By Category
By Date
My first novel, My Friend Sancho, is now on the stands across India. It is a contemporary love story set in Mumbai, and was longlisted for the Man Asian Literary Prize 2008. To learn more about the book, click here.
To buy it online from the US, click here.
I am currently on a book tour to promote the book. Please check out our schedule of city launches. India Uncut readers are invited to all of them, no pass required, so do drop in and say hello.
If you're interested, do join the Facebook group for My Friend Sancho
Click here for more about my publisher, Hachette India.
And ah, my posts on India Uncut about My Friend Sancho can be found here.
In response to a comment on Facebook by Edward Hugh, here’s a little rhyme for you:
Tiger, Tiger (with apologies to William Blake)
Tiger, tiger burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame information asymmetry?
In what distant deeps or bourses
Did you partake of multiple courses
Of stocks that would plunge without an end?
Oh tiger, my pitiful friend.
Posted by Amit Varma on 20 June, 2009 in
Miscellaneous
Because “sleep is the new sex.”
What is the new wanking then, I wonder?
Posted by Amit Varma on 04 June, 2009 in
Miscellaneous
An anonymous study of 2,000 British men and women concluded that out of all jobs, computer geeks make the best lovers.
They were found to be the most selfless in the sack, the most adventurous and more likely to use love gadgets.
Seventy-eight per cent of techies that were questioned also claimed that sex toys were part of their love life.
Eighty-nine per cent of them, though, believed that the phallus was a sex toy.
Okay, fine, I made that last line up. But really, the methodology of the study is suspect—from the article, it seems that it was based on questions asked to these men. Like they’ll tell the truth. Nice try. Duh.
And bloggers were not part of the survey. I’m sure they would have found that bloggers are even better in bed than IT workers. For starters, they’d be able to do it several times a day. How’s that?
And ya, I know, Twitterers, if that is the term, would do it even more frequently. But it would be over too quickly. Where’s the fun in that?
(Link via email from YV Sai Madhav.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 27 May, 2009 in
Miscellaneous |
WTF
How sad that this is the best we can manage. Come on, boys and girls, for the sake of national pride, you can do better than this!
(Link via email from Swami Nathan.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 27 May, 2009 in
Miscellaneous
In a Facebook conversation where I was moaning and agonizing over the brilliant Adam Lambert not winning American Idol, Salil Tripathi pointed me to this splendid commencement speech by Ellen DeGeneres:
I love the guy on the left of the screen. He’s having a good time.
Posted by Amit Varma on 21 May, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
Miscellaneous
The Daily Mail reports:
It seems that nice guys can finally rest easy as scientists have discovered that bad boys do not always get the girl in the end.
A study of a South American tribe that once had the highest murder rate known to anthropology found that the most aggressive men ended up with fewer wives and children than milder men.
I’m not sure how the journalist who wrote this can draw the conclusion in the first sentence from the results of the study as reported in the second sentence. I’m sure nice guys in that South American tribe “can finally rest easy,” as if they were stressed out all this while, but why that study has any relevance to the rest of us beats me.
But journalists need pegs, so there we go: Nice guys finish first.
*
In this internet age, ‘nice guys’ can be ‘bad boys’ too. Blogging and Twitter and even Facebook help us to create online personalities for ourselves that often have little relation to who we are in real life. Much fun comes just watching this in action. But that’s a subject for some other post.
(Link via email from Sruthijith.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 13 May, 2009 in
Journalism |
Media |
Miscellaneous |
News
Reading this, I wonder.
(Link via email from Vimoh.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 30 April, 2009 in
India |
Miscellaneous
On behalf of my friends over at Landmark Bookstore, I’m pleased to inform you that the Landmark Quiz makes its first appearance in Mumbai this year. It’s already an annual event in Chennai, Bangalore and Pune, and Mumbai’s quizzers have long awaited its arrival here. Well, here it is. The details:
Quizmaster: Navin Jayakumar
Date: May 1, 2009
Venue: St Andrew’s Auditorium, St Dominic Road, Bandra.
Head over to your nearest Landmark outlet to register. Navin is an excellent quizmaster, and his quizzes are invariably fun for the audience, not just the teams on stage.
My team, Jai Santosh Ki Maa, reached the final of the Pune Landmark quiz a few weeks ago, and we’ll be hoping for better on home ground. Come and give competition.
Also read: Quizzing is Not Just a Trivial Pursuit.
