shruti.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 07 February, 2008 in Economics | India | News | Politics | Sport

Harbhajan Aur Symonds Ki Ajeeb Dastaan


(Link via email from R Mahajan.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 05 February, 2008 in Sport

The Shah of Entertainment

Indian cricket provides us with the best of sport and entertainment. The cricketers provide the sport; the cricket administrators provide the entertainment. The tireless and brave Prem Panicker trawls through mountains of cricket coverage every day to bring us the very best, and nothing beats this remarkable interview of Niranjan Shah, BCCI’s secretary, by Mihir Srivastava of Tehelka:

Tehelka: For the sake of argument, what is the more important criterion for selection: performance or rotation policy? Would you drop the best performing players for rotation policy?

Shah: Rahul’s performance is not there. Lakshman’s performance is not there.

Tehelka: I am talking about Ganguly. He has done well.

Shah: Lakshman has done well too.

Ignore the misspelling of VVS Laxman’s name—isn’t this just priceless? Who needs Bollywood?

Update: Actually, the excerpt quoted above isn’t remotely as funny as the last answer in that interview, which reminds me of this young lady. It is incredible. It is so good that no one could have made it up. Wow.

Posted by Amit Varma on 31 January, 2008 in Sport | WTF

Taking Care Of Shaun Tait

Shaun Tait’s had too much. And just see how the Aussie cricket establishment has stepped up to help. Can you imagine the Indian board helping an Indian player out in a similar situation?

(Link via Smoke Signals, where Prem Panicker repeatedly produces the most trenchant commentary on the game. Here’s his latest on the Harbhajan saga.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 30 January, 2008 in News | Sport

Sathya Sai Baba Stops Match…

... by not turning up to bless the players. Sigh.*

(Link via email from The Not So Talkative Man.

*Pun not intended.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 23 January, 2008 in India | News | Sport | WTF

Mike Procter Violates ICC’s Code of Conduct

Despite being at the center of so much controversy, the full text of Mike Procter’s decision against Harbhajan Singh hasn’t been available to the general public—so far. The excellent law blog, Law and Other Things, links to a copy of the decision, which I reproduce in full below the fold.

Vivek Kumar, in an analysis, points out that wherever Procter states the conclusion he has come to—“I am satisfied and sure beyond reasonable doubt that Harbhajan Singh did say these words” etc—he does not give any reasons for it. This, Vivek writes, is “in direct violation of ICC’s Code of Conduct [pdf link].” (Scroll down to page 17, and check out section H.)

No one has yet produced any evidence that Harbhajan Singh violated ICC’s Code of Conduct. However, it is evident from Procter’s statement that Procter did. Who should be punished, you think?

Here’s the text of Procter’s decision:


Posted by Amit Varma on 22 January, 2008 in Sport

Australia—A Lesbian Cricket Team

According to Will Buckley, Ricky Ponting’s men, like Norman Mailer, have “crossed the line from macho to butch.”

Then they should just sledge each other, no?

(Link via email from Gaspode.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 22 January, 2008 in Sport

Who Dropped Ganguly?

The trains.

(Link via email from Gaurav.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 21 January, 2008 in India | News | Sport | WTF

How To Save The Hapless Cricket Umpire

This piece of mine was published today in Mail Today under the headline “High tech input can give better umpiring”.You can download a pdf here.

I feel sorry for Steve Bucknor. In 2004, he had a horrid Test at Sydney, making a series of errors that prevented India from winning the series. A few months ago, he had a lousy World Cup final, displaying a shocking ignorance of the rules. And now, after another Sydney Test full of blunders, his career is close to winding up. It’s been tough, but my pity isn’t based on the brickbats flung his way being undeserved – he has long been an incompetent and arrogant umpire. I feel sorry for him because all this is really the ICC’s fault.

In 1988, Bucknor was a FIFA referee at a World Cup qualifier between El Salvador and the Netherlands Antilles. Why isn’t he still a FIFA referee today? Well, FIFA has a compulsory retirement age of 45 for its umpires. They feel that a referee’s job imposes physical demands that make it hard for someone above that age to do the job effectively. So they say, “Thank you, you were good, but run along now.”

The physical demands on a cricket umpire don’t seem to be so great. He may be on the field of play longer, but has no running around to do. Nevertheless, it is my contention that umpiring requires an extensive use of physical faculties that decline with age. And for a man is his 60s to be doing the job is ludicrous.

Consider what an umpire has to go through. He has to stand on the field and concentrate hard for six hours of play – this sometimes for five days in a row. His eyesight has to be perfect. He has to be quick – the shift in focus from the bowling crease, which he needs to watch for a no-ball, to the batsman isn’t easy. He has to evaluate what he sees within split seconds, factoring in all the optical illusions that typically come into play, such as the parallax error. (Because the umpire stands at a height above the stumps, balls that would go over the stumps appear to be hitting.) His depth perception has to be perfect, and his brain has to process all these multiple inputs to come up with a correct decision.


The faculties required for all this diminish with age. You wouldn’t put a 60-year-old man in a Formula One race, because he could kill others, and himself. (Besides, he would be no good.) A 60-year-old man umpiring a cricket game can end careers, or decide matches, and series. (Besides, he would be no good.)

