Category Archives: Astrology etc
Oh man, this is delicious. AFP reports:
Sri Lankan police say they have arrested an astrologer after he predicted serious political and economic problems for the government of President Mahinda Rajapakse.
[...]
“The CID (Criminal Investigations Department) is questioning the astrologer,” [police spokesman Ranjith] Gunasekara said Friday, adding that they wanted to find out the “basis” for the prediction.
I can just imagine how the dialogue goes.
Astrologer: [Pointing to chart] See, here’s the basis for my prediction. Note where Rahu-Ketu are.
CID officer: We have outlawed Rahu-Ketu.
Astrologer: Eh? When did this happen?
CID officer: Five minutes before this interrogation began. Hehehe. Bet you didn’t see that happening.
No, but seriously, the government is crazy, clamping down on free speech like this, even if it is the free speech of a charlatan. Even charlatans have rights.
(Link via email from Neel. And previously, in Rahu-Ketu news...)
Posted by Amit Varma on 27 June, 2009 in
Dialogue |
Freedom |
News |
Old memes |
Astrology etc |
Politics |
WTF
The Times of India reports:
With the monsoon playing truant, Andhra Pradesh CM YS Rajasekhara Reddy has ordered all temples, mosques and churches in the state to offer special prayers to appease the Rain God. Starting form Wednesday, the Tirumala Tirupati Devasthanams will conduct prayers in all major temples run by it. Special prayers are to be held in mosques and churches for the onset of the elusive monsoon.
And The Hindustan Times:
As strange as it may sound, some organisations and individuals from Andhra Pradesh are taking help of frogs to induce rains.
In Vemulwada town in Karimnagar district, hundreds of people participated in a frog marriage on a dried up tank bed. Reports of similar marriages came in from Kurnool, Adilabad and Anantapur. It is widely believed by rural folk that frog marriages will bring in good rains.
You know where this is headed, don’t you? Hazaar prayers will be conducted across AP, and hazaar frogs will be married off—and then it will rain. And people will conclude that the prayers worked, and getting the frogs married off worked—never mind if the frogs in questions are ignoring their nuptial vows and bonking random other frogs. Post hoc ergo propter hoc—that, and the confirmation bias, explain why we’re still such suckers for superstition of all sorts.
Maybe I should also conduct a ritual of some sort that can later be sanctified after its glorious success. Hmm, let’s see, what can I do? Ah, I have it: A beef burger at Indigo Cafe, medium rare with a fried egg on top, sunny side up. Followed by some liquor chocolate, and maybe coffee at Costa’s. There you go, I’ve sorted it out. Just you watch now, there will be rain.
(My thanks to Sandeip Singh for the ToI link.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 25 June, 2009 in
India |
News |
Old memes |
Astrology etc |
WTF
Sunil Laxman points me, in a discussion on an email group I’m part of, to the Aryan Code Of Toilets, as prescribed in Manusmriti Vishnupuran. Delightful stuff, especially if one has loose motions and there’s no time for the mantra one is supposed to chant before one, um, finds relief. And the post-toilet routine is also interesting. For example:
* After defecation the “Linga” (generative organ) is to be washed once, “Guda” (anus) to be washed three times, the left hand to be washed ten times, and the right hand seven times, and both the feet to be cleaned with earth and water three times.
* After defecation the water pot was to be held in the right hand and was to be used for cleaning.
* The “Linga” was to be rubbed once with earth and the “Guda” rubbed three times with earth. Then both washed with water. This was to ensure that there is no odour left in the body.
* After this one should pick up water with right hand. One was advised to pick-up fist full of earth. This was to be divided in three parts. With the first part it was laid down that the left hand be cleaned 10 times and the right was to be cleaned with the second part 7 times. The third part was to be used to clean three times the water utensil.
Magnificently elaborate. But I suspect generations of good Aryan boys got a bit carried away by the ritual. They washed the Linga once, and they rubbed it with earth once—and it felt, um, good, so they rinsed and repeated.
And to prove that we are a virtuous, traditional society, they do it to this day.
Posted by Amit Varma on 20 June, 2009 in
Miscellaneous |
Old memes |
Astrology etc
No, it seems that all the appalling things he said recently can be blamed on Rahu-Ketu.
I can imagine Mayawati’s cops landing up in heaven to arrest Rahu-Ketu under the NSA. Inspector Mishra, leading the police team, finds a boy in pajamas lying on a khatiya. ‘That’s him,’ shouts Mishra, and his men surround the boy.