Posted by Amit Varma on 28 April, 2009 in
Miscellaneous |
Personal
It just struck me that in his famous 2005 Kenyon Commencement Address, David Foster Wallace is basically teaching Vipassanā. Without the cheesy music.
*
I suspect if I bump into either Wallace or the Buddha in some afterlife, I’ll get beaten up for the above observation. ‘I’m a total non-violent kind of dude’, the Buddha will shriek as he chases me with a spectral katana, ‘but you really pushed the limit here.’ After a while, tired, I’ll stop, and he’ll swing and lop my head off. ‘Told you to be mindful,’ he’ll say.
Posted by Amit Varma on 27 April, 2009 in
Miscellaneous |
Small thoughts
Early one morning, as the clock strikes five, Salman Khan steps out of his house. He’s wearing a tracksuit and sports shoes, and attached to his arm is a nifty iPod. He starts playing his Himesh Reshammiya playlist, and begins to jog.
Salman jogs. Himesh starts singing “Aashiq Banaya Aapne”. Tere bin sooni sooni hain baahein/ Teri bin pyaasi pyaasi nigaahein/ Tere bin bin asar meri aahein/ Tere bin.
Salman begins to run. Tere bin lamha lamha sataye/ Tere bin bekarari jalaaye/ Tere bin chain mujhko naa aaye/ Tere Bin.
Salman begins to sprint, sweat pouring down his bare chest inside his tracksuit. Aashiq banaya-aa-aa/ aashiq banaya-aa-aa/ aashiq banaya aapne!
And then, when he’s really engrossed in the song, Salman feels something beneath his feet. Damn, he thinks, Mumbai’s roads suck.
Just then, someone starts shouting at him. He switches off the iPod and turns around. It’s a pavement-dweller, a woman, standing there and screaming at him. Then Salman looks down at her feet and realises what he ran over: two other pavement dwellers. This woman’s family. No wonder she’s screaming.
“Hey, lady, I’m sorry,” he says, in that weird accent that passes for foreign in some of his films. “I didn’t mean to run over them. But you should chill, you know. I’m saving the planet. What’s a pavement dweller or two in that cause?”
“Saving the planet?” asks a blogger who happens to be there, leaning against a lamp post. “What do you mean, saving the planet?”
“I’m running to lose weight, man, I’m running to be more slim. So I’m saving the planet.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, I forgot the link man, here you go: I’m saving the planet.”
*
That night, Salman has a nightmare. He dreams that he is in a forest, and there is a chinkara in front of him. It holds a gun.
Posted by Amit Varma on 20 April, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
Dialogue |
Miscellaneous
Johann Hari has written a superb profile of Andrew Sullivan in Intelligent Life, and I was quite moved by this paragraph:
After years of trying to suppress his sexuality—an “emotional blockage” that “really warped my personality”—he allowed himself to fall in love and have sex. It was on a trip home that he finally told his parents he was gay. His mother paused and said: “Oh my god. I’d better make a cup of tea.” His father wept. Sullivan had never seen his father cry before. After a while, he said: “What’s wrong? I’m fine.” His father replied: “No, you don’t understand. I’m crying because of everything you must have been through, and I did nothing to support you.” Sullivan says now: “It was the most honest expression of love I have ever heard.”
(Link via email from Arun.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 17 April, 2009 in
Miscellaneous
They’re recession proof (NSFW).
Next week: Why I like ears.
(Link via email from Sanjeev.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 15 April, 2009 in
Miscellaneous
Are you a Gujju? Find out at Mudra Mehta’s blog, where she lists the essential qualities for being a Gujju. Much fun—I had known all along that there no Gujjuness in me, and that has now been confirmed.
That said, I’m a huge fan of Gujjus. All you need is a little beef in the undhiyo, and such a rocking time can be had by all.
Posted by Amit Varma on 02 April, 2009 in
India |
Miscellaneous
The comment of the day comes from a private email message from Aadisht (quoted with permission):
Earth Hour makes every place look like Delhi.
This was with reference to these wonderful pictures of Earth Hour forwarded to us by Sanjeev. First you see those pics with the lights on; then you click on them, one by one, and the lights go off. Beautiful.
Who could have imagined, 20 years ago, that I could sit here on my desk in Bombay and see the lights go off across the world like this?
Posted by Amit Varma on 01 April, 2009 in
Miscellaneous
Reader Maria Thomas writes in regarding my post The Morality of Zeroes:
I once heard Rahm Emanuel’s brother, Zeke talk about just how hazy our understanding of numbers really is. His way of putting figures into perspective was the following example:
1 million seconds ago: last week
1 billion seconds ago: Richard Nixon resigns
1 trillion seconds ago: 30,000 B.C.I thought it was a fabulous illustration and one worth sharing.