What is happening to Bucknor is not new. We saw this happen to David Shepherd as well. Shepherd, one of the great umpires of the game, declined rapidly towards the start of this century, making a series of infamous howlers in the 2001 England-Pakistan series. It was all downhill from there – and what a pity it was.

Should the ICC have a mandatory retirement age, like FIFA does? While it would act as a safeguard, I will be perfectly happy if they don’t. While Bucknor and Shepherd felt the ravages of age, some remarkably well-preserved umpire might not. But what ICC does need to do is recognise that a good umpire isn’t good forever, and have regular tests and evaluations carried out. The ones it has in place are obviously not good enough.

And it should also pay attention to the feedback that captains are required to give on umpires at the end of every series. Sourav Ganguly, India’s captain in the 2003-2004 series against Australia, gave Bucknor an extremely negative report. The ICC should have paid attention to it then. I wonder why they didn’t.


Let us consider the role of umpires in cricket. Are they participants in the game of cricket? Do the crowds come to see them at work?

My answers are no and no.

Umpires are nothing more than facilitators. Eleven men take on 11 other men, and the sport is about them. Umpires are there to enforce the rules of the game, so that the result is fair, and the team that plays better wins.

So when the attention of the commentators or the crowds is on the umpires, something is wrong. It means they made a mistake. It is an aberration, something that should not happen. The ICC should do everything within its power to prevent it.

The ICC should recognise that umpires are just the means to an end. They are not the point of the game. It should also recognise that they need help. And the technology exists to help them.

How do we know when umpires make mistakes? Some mistakes are visible to the naked eye. But for others, we go to technology. We see a ball hitting middle-stump on Hawk-Eye and exclaim, “That’s plumb, how could he not give that?” We see a snick via the Snickometer, or notice via the tram lines on the screen that the ball pitched outside leg, and we go, “What lousy umpiring.”

We judge the umpires using technology. Would it not be fair, then, to make that same technology available to them?

Critics have created a false dichotomy between umpires and technology. Using technology does not mean doing away with umpires or having androids on the field. It simply means giving umpires the tools to do his job better. We make his life easier, and ensure more accurate decisions. Isn’t that the whole purpose of umpiring to begin with?


But is some of the technology out there accurate enough? Some of it – using TV replays for line calls, for example – is non-controversial. Some isn’t. Hawk-Eye has been at the center of much controversy, and is mocked by many who then, ironically, use it to point out umpiring errors. Many of the objections against it, though, are based on misconceptions. I think Hawk-Eye would be a fantastic tool for umpires, and would make contentious lbw decisions a thing of the past.

(Disclosure: I used to work for Cricinfo, which was owned by Wisden, who acquired Hawk-Eye in 2006. I’m no longer associated with Cricinfo, which was sold to ESPN last year and is no longer associated with Hawk-Eye.)

The predictive technology behind Hawk-Eye is similar to that used in missile-guidance systems and instrument guidance for brain surgeons – it’s designed for extreme accuracy. To answer the objections against it in detail would require a full piece, but suffice it to say that whatever the umpire can do, Hawk-Eye can do with greater accuracy. Experts of the game implicitly acknowledge this by turning to Hawk-Eye whenever lbw decisions need to be evaluated.

The most popular misconception about Hawk-Eye is that it would take time to get a decision, as one goes to the third umpire for a replay, and so on. This is not true. What we see on television is a just a graphical representation of Hawk-Eye, and Hawk-Eye’s decision would actually be delivered within a second or two to the umpire, via a handheld device: out or not out, pitching outside leg or on line, and so on. At the click of a button, umpires would save themselves much embarrassment.

And contrary to an old canard, technology does not take “the human touch” out of anything. People like “maa ke haath ka khana” even when she uses a microwave. Umpires who use technology will remain human – but they will get more decisions right. We should give them the tools to make that happen.

*  *  *

I wrote a piece on exactly the same subject four years ago after the last Sydney Test: “On age and technology.” Such hopes of change I had…

I also argued for Hawk-Eye in a series of posts on 23 Yards, which I now find long-winded and poorly written, though I hold the same opinions: 1, 2, 3.

Also on Hawk-Eye, read these two pieces by my ex-colleague, S Rajesh: 1, 2.

You can read more essays and Op-Eds by me here.

Posted by Amit Varma on 13 January, 2008 in Essays and Op-Eds | Sport

Abey Maa Ki…

... can be mistaken for “big monkey” by someone who doesn’t know the language, no?

I’d heard this theory joked about, and Mihir Bose now reveals that sources have told him that this, indeed, is what happened at Sydney.


(Link via email from Mahendra Shikaripur.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 11 January, 2008 in News | Sport

“It is possible to love a country and not its cricket team”

Peter Roebuck calls for Ricky Ponting to be sacked. He seems to like Harbhajan Singh, but I’m sure even young Bhajji would be amused at being called “an intemperate Sikh warrior.” Still, that’s Roebuck!

Posted by Amit Varma on 07 January, 2008 in Sport

A Picture For Mr Ponting

WTF quote of the day:

There’s no way I grounded that ball.

So says Ricky Ponting, referring to this:

(Quote and pic via Prem Panicker at Rediff. Prem has more to say here.)

Posted by Amit Varma on 07 January, 2008 in Sport | WTF

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