23 June, 2009

Ocean’s Pig

The WTF headline of the day comes from PTI:

George Clooney hires psychic to connect with dead pig

The report says that Clooney has “hired a psychic to help him contact his favourite pet, a black pig named Max who died three years ago.”

I can just imagine how it all plays out. Clooney and his psychic are sitting at an ouija board in a dark room.

Psychic: George, I will tap on the board three times to say hello, and then you will hear three more taps on the board. After that, my body will be possessed by Max’s spirit, and you can talk to Max through me. Ok?

Clooney: Okay. But you know what, don’t mind and all, but I’m a skeptic about these things. So first I’ll ask you, I mean Max, a couple of questions to make sure it’s him.

Psychic: Sure. [He taps three times on the board. Three more taps are heard after that, and then the psychic throws his head back as his eyes start rolling in their sockets.]

Clooney: [Very excited] Max, Max, is that you?

Psychic: Squeal!

Clooney: Max, Max, I need to ask you a question. Are you listening?

Psychic: Grunt!

Clooney: Max, Max, when you saw me for the first time, what were your first words to me?

Psychic: Oink oink!

Clooney: Max! Max! It’s really you! [He hugs the psychic, who dirties his pants, thereby increasing Clooney’s ferocious nostalgia.]

*

Ok, fine, that’s a bit cruel. George, if you’re reading this and are offended, I apologize. But really, dude, a psychic to contact your dead pig—what were you thinking?

(Link via email from Mahendra.)