Quite.
Posted by Amit Varma on 25 March, 2009 in
Miscellaneous
"Some scientists have argued that during a recession, men desire fuller figured women,” writes Casey Schwartz at The Daily Beast. She cites studies that show that “changes in the state of the economy can influence what men find sexually attractive in women—and when the economy’s bad, it’s good to be fat.”
I’m all for well-built chicas, because well-built chicas tend to have substantial bosoms, and I’m totally okay with that. But before you go and dig into that bucket of chocolate mousse (or jalebi, or ice cream), consider that economies work in cycles, and recessions generally turn around. So when the economy’s looking up, and men start preferring thinner chicas, will you be able to lose that weight? Will you, like the economy, get on a cycle?
My personal advice: To hell with men, just go grab that mousse. Your pleasure should not be hostage to the expectations of others. You only live once, so binge.
There. Isn’t that tasty advice?
Posted by Amit Varma on 17 March, 2009 in
Miscellaneous
There is a Facebook meme going around in which people have to write 25 random things about themselves, and then tag various other people. Don’t worry, I’m not going to bore you with my list now. I can’t help but point you to Ol’ Bill Shakespeare’s list, though. (Yes, this meme’s been around!)
My favourites:
5 Sometimes I thinke plays are all Talke, Talke Talke, and wish for a cart-chase scene. I tried one in The Merry Wives, but it looked like Shitte, so I cut it. The men playing the horses were so Pissed at me.
14 On the topic of dating, my daughter Susanna loues to remind me: ~Jvliet was only thirteen! And I remind her that i) she was Italian, an impulsive race ii), she was actually played by a middle-aged Eunuch named Ned, and iii) she died. That always shvts her right vp.
23 Euery time we do the Taming of the Shrew, some pvnter wants his Money backe, because we don’t actually show a shrew getting tamed.
There’s potential here for a whole series. Let me offer you a sampler:
Nero: “I’m good with the lyre, but my fiddling needs practice.”
Aurangzeb: “I actually think these Brahmins walking around shirtless are quite… hot!”
Lalu Prasad Yadav: “I, um, like cows.”
Karan Johar: “I like girls.”
Pramod Muthalik: “I have a folder in my hard drive called ‘Paris Hilton’. It is 125 GB.”
And so on. You write the rest.
(HT: Boing Boing.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 09 February, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
Miscellaneous
Even Mahinder Watsa gets tired, it seems. In his Ask The Sexpert column, he was recently asked, “Where exactly should one insert his penis?” He began his answer thus:
“Log on to Google and ask your questions.”
Immense confusion awaits the poor soul who asked that question.
Earlier posts on Mr Watsa: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
Posted by Amit Varma on 06 February, 2009 in
Miscellaneous |
WTF
I wouldn’t wear any of these. I suppose that means they’re impractical.
Posted by Amit Varma on 02 February, 2009 in
Miscellaneous
Responding to my post yesterday in which I’d spoken of “the enormity of what [Chetan] Bhagat has achieved,” reader Mohan writes in:
I have been told numerous times that ‘enormity’ must not be used in the sense of ‘enormousness’, and that it is closer to ‘an outrageous, improper, vicious, or immoral act’. Is this general language Nazism, or is there something to this?
Of course, if you meant it as a subtle hint that Mr Bhagat’s doings were really wicked, I’m completely wrong!
Um, no such hint was intended, and I’m sure Mr Bhagat is not a wicked man. And I stand by my use of ‘enormity’. Merriam-Webster offers us four definitions of the word, of which the last two are:
3: the quality or state of being huge : immensity [the inconceivable enormity of the universe]
4: a quality of momentous importance or impact [the enormity of the decision]
These are definitions that have existed for very long, and, from what I can gather, are far more common in usage than the ‘wicked’ meanings of the word. That said, Eugene Volokh cautions against using ‘enormity’ because people may assume you mean “wicked” when you mean “enormous”. Fair advice.
