A cow’s sexual energy. It has been reported:
A farmer was trampled to death under the hoofs of his cow because he was blocking the animal as it was rushing to mate with an ox, the City Evening News in Northeast China’s Jilin Province reported today.
[...]
“The cow was too anxious and snappish since this was her first mating,” said the daughter-in-law of the ox owner, adding that cows can easily get out of control when in heat.
I propose a government fund to study the feasibility of cowthanol. Funds won’t be a problem—what do you pay taxes for?
(Link via email from Kartik Varadpande. Previous posts on cows: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31 , 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90.)
Update: Dilip Chitre writes in:
Apropos of using cows in heat as an alternative source of energy there could be other explanations. Perhaps the Chinese cow in question was protesting against the sexual posture described by Vatsyayana in the Kama Sutra as ‘Congress of the Cow’ (not to be confused with the Indian National Congress which is a kind of politicians’ orgy). Chinese cows seeking liberation and rejecting sexist postures are a revelation. Was the cow rushing on to mount the bull to settle a gender issue when it trampled its owner to death?
A valid point, worthy of serious debate. Meanwhile, here’s more on the Congress of the Cow: 1, 2.
Posted by Amit Varma on 25 May, 2007 in
Old memes |
Cows
Q. What kind of schmuck downloads a world passport from a world government on the world wide web and gets arrested at Begumpet airport?
A. The same kind who falls for spam about thingie enlargement and Nigerian fortunes, and makes sure that we also have to suffer such mails in our mailbox.
I’m a huge fan of globalization.
(Link via email from Babu of Babu Nation, whose song, ”Living in a Storm Drain,” should really become an anthem here in Mumbai.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 24 May, 2007 in
Miscellaneous
Rediff has a headline today that says, ”Don’t show off wealth, pay back to society: PM.”
I know one great way in which rich people can “pay back to society”: By spending their money. There is no better way to spread wealth. Buy a service or a good, and everyone involved in manufacturing and distributing it benefits.
Thus, I find it odd when Manmohan Singh says that Indians “cannot afford the wasteful lifestyles of the Western world.” There’s nothing wasteful about any lifestyle from the perspective of spreading wealth, unless it involves sitting at home and refusing to buy or sell anything, which is a waste of the abilities a person is born with.
Manmohan says many other astonishing things in that piece. For example:
Read more...
Posted by Amit Varma on 24 May, 2007 in
Economics |
India
A version of this piece was published today as the 15th installment of my weekly column for Mint, Thinking it Through.
This is the text of God’s resignation letter, which has been leaked to us by highly placed sources. The author wasn’t available for comment when we tried calling. If anyone would like to fill the vacancy, please write in to .
Dear Humans
This is to inform you that I quit. I have enjoyed being God for an eternity now – thank you for the opportunity – but I cannot bear the thought of going on and on like this. Enough is enough. I have informed my angels of my impending resignation, though I didn’t expect them to rush off to buy horns and black clothing right away. This Sunday will be my last day in office, after which I intend to spend some time with my family. (Ok, I’m kidding about the family. Heh.)
I started off badly, I confess. I was a beginning God and there was no roadmap, so what do you expect? My brief was to create a star, a planet and a satellite with a golf course. The rest of the universe wasn’t in the plans – that’s all the failed attempts. I was finally told that I could stop when I made earth, even though I got the golf-course wrong. Still, I’m sure there are other entertaining things you can do on the moon.
Then I was asked to populate the earth, and that’s when I had the most fun. I tried various funky things – I thought bacteria were pretty cool, and would rule the earth for sure. I also thought that of all the prehensile organs I gave my creatures, the penis of the whale was much more useful than the opposable thumbs of humans. I mean, how much fun it must be to grip something with that?
But you guys triumphed, largely because I gave you greater computing power. Had I put in a few trillion neurons less, it could all have been different. (And perhaps I should have worked harder on the dinosaurs.) I admit I got carried away by you because you were the first creatures to notice that I existed. Look, validation matters, period.
Then, when you were just beginning to come out of caves and get civilized, I decided to take a nap. It’s hard work, all this creation, especially at the level of detail involved, and I was tired. And really, what could go wrong while I slept? Humankind was on the rise, using all its neural computing power to create new things, and I thought I’ll wake up refreshed and see a better world, and maybe I’ll get back to work on the moon after a snack or something. Golf is good.