‘We know who you are,’ says Inspector Mishra, ‘but just for the record, identify yourself.’
‘I’m Rahu,’ says the boy. ‘I had ordered a butter chicken a couple of centuries ago, is it ready yet? Man, service in heaven is so slow, the waiters take everything for granted.’
‘Rahu,’ barks Inspector Mishra, ‘I hereby place you under arrest for instigating Varun Gandhi’s poisonous words. You have a right to remain silent. Until beaten.’
‘Hey, wait a sec,’ says Rahu, ‘that wasn’t me. That was my brother Ketu.’
(Link via email from Girish.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 24 April, 2009 in
Dialogue |
India |
Old memes |
Astrology etc |
Politics |
WTF
The WTF quote of the day comes from a 30-year-old woman who wanted to “find a match” and went to a tantrik named Farid Shah for help:
Shah said that sacrificing a rhino would remove all obstacles and within a week’s time I’d get married. I paid Rs 2.95 lakh to perform the puja. He told me that he would book air tickets to go to UP to catch a Rhino and will return after completing the puja.
The cops are looking for Shah, and they’ll presumably book him for fraud when they find him—unless he really sacrifices a rhino and the chick hooks up with someone. So he’ll get what he deserves. But what of the woman? She’s apparently the daughter of a retired ACP, and is now a manager in a software company—that means she has a certain minimum level of education. I hope her friends and relatives are kicking her ass bigtime for her stupidity. How could she believe that a rhino sacrifice would help her find a man?
That said, I find her faith no odder than that of anyone who goes to a temple or a church or a masjid and prays for anything at all. Still, we’re all entitled to our beliefs, and the faith of others is none of my business. But I am bemused when they complain about the consequences.
(Link via separate emails from Girish and Doc.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 26 March, 2009 in
India |
News |
Old memes |
Astrology etc |
Small thoughts |
WTF
Outlook reports from Jalandhar:
Want to seek greener pastures abroad? Come to a gurudwara here and offer a plane and who knows your wish might get fulfilled.
This may sound strange but Punjabi youths, especially from the Doaba region, have been thronging the Gurudwara Sant Baba Nihal Singh Ji Shaheedan in Talhan to offer toy planes so that their wishes of going abroad and getting lucrative jobs are fulfilled.
Toy planes, inscribed with names of different carriers, are found in front of the Guru Granth Sahib.
And then, of course, the confirmation bias kicks in. Some of these dudes will go abroad, and will tell all their friends, Hey, that toy-plane offering worked. You try it too. While the dudes who couldn’t go abroad will find other reasonable explanations for their failure, and may actually come back and deposit more toy planes.
Also, there’s self-selection. Outsiders could compare people who offer toy planes to people who don’t, and find that a larger percentage of the former group goes abroad. From this, they will conclude that the offerings work. But the conclusion is wrong because people offering toy planes are likely to be far more eager to go abroad than those who don’t, and that eagerness will get more of them on the plane out of here. The toy planes themselves will obviously have nothing to do with it.
(Indeed, if God existed, She would probably have gone WTF when those offerings were made. I’m God, and you’re trying to bribe me with toy planes? Get outta here!)
To carry this silliness forward, I wonder what these people will offer when they want a new house. A new car. More sex. The mind boggles.
(Hat tip: Aditya Kuber.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 23 January, 2009 in
India |
News |
Old memes |
Astrology etc |
WTF
Astrologer Bejan Daruwala has some advice for Roger Federer:
He should come more often to the net, because he has the reach, the agility, and the dexterity to volley for an outright winner, or to make a strong opening for it, and with the next volley, finish it. The Sun and versatile Mercury in Leo, is the key to it.
I dispute Daruwala’s contention that Mercury is versatile: it cannot play guitar. It’s mercurial, that’s all.
More Daruwala on India Uncut: 1, 2, 3, 4.
Posted by Amit Varma on 23 June, 2008 in
Old memes |
Astrology etc |
Sport |
WTF
It is redundant to mention WTFness when one speaks of Bejan Daruwalla. Here’s a gem:
One night during my moment of revelations with God, I learnt that ‘devi maa’ will conquer the world through her splendid glory. As I was writing my conversation with God and I wrote Ganeshji will support this year through its turbulent times. Next morning to my surprise the letters changed and it was the Goddess in its place.
If you said something like this in any context besides religion, your loved ones would be calling a psychiatrist. But somehow religion makes it all okay.