*
I’ve written about language snobbery before, so in that context, let me reiterate that language is an evolving thing, and it is dangerous to get stuck to a fixed notion of what words mean, or what kind of usage is acceptable. In a discussion I was part of in an email group in December, a lady protested at the use of ‘decimate’ to mean ‘wipe out a large proportion of’, when, as she explained, the original meaning was ‘kill one in every ten’. The original meanings of words interest me greatly, and they’re useful in quizzes, but when I am actually speaking or writing, I don’t care what a word originally meant. What matters is how the word is used today. And here are accepted definitions of ‘decimate’:
Merriam-Webster—3a to reduce drastically especially in number [cholera decimated the population] b: to cause great destruction or harm to [firebombs decimated the city] [an industry decimated by recession]
WordNet: eliminate, annihilate, extinguish, eradicate, wipe out, decimate, carry off (kill in large numbers); “the plague wiped out an entire population”
There are hazaar words like this, that meant one thing in the 19th century and mean something else today. Which sense would you rather use them in?
(Volokh link via email from Tejaswi.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 30 January, 2009 in
Miscellaneous |
Personal
Version One by Bastiat: A petition by candlemakers for protection against the sun, which is “flooding the domestic market” with “production of light” at “an incredibly low price.”
Version Two by Sabnis: A petition by candlemakers against online petitions, which have affected the sale of candles by replacing candlelight vigils as the ultimate in “futile and convenient empty gestures.”
Quite. The first person to point me to an online petition that has actually achieved something in the real world gets a lifesize wax statue of Himesh Reshammiya with a wick on top. (Conditions apply.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 16 January, 2009 in
India |
Miscellaneous
Open-plan offices are making people sick, with workers more likely to suffer stress, catch a cold and be less productive, Australian researchers have found.
A review of global studies into the impact of modern office design found the switch to open-plan spaces had been overwhelmingly negative, with 90 percent reporting adverse health and psychological effects.
High levels of stress and conflict, elevated blood pressure, and rapid staff turnover were associated with open-plan environments, according to review author Vinesh Oommen.
Well, after a decade, I stand vindicated. I worked in MTV for a couple of years in the last millennium, and they had an open office back then. The then-MD, who was wearing shorts and fluorescent green socks when he interviewed me for the job in 1997, thought that open-plan offices were ‘cool’ and ‘modern’, and that he was being ‘with it’. He himself sat at one end of it, his ghastly socks visible to half his co-workers through the day. I argued against it once, and he gave me spiel on ‘productivity’.
I found it hard to function like that. I’d be hard at work and some joker’s cell phone would ring loudly across the hall again and again while he swigged free Coke at the pantry. All day long there would be chatter buzzing through the air, and people shouting at each other across the hall, Has Malaika’s bustier arrived yet?, and suchlike. And every time I reached up to dig my nose sensuously, 40 chicas would look at me in horror, suddenly disillusioned with the concept of the ideal male.
It was hard to concentrate on anything; and distractions abounded. A study a couple of years ago showed a correlation between open-plan offices and longer working hours—but that has nothing to do with productivity. (We did work all night often in MTV, but that is because there was a pool table in the conference room, and we took our pool seriously.)
Thankfully, I work from home now. Unfortunately, I don’t have a pool table in the living room. Tradeoffs, tradeoffs—but I’m happier than I’ve ever been at work.
Posted by Amit Varma on 14 January, 2009 in
Miscellaneous |
Personal
Via email from Prem Panicker, I find that a mutual friend of ours, a man we both regard highly, has been sanctioned by the US for nuclear proliferation. Reuters reports:
The U.S. State Department said on Monday it had slapped sanctions on 13 individuals and three private companies because of their involvement in the nuclear-proliferation network associated with Pakistani scientist A.Q. Khan.
[...]
The sanctioned individuals and companies were listed by the State Department as:
Selim Alguadis, Kursad Zafer Cire, Muhammad Nasim ud Din, EKA Elektronik Kontrol Aletleri Sanayi ve Ticaret A.S., ETI Elektroteknik Sanayi ve Ticaret A.S., Tradefin Engineering, Muhammad Farooq, Daniel Geiges, Paul Griffin, Peter Griffin, Abdul Qadeer Khan, Shamsul Bahrin bin Rukiban, Buhary Seyed Abu Tahir, Gotthard Lerch, Gerhard Wisser and Shah Hakim Shahnazim Zain.
The report elaborated that Mr Griffin was using the literary writing group, Caferati, as a front for his devious activities, and had started many group blogs for this purpose as well.
Ok, fine, I made that last line up—couldn’t resist it. Obviously this is a different Peter Griffin, not the one we love so much. But what fun it would be if it really was him. No?
Posted by Amit Varma on 13 January, 2009 in
Miscellaneous |
News
Prem Panicker, via his Twitter feed, introduces us to the word of the day:
Procrasturbate: To put off tasks & duties in place of one’s own pleasure.