Read more...
Posted by Amit Varma on 24 May, 2007 in
Essays and Op-Eds |
India |
Thinking it Through
Dawood Ibrahim missed a trick. He should have established himself as a religious leader, and then entered the world of crime. The law would have been far more lenient towards him. Consider this Hindustan Times report:
Hardening its stand on seeking removal of Dera Sacha Sauda sect campuses from Punjab, the Shiromani Gurudwara Prabandhak Committee (SGPC) Wednesday said it did not matter even if the move was unconstitutional.
[...]
Queried about the legality of the Akal Takht’s hukumnama, or edict, seeking closure of all Dera properties by May 27, SGPC president Avtar Singh Makkar said he was “ignorant” of laws or the constitution.
“For us the Akal Takht is supreme and its hukumnama will be implemented. I have not read the law or the constitution and do not bother. We will ensure that the Dera activities are completely stopped in Punjab,” Makkar said. [My emphasis.]
I hope the law protects the victims of Makkar’s intended actions. But it does worry me that he can make such statements with such impunity, when even the mafia would not be so open about it. What gives him such confidence?
(Quiet! That’s a rhetorical question!)
Posted by Amit Varma on 24 May, 2007 in
India |
Politics
On the subject of Priya Ranjan Dasmunsi, the information and broadcasting minister, playing the moral police, an unnamed news channel head is quoted as saying:
I don’t see why we are surprised a Congress government is playing moral police. All parties want to control a powerful medium like television. No political party can afford to ban a news channel. But going after soft targets like AXN and FTV is like floating a trial balloon. It sends a shiver down the spines of all broadcasters.
Well, hardly anyone protested. So will there be more balloons?
Posted by Amit Varma on 24 May, 2007 in
Freedom |
India |
Media |
Politics
It seems that APJ Abdul Kalam is unlikely to be re-elected India’s president, so this is an appropriate time to suggest a successor. My candidate is the Indian Mango.
I ate a Mango a couple of hours ago, and it was immensely refreshing. Most importantly, it did nothing that would be inappropriate for the president’s office. Indeed, the Mango has many qualifications that make it ideal for that exalted post, and I list some of them here:
1. Mangoes do not write poetry.
2. Mangoes do not want to waste taxpayers’ money to put Indians on Mars.
3. Mangoes will not try to keep themselves out of the scope of the RTI, despite getting a salary from taxpayers’ money.
4. Mangoes will not make the news for trivial reasons, and will stay away from celebrityhood.
5. Mangoes will not have hairstyles.
And so on. You do realize that I can keep adding to this list, I’m sure. It is quite clear to me, and I hope you agree, that the Mango should be our next president. What’s that? What did you say?
How dare you? Let me reiterate my motto of the day: Mangoes are people too.
Thank you. Do come for the inauguration.
Update: An anonymous reader writes in:
I disagree with your choice. Amartya Sen would make a better president. How will a mango carry out the duties of the office?
What duties?
Update 2: Jim O’Neil writes in with a dramatic point of view that has made me think again about my endorsement. I reproduce his email below the fold:
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Posted by Amit Varma on 23 May, 2007 in
India |
Personal |
Politics
Workoutable has been on a hiatus for a while, mainly because I was too lazy to solicit contributions. Well, those days are over. Along with my friends Sumant and Rishi, I conducted a quiz on Sunday (report here), and between us we have many, many questions for you. So that section returns to life today—a new question will be posted every weekday from now on.
If you’re interested, you can subscribe to its RSS feed here.
Meanwhile, there is a huge solo, nationwide quiz this Sunday called the Mahaquizzer, and if you enjoy quizzing, or even want to check out what it’s all about, I recommend you take part. Arul Mani has the details here.
Posted by Amit Varma on 23 May, 2007 in
Personal
Melody and Sakshi, the charming Bombay bloggers, are hosting a blog party on June 9 for anyone interested who happens to be in the city. Melody has promised not to perform a belly dance, which is a huge relief after the last time. Be there—bloggers can have fun too!
Posted by Amit Varma on 23 May, 2007 in
Personal
I won’t be blogging for the next few hours—it is rumoured that I have a life outside of blogging—so for that time, I leave you with ”The Tale of the Slave” by Robert Nozick. Magnificent.
(Link via Cafe Hayek.)
Posted by Amit Varma on 22 May, 2007 in
Freedom |
Politics