And hey, remember Pratibha Patil?
Posted by Amit Varma on 08 May, 2008 in
Old memes |
Astrology etc |
WTF
This is hilarious:
On 3 March 2008, in a popular TV show, Sanal Edamaruku, the president of Rationalist International, challenged India’s most “powerful” tantrik (black magician) to demonstrate his powers on him. That was the beginning of an unprecedented experiment. After all his chanting of mantra (magic words) and ceremonies of tantra failed, the tantrik decided to kill Sanal Edamaruku with the “ultimate destruction ceremony” on live TV.
[...]
India TV, one of India’s major Hindi channels with national outreach, invited Sanal Edamaruku for a discussion on “Tantrik power versus Science”. Pandit Surinder Sharma, who claims to be the tantrik of top politicians and is well known from his TV shows, represented the other side. During the discussion, the tantrik showed a small human shape of wheat flour dough, laid a thread around it like a noose and tightened it. He claimed that he was able to kill any person he wanted within three minutes by using black magic. Sanal challenged him to try and kill him.
The tantrik tried. He chanted his mantras (magic words): “Om lingalingalinalinga, kilikili….” But his efforts did not show any impact on Sanal – not after three minutes, and not after five. The time was extended and extended again. The original discussion program should have ended here, but the “breaking news” of the ongoing great tantra challenge was overrunning all program schedules.
Now the tantrik changed his technique. He started sprinkling water on Sanal and brandishing a knife in front of him. Sometimes he moved the blade all over his body. Sanal did not flinch. Then he touched Sanal’s head with his hand, rubbing and rumpling up his hair, pressing his forehead, laying his hand over his eyes, pressing his fingers against his temples. When he pressed harder and harder, Sanal reminded him that he was supposed to use black magic only, not forceful attacks to bring him down. The tantrik took a new run: water, knife, fingers, mantras. But Sanal kept looking very healthy and even amused.
After this the tantrik dude “tried to save his face by claiming that there was a never-failing special black magic for ultimate destruction, which could, however, only been done at night.” The channel called his bluff and kept him on air. Edamaruku survived, and seemed mighty amused at the end of it.
The irony here is that many tantra believers, far from reevaluating their faith after this incident, will instead be outraged that this faith was questioned in the first place. They will rationalize away Sharma’s failure, and might even stick small pins into a TV made of wheat flour dough that has “India TV” written on it. And then, when that channel’s TRPs fall…
(Link via email from Anil Gulecha.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 18 March, 2008 in
India |
News |
Old memes |
Astrology etc
This surely has to be the line of the day:
We regret to announce that due to unforeseen circumstances beyond our control, the publication of The Astrological Magazine will cease with the December 2007 issue.
I have never before been so tempted to put a smiley on my blog!
(Link via email from Narasimha Shastri. Earlier posts on superstitious nonsense: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 21 January, 2008 in
Old memes |
Astrology etc
In the WTF story of the day, Bejan Daruwala, speaking to Rajesh Pansare of DNA, suggests a cure for Sachin Tendulkar’s “nervous 90s”:
It’s well known amongst the astrology community that Sachin Tendulkar is a Taurus and that numbers 3, 6 and 9 apply to him.
But according to Chinese astrology, Tendulkar is also a Buffalo, a cousin of the bull — and these two systems combined make him a Double Bull.
The Bull is steadfast, a sign of strength and consistency. The weakness of Bulls and Buffalos is that they get into a rut and often cannot think out of the box, something which applies to Tendulkar. [...]
Because he is a loving and faithful husband, to get out of his nervous 90s, I would suggest that Tendulkar follow four steps:
1. Sleep in the lap of his wife and tell her to love him sweetly and gently
2. Cook his own mutton cheese burgers and eat them
3. Have a terrific bath
4. Jump in his Ferrari and go for a drive
There is no indication on that page that this is a joke of some sort. It reads like a parody, but Daruwala always reads like a parody of himself. Anjali Tendulkar, of course, must be befuddled at what Sachin means when he asks her to love him “sweetly and gently.”
“What do you mean, sweetly and gently,” she could respond. “How else have I been loving you all these years? You can cook your own damn mutton burgers from now on. And take a bath, you’re stinking—now wonder Dada likes to run you out.”
(Link via email from reader Gokul. Earlier posts on superstitious nonsense: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 19 November, 2007 in
Old memes |
Astrology etc |
Sport |
WTF
Trust the nation’s biggest English-language newspaper to cover this immensely important story, with global, even galactic, consequences: “Saturn makes a move on Leo!”