I wonder: If you take pleasure in procrasturbating, could it be said that you are masturcrastinating?
Anyway, please don’t procrastinate about voting for India Uncut in the Weblog Awards. People are allowed to vote once every 24 hours, voting is open till January 13, and my competition is formidable…
Posted by Amit Varma on 08 January, 2009 in
Arts and entertainment |
Miscellaneous |
Personal
Ramesh Srivats is a menace to society, and he needs to be divested of his bank of puns and PJs before he does serious harm with them.
That said, who needs society? Check out Ramesh’s imagining of the trial of B Ramalinga Raju, that begins in a courtroom where, “in order to remove any trace of bias, the words ‘Satyameva Jayate’ have been masked so that it reads ‘eva Jayate’.”
Much fun.
Posted by Amit Varma on 08 January, 2009 in
India |
Miscellaneous
Stanley Fish tells us about how he called up AT&T to activate some services, and got the greeting above. At the end of the conversation:
… I couldn’t resist returning to the greeting, with its double and ungrammatical “with.” I explained that the second “with” was superfluous, as the second “to” would be if the offending question had been, “to whom am I speaking to?”, or the second “about” if the question had been “about what are you worrying about?”
Somehow that didn’t make much of an impression on her. She said that her instructions were to greet callers in that way and that she would continue to do so. I replied that it was scandalous that a multi-billion-dollar world-wide telecommunication corporation would order its employees to commit an egregious (and comical) grammatical error millions of times a day.
She said, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
I lost it. It has nothing to do with feelings, I ranted. It is a factual matter as to what is and is not syntactically correct.
Delightfully anal—and like so many interactions with call-center employees, completely futile. But Fish did get a column out of it, and that’s good.
*
Language snobbery can be immense fun, but it can also get tiresome to those on the receiving end of it. I recently wrote to a friend of mine, “Hopefully the publishing industry [in India] won’t be too badly affected by the economic downturn.” He wrote back to berate me for using “hopefully” instead of “I hope”, and said, “People should not say ‘Hopefully the weather will be good today’ when they actually mean ‘I hope the weather will be good today.’ I expected better from a professional writer.”
Well, I expected better from a language snob. This is actually a fashionable complaint, but an entirely baseless one. It cropped up in another discussion I was part of in an email group a couple of weeks ago, and I settled the matter by citing Merriam-Webster’s definition of the word:
2 : it is hoped : I hope : we hope <hopefully the rain will end soon>
usage In the 1960s the second sense of hopefully, which dates to the early 18th century and had been in fairly widespread use since at least the 1930s, underwent a surge in popularity. A surge of criticism followed in reaction, but the criticism took no account of the grammar of adverbs. Hopefully in its second sense is a member of a class of adverbs known as disjuncts. Disjuncts serve as a means by which the author or speaker can comment directly to the reader or hearer usually on the content of the sentence to which they are attached. Many other adverbs (as interestingly, frankly, clearly, luckily, unfortunately) are similarly used; most are so ordinary as to excite no comment or interest whatsoever. The second sense of hopefully is entirely standard.
So there it is. Hopefully you won’t ever try to explain to an AT&T call center worker what a disjunct is. Ok?
Posted by Amit Varma on 04 January, 2009 in
Miscellaneous |
Personal
Savita Bhabhi’s husband may get laid off. (Not laid.) Just imagine—he’ll be home all day then. What is she to do?
(Link via email from Anantha. More on Savita Bhabhi: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 03 January, 2009 in
Miscellaneous
John Brockman poses the question:
What game-changing scientific ideas and developments do you expect to live to see?
Check out the answers, by some of the most interesting thinkers on the planet. Many of them may seem in the realm of science fiction—but had this question been asked in 1985, the internet and all the things we do in it would also have seemed unbelievable. Can we defeat mortality, as a couple of the respondents now discuss? Seems unlikely to me, especially at the rate I’m putting on weight, but who knows?
Posted by Amit Varma on 02 January, 2009 in
Miscellaneous
Joby Warrick of The Washington Post reports:
The Afghan chieftain looked older than his 60-odd years, and his bearded face bore the creases of a man burdened with duties as tribal patriarch and husband to four younger women. His visitor, a CIA officer, saw an opportunity, and reached into his bag for a small gift.
Four blue pills. Viagra.
“Take one of these. You’ll love it,” the officer said. Compliments of Uncle Sam.
The enticement worked. The officer, who described the encounter, returned four days later to an enthusiastic reception. The grinning chief offered up a bonanza of information about Taliban movements and supply routes—followed by a request for more pills.
For U.S. intelligence officials, this is how some crucial battles in Afghanistan are fought and won.
I can imagine what will happen if our intelligence networks hear of this. First, they will place a large order (with taxpayers’ money, of course) for many, many tons of Viagra. Then, just as field operatives are about to be handed strategic supplies, the chief of the bureau will raise a finger. “Wait,” he will say, “if these pills don’t work, or have side effects, they could turn out to be counterproductive for us. There is only way to make sure that they work as advertised.” He will pop a pill into his waiting mouth.
Ten minutes later, he will call his wife on her mobile phone, his hands vibrating with excitement as he holds his instrument.
“Darling,” he will say, “I am coming home in ten minutes. Be ready for me. Wear something nice.”
“Ok, I will wear my Patola sari. But why, what happened?”
“Duty calls!”
(Link via email from Arun Hiregange.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 29 December, 2008 in
Dialogue |
Miscellaneous |
News
A few days ago, while researching for my chat with Manjula Padmanabhan, I came across an excellent speech she delivered at a Cartoon Congress held last month in Kathmandu. I especially liked this bit:
The common explanation for why humans laugh is that laughing and smiling relieve stress. But this only leads to another question: Why do humans have such a disproportionate need for stress-relief? My own view is that we, unlike other animals, are conscious of the inevitability of death. That knowledge places such a terrible burden of fear on our nervous systems that evolution has provided us with a solution – a hyperactive funny bone. I am sure that, given the option, most of us would have preferred something more substantial − immortality, for instance! But we were not given such a choice. So, this is what we are stuck with: jokes, cartoons, comedians and cartoonists, in exchange for being conscious of our mortality.
Some years ago, neurologists in the UK discovered that smiling had such a beneficial effect on the human nervous system that even a false smile − that is, merely stretching the mouth with the corners turned up – could have the same positive effect on our nervous system as a real smile. This works even when we are feeling gloomy. The point here is that political cartooning is a serious business, one that has a seriously positive role to play in human society. This may also explain why those of us who are employed by newspapers to make other people chuckle are quite often grumpy and bad-tempered in real life. Unlike many of our readers and employers, we are unusually conscious of the nastier facts of life. Our job is to make people smile in the face of the things that make all of us cry − death, destruction, disasters and ugly politicians.
This makes a cartoonist similar to a lion tamer − or, as I would put it, a demon tamer. Our profession requires us to live with the demon of mortality chained to our drawing boards. And every morning, we give it a poke in the ribs, make it stand up on the dining table and sing a silly song for our readers. But the demon does not much like this treatment, so it snarls, claws at us, and in general reminds us that in the end it will win.
I’d blogged four years ago, in the context of cricket, about the phenomenon of false smiles changing the way we actually feel—but in the long run, it’s surely just a temporary palliative. That demon isn’t going anywhere.
On that note, because I like my readers so very much, let me leave you with this beautiful song:
Posted by Amit Varma on 24 December, 2008 in
Arts and entertainment |
Miscellaneous
Now, this is one kind of regulation I wholeheartedly agree with. After all, wasn’t it God who caused the financial crisis?
On a tangent, followers of my religion should take inspiration from this and make Flying Spaghetti Monster rangoli. Manish Vij, my man, are you listening?
(Links via emails from Gaspode and Anand respectively.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 16 December, 2008 in
Miscellaneous
I recently discovered something I hadn’t known about the 2005 terrorist attacks in Bangalore:
Intelligence agencies consider the attack on the Indian Institute of Science in Bengalaru on December 28, 2005, as one that went horribly wrong for the terrorists. An attack that could have ended with a very high body count went awry because a terrorist with a bagful of grenades was caught in one of Bangalore’s nightmarish traffic jams and could not make it to the venue on time.
The shooter, who was waiting at the IISc campus and who was supposed to open fire on the crowd after the planned grenade explosions, lost patience and started firing.
The terrorist trapped in traffic, later identified as Abu Hamza, swiftly escaped to Pakistan.
Just imagine if Hamza had been overcome by road rage. Dude in the car in front is slow to react to green light because he’s on the phone, because of that they both miss the signal, and Hamza has to wait another six minutes while the dude ahead keeps jabbering. And there are grenades…
(Link via email from Ambuj.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 15 December, 2008 in
India |
Miscellaneous |
News
I love this photograph:
(Pic courtesy: DNA.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 12 December, 2008 in
India |
Miscellaneous
Rony emails to tell me of this superb line that’s spreading through the finance sector:
The financial meltdown is so bad that women are now marrying for love.
Honestly, I don’t know if that’s good for the men or bad for the men.
Posted by Amit Varma on 22 November, 2008 in
Miscellaneous
Because you can’t throw cows at the police. Ok?
(Link via separate emails from Salil and Deepak.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 18 November, 2008 in
Miscellaneous |
News
(Link via email from Neel.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 14 November, 2008 in
Miscellaneous |
Science and Technology |
Small thoughts
If you’re already tired of 2008, take a look at the New York Times edition of July 4, 2009. This is the online version of a fake edition of the paper, of which thousands of copies were distributed free across New York in a fantastic hoax. I don’t know why the NYT itself is calling this a spoof—this doesn’t make fun of the paper, but instead uses it to present the vision the authors have of America under Barack Obama. I’m sure they’ll end up disappointed—and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
But it’s very funny. Someone should do one for the Times of India…
(Links via separate emails from Gautam, Udhay and Gaspode.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 14 November, 2008 in
Journalism |
Media |
Miscellaneous |
Politics
"If there were a sex Olympics,” I wrote last year, “India would win the gold medal in all the sprints.”
Well, guess what—there is a Sex Olympics. Vanessa Mei writes in:
I read your blog about Indians not doing well if there was a sex olympics. Well, we are hosting Sex Olympia 2009. I’m sure there are some events that Indians will do well in. After all, the Kama Sutra does come from your holy land!
Here’s a list of events, in case you wish to participate. National pride is at stake, so I insist that India sends a contingent. We’ll dominate the sprints, and Raj Thackeray’s MNS boys would surely excel at the Team Clean and Jerk. Go India!
Posted by Amit Varma on 28 October, 2008 in
India |
Miscellaneous
Dr Tara Tatiana Pandey explains the “deeper cultural subtext to Savita Bhabhi.” Heh.
*
More on Savita Bhabhi: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.
Posted by Amit Varma on 27 October, 2008 in
Miscellaneous
Someday years from now Usain Bolt will look back fondly and tell a child on his knee, or maybe just his knee, that he was once able to run 100 metres in less than 10 seconds. Similarly, I am pleased to inform you that I once made 22 posts in a single day on India Uncut, and averaged five posts a day for a year. (I can’t be bothered to find that day now, but it’s somewhere on the old Blogspot avatar of this blog.) Well, I just counted how many days it took me to make my last 22 posts, and I find that they span almost two weeks.
Clearly I’m going through some kind of blogging midlife crisis, because there’s been nothing else in my life to keep me busy. It isn’t that I haven’t been in front of my computer, or have stopped surfing the net—I’m online as much as I used to be. But I’ve just been listless, unable to find anything interesting enough to blog about, unwilling to blog just for the sake of it. I’m certain this is a temporary phase, and the WTFness of the world will inspire me to resume my normal blogging pace. But until then, I wish to offer you consolation in the knowledge that the variety of bloggers out there for your edification is growing with every passing day—just consider the newest addition to that list.
Posted by Amit Varma on 23 October, 2008 in
Miscellaneous |
Personal
1. If Rahul Gandhi is complaining about not having got justice, what chance does the rest of India have?
2. How often do celebrities change their clothes?
The first reader to answer both questions correctly wins a weekend holiday in Patna with Raj Thackeray.
Posted by Amit Varma on 22 October, 2008 in
India |
Miscellaneous |
Politics |
WTF
I have blogged before about how the malls in Mumbai tend to have security at the front entrance, and a terrorist could easily drive in to the parking lot in a car full of explosives and use the lift from there to enter the mall, strapped full of explosives. Well, front entrances aren’t much better.
Every time I go to Infiniti, my favourite mall because it contains the bookstore Landmark, the dude with the handheld metal detector does two things. One, he runs the detector over my left pocket, where I keep my cellphone and my keys—it beeps. Then he runs it over my right pocket, where I carry my wallet—it beeps. He then waves me through—no questions asked, no other part of my body checked.
In the Malad mall, In Orbit, they make me pass through a metal detector, and it always beeps. No matter, I am waved on through. Ditto at the Marriott in Juhu, where I once spotted Salman Khan—I’m guessing chinkaras would be stopped at the gate, so that’s okay.
And what about airports, where security should be highest? Well, there’s no checking of baggage all the way until the security check, so you could walk in with a bag full of explosives all the way till there. After that point, one would hope, we passengers are safe.
Or are we? Check out Jeffrey Goldberg’s splendid piece in The Atlantic, “The Things He Carried”, in which Goldberg describes how, with the help of security expert Bruce Schneier, he tested the USA’s airport security system in almost every detail—and found it wanting. As the introduction to the article says:
Airport security in America is a sham—“security theater” designed to make travelers feel better and catch stupid terrorists. Smart ones can get through security with fake boarding passes and all manner of prohibited items—as our correspondent did with ease.
Indeed, smart terrorists could also run circles around authorities in India with ease. Either the terrorists who’ve targeted us so far are not too smart—or we’ve been lucky. How long will that last, I wonder.
Also read: Bruce Schneier’s piece in Wired, “The Seven Habits of Highly Ineffective Terrorists”, which challenges conventional wisdom about “what motivates terrorists in the first place.” (And while on the subject...)
(Links via emails from Neel and Udhay respectively.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 20 October, 2008 in
India |
Miscellaneous
I wonder if men should consider this a problem or an opportunity.
(Link via email from Arun John.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 14 October, 2008 in
Miscellaneous
Kind Friend writes in to point me to an annual fertility festival in Japan, with some spectacular phalluses on display. Check them out.
I’m wondering whether I should contribute an international entry. India Uncut?
Posted by Amit Varma on 14 October, 2008 in
Miscellaneous
I’m bewildered and confused by Abu Salem’s legal notice to Monica Bedi, which seems to be written by his lawyer, for its inclination and tendency to use two words where one would do. From the three news reports about it (1, 2, 3), I find that:
1] Salem is “deeply hurt and distressed” by Monica’s denial of their marriage. He is unable to “comprehend or fathom” why she would do such a thing.
2] He had “actively encouraged and supported” Bedi’s acting career.
3] He finds “peace, solace and comfort” from reading the letters she sends him.
4] His love for her shall never “diminish or fade away” even if she wants to “split up or sever their marital ties”.
5] If their marriage is an “obstruction, hardship or obstacle” to her acting career, he is ready to divorce her so that she is “free, happy and at liberty.”
Phew, whew. If I was a judge reading this, I would book Salem and his lawyer for contempt of court for wasting my time in such a manner, in this way.
Many of our journalists are no better, of course.
Posted by Amit Varma on 08 October, 2008 in
India |
Journalism |
Media |
Miscellaneous |
News
Mudra Mehta reveals the different attitudes men and women bring to buying bags. I wonder how many bags she bought as research for her post.
I’ll add to her observations by pointing out that most men only care about how functional a bag is, while women look at bags as fashion accessories. For a man, having one bag for daily use is just fine; for a woman, that would be equivalent to owning just one t-shirt, or one pair of shoes.
I suspect that these attitudes might just be reversed when it comes to cars. Unfortunately for us men, bags are much cheaper than cars. Lucky chicas.
Posted by Amit Varma on 04 October, 2008 in
Miscellaneous
Barack Obama, John McCain—watch out!
(Manish is my fellow campaign manager.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 02 October, 2008 in
Miscellaneous
It’s hard not to click on a story with such a headline:
‘Female body more desirable in winter’
The study that reached that conclusion carried out “an experiment on 114 men who were asked to rate photos of women at different times of the year.” I wonder why they kept the sample size so ridiculously low—I’m sure there wouldn’t have been a shortage of men willing to look at photos of women.
And isn’t December the most popular month to get married in India? It all falls into place now…
Posted by Amit Varma on 29 September, 2008 in
Miscellaneous
Sarah Palin comes to India and wants to visit a dhaba. Sonia Gandhi takes her to a dhaba on the road to UP. They order. The food comes. Palin takes a bite.
Palin: Eeks. Waiter, waiter, come here.
Sonia: Wait, he won’t come if you call. Let me call him. Manmohanji!
Waiter Manmohan: Yes madam. Is the food okay?
Palin: No, it isn’t. I ordered Moose Masala. This doesn’t taste like moose to me.
Waiter Manmohan: That’s right madam, moose not available here. Local food inspector Kamal Nathji won’t allow. This is a replacement. Very exotic dish, you will like.
Palin: But I wanted moose! Anyway, what meat is this then?
Waiter Manmohan: Madam, this is lightly braised human foetus, freshly sourced from a tribe threatened by extinction.
Palin: My god! How dare you?
Waiter Manmohan: But I thought you will like, Madam. Haven’t you read Nilanjana Roy’s latest column?
Posted by Amit Varma on 27 September, 2008 in
Dialogue |
Miscellaneous |
Politics