Apparently, Saturn entered Leo last night, hopefully with Leo’s consent, and the Times of India is at hand to advise us how to deal with it. An excerpt:
For those whose names start with chu, ch, che, cho, la, li, lu, le, lo, aa, ee, u, a, ee, u, ae:
Your health will suffer, so avoid eating out. Long journeys will be gainful, metaphysical activities increase. Prone to theft while travelling . Work pressure will be very high, you may have problems from superiors. Loss of money is seen, so keep away from the stock market. Friendships may break due to ego. Partnership will not be suitable. Plenty of travel, but no time for family.
For those whose names start with o, ba, vi, vu, ka, ki, ve, vo:
You will recover from a prolonged illness. Promotions with financial gains and favours from seniors is seen. Investments will bring good gains. Business tours will be profitable. Favours from the opposite sex will also come your way. A good time to buy property and save money. Job changes shall be favourable.
And so on. Needless to say, people who believe in this rubbish will ignore the bits that don’t fit, and dwell on the ones that do. If their name begins with “o, ba, vi, vu, ka, ki, ve, vo,” they will overlook the absence of a prolonged illness in their recent past, and focus on the bit about “favours from the opposite sex,” possibly on a “profitable” business trip. (Indeed, the secret to much belief is wishful thinking.) It depresses me that there is a market for this crap—though almost everything depresses me these days, so maybe the problem is me.
(Some earlier posts on superstitious nonsense: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 17 July, 2007 in
India |
Old memes |
Astrology etc
... are irrelevant in the case of Virender Sehwag’s loss of form, according to one group of people. The problem might just be evil spirits. MSN reports:
An interesting Tantrik Pooja was held at the banks of Yamuna near Delhi’s Kalindi Kunj to bring Virender Sehwag back to form.
According to an India TV report, the Mahakali Pooja was allegedly organised by the dashing batsman’s relatives and implemented by a distant relative, but there was no quote or evidence to suggest their involvement. Probably, it was a fan’s idea, masquerading as a distant relative.
However, the visuals did show Havan fire, two pair of stumps - one on each side, some statues, a photograph of Sehwag and a bat with which “he had been dismissed without scoring.”
So the next time Viru swishes outside the off stump, the evil spirits that made sure it hit the edge of the bat will stay away, and good spirits will probably make sure he middles the ball and it goes for a boundary. Why didn’t we think of this earlier? Can we have a “Tantrik Pooja” for the entire team, please? And one for this blog also, so no one is ever displeased by what I write!
And while checking my earlier posts on superstition, I came across this one on the predictions made by astrologers before the World Cup. Heh.
Now I’m off to get me some spirits.
(Link via email from Ullas Marar.
Some earlier posts on superstitious nonsense: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 18 May, 2007 in
India |
Old memes |
Astrology etc
The Times of India reports that an astrologer in Tamil Nadu has gotten himself into trouble by “allegedly predicting a long life for a dead man.” No, it isn’t the dead man protesting, but someone else. Joy.
Also, giants such as Bejan Daruwalla and Sanjay B Jumaaaaaaani have given their predictions for the World Cup. Daruwalla says:
In 1983, the combination in the Indian team was that of Capricorn (Kapil Dev), Cancer (Sunil Gavaskar) and Libra (Mohinder Amarnath), which worked wonders. Even this time, captain Rahul Dravid (Capricorn), Sourav Ganguly (Cancerian) and Virender Sehwag (Libran), may repeat the success story.
With 15 guys in each squad, you can probably get any combination of sun signs that you desire, and it is not unlikely that all the squads may contain a Capricorn, Cancer and Libra. Note that both gentlemen are being cautious, though Jumaaaaaaani more or less counts Australia out of the running. No matter what happens, though, I’m sure believers will note only the parts of their prediction where they seemed to have got it right. Always, the confirmation bias.
(Some earlier posts on astrology etc: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.)
My take on the World Cup: After a close perusal of some fine coffee beans (followed by their consumption, as is necessary for the ritual to be successful), I have come to the conclusion that my earlier post on this subject, written months ago, was somewhat off target. To my list of seven favourites, I add an eighth: New Zealand. I don’t think I can get any more precise than that.
Posted by Amit Varma on 03 March, 2007 in
India |
Old memes |
Astrology etc |
Sport
